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Dementiastinks (doesn't it just), it sounds as though your particular difficulty comes from your mother's having been a competent financial manager before; so that, perhaps, what really infuriates her is not being able to make sense of it now. So she blames you. Easier than trying to figure out why what used to be simple tasks are now beyond her.

Could you perhaps do a simplified version specially for her of the spreadsheet you're planning for your brother (very good idea to have it to hand should he ever want to know, btw)? And, I don't know, if you got her an old-fashioned petty cash box and put it, say, by the telephone or somewhere equally prominent, might that help?
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Kostume, my mother's accountant told me several years ago what happened to her personally while caring for her own mother. She had to backtrack and list expenses, etc., and basically re-create everything for her mother's estate. Ideally we should be putting together reports like an accountant would listing all monetary assets and expenses. I will be doing this on a monthly basis starting this year as if I were reporting to an employer just so there is never any question between my brother and I exactly where her money went. A lot of work, but in the end, I hope, worth it. I may even send it to him monthly so he can see it, not that he's asked me for it.
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Thank you. I am financial and health POA for her and my brother doesn't have an issue with how I manage things, but my mother does. She gets angry because she has to tell me when she needs cash, and says I don't give her enough. I give her plenty and my father left her well off so there is enough money to care for her if she lives another 20 years. She was always in charge of their finances but can't even write a check now or keep track of her money. I find it all over the house, but she says she didn't put it there, and that she doesn't have any money. Any ideas how I should respond?
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Yes. My husband handled his parents affairs and now that his mom is gone he handles everything for his dad. He's a busy man and yet eldest SIL believes it's her business to know the ins and outs of what my husband is doing. She resents the fact that my inlaws have more money than her mom. She is cheap and could easily afford to help her mother but chooses not to. Instead she makes cutting remarks about my husband. It got so bad while she was here after MIL died that I finally gave her a piece of my mind. Setting healthy boundaries includes the POA protecting the loved one's personal information. Familiarity breeds contempt.
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