How to handle outbursts in public?

About the sexuality, this probably happens more than we ever know. I would stop it by telling the dad he won't be allowed to continue the rude behavior and ask him where he is planning to move...things like this may get him thinking about his behavior and proper boundaires if he wasn't sexually suggestive in life before. He may just be remembering earlier times and you can deflect him with talking about what really matters - and yes, people like him and want to be his friends, but that's it.

You might try bringing the salon to her. Ask hairdressers if they can come to your home to do your mother's hair.

This is worth a try if there are people with sensory overload issues.(persons with ASD).

My sister and I wish mom would be ready to go out and be social rather than sleep all day. Day 3 of medicine change, She got up at noon (rather than 3 or 4) took two brief naps and sounded more alert. next step is to try to get her out of the house and take the dog for a walk daily.

Consider this: despite the dementia she feels embarrassed by her growing shortcomings.
I have my mom either write the check at home (I supervise) for the hairdresser or I discreetly hand her cash to pay for her purchases out of HER purse that I always offer to carry for her ( she a bit unsteady and needs my arm).
If she has a tantrum I ignore it as I would a child's.I think you'll find most people she will interact with understand what she and you are up against so don't worry it.
Getting her out of the house is good.
My excuse: It saves her time

Some parents of kids with ASD created a button that says "I'm not misbehaving, I h have autism. Please be understanding". What are your thoughts on this?

I take my dad to target and get my own shopping done. he gets one of those scooters and feels really independent going up one lane and down the other. I joke with them that should get one and we should play bumper cars. the other day he said "want I ride?" so I jumped up on the front and he drove me around. we were like kids again. then he ran me into the bicycles and that stopped that and gave me a big leg bruise. I kidded him about how we were going to be put in "bicycle jail". he laughed, cause we always used to make up a kind of jail we'd go to when he "broke a rule" (like escape-artist jail"....

we had fun. next day he had forgotten it. that's okay. it is a brand new kind of outting and experience every time we go.

Re the Autism button - I'd like it better if it explained more behaviorally: like
"please understand I can learn, but slowly. Thanks for your patience, I don't intend to cause difficulty."

Otherwise, though valuable, that button might trigger long conversations between adults or caregivers on the nature of Autism - which adds a distraction and impediment to the already triggered setting, which might help the "patient" better by keeping a to focus on the goals in the event. I learned to be alert myself to others reactions, and often a non verbal signal, a wry smile, lipped version of "sorry", is enough to help bystanders recognize that you are struggling to help someone participate, who has me hidden difficulty in doing so.

My husband has Lewy Body Dementia (LBD) and doesn't have outbursts, but he does say strange things. He is aware of what is going on around him for the most part, i.e. sometimes he's confused by a lot of activity. He likes going out and wants to talk to people, but sometimes the wrong words come out and it just doesn't make sense. I speak up and explain, and I do it with his blessing, because when he got diagnosed 6 years ago, I asked if he wanted to be open about it or keep it a secret, since it is early onset. I explained to him that people already knew that something was wrong. They usually thought he had a stroke. We could take the opportunity to teach them about LBD, and maybe save someone not having to go through what we did to get diagnosed. He agreed. Anyway, we use it as a "teaching moment," and people are usually very interested, kind, helpful, etc. Though I must say sometimes I get tired of explaining, so I like the idea of a card. It would save me having to spell L-E-W-Y a million times.

My grandson is Autistic and my son says they go through something similar, because he loves to talk to people, but it often comes out as jabbering. My grandson is 7, too old to be jabbering, so people know something is wrong. Sometimes it makes people uncomfortable, which makes my son uncomfortable. But then it wouldn't be right for him to constantly be explaining in front of his son. As a kid, my grandson doesn't need hear that over and over. I'm sure people are uncomfortable, because they have no idea of what to say. So the cards might work here too. The card could give them ideas about how to respond, i.e. if he always walks up to people with bikes, the card might say he has autism and he likes mountain biking, or other typical situations.

Overall, I think people are getting more understanding about these types of things, because we don't keep people with disabilities and illness locked away anymore. The more we go out and talk openly, the more comfortable people will be. We can teach and be examples for when their turn comes, because it will come.

Bottomline, don't worry what other people think when Mom has an outburst or your husband can't cut his food (my situation). If they don't understand that is their problem or their lack of understanding. But also, don't make things hard on yourself. Keep outings at their pace and ability, slow and simple, AND stay home, when it gets to be too much. This is a marathon, not a race. Breathe and pace yourself!

I don´t have exactly that problem, my problem is that my mom was very active and 5 yrs ago she had back surgery which left her in a wheel chair and depending on someone to help her do the most basic things. Now she is very depressed and I am also since I am the only caregiver and my brothers live in US and we are in Mexico. I have tried telling her that she should calm down but we always end up yelling at each other. She still has the will to fix her hair and nails, put makeup and be pretty. Help, I am very tired since I had to leave my job to take care of her and now I don´t have a life, it is all dedicated to her.

What do you do when your mom is just hateful. Will not allow you to help?

3toewalley - My son has aspergers & ADHD. He is pretty darn normalized at age 15, but not without many years of intensive therapy at school & home. I saw a boy the same age at the store the other day who had on a tshirt that said "What, is my autism showing?" I wanted to compliment him, but he was deep in negotiation with his dad about new badminton rackets.

prtysmrt1 - My mom is very hateful and controlling despite the fact she is in a 24/7 care unit for dementia sufferers. I just back off. Back away. Stop helping. Stop whatever it is you are doing. Say you are sorry - even if you didn't do anything. Look on Youtube for Teepa Snow's video called Phrases every caregiver should know. Depending on what the thing is your mom needs help with determines the approach. You kind of have to read them like a map to understand if or how they might take help. They might need the most help and still have a sense of "I'm in charge here missy". You have to honor that sensibility even if they are no way in charge of anything. Kind of like how I am learning to approach my teenagers! "Do you need help?" or "Can I help you with ___?" or "Do you want me to do ____?"

Teepa Snow also has some videos demonstrating how to help the person from behind, with their own hand. It's genius. To the help receiver, it for all intents & purposes seems like they are doing xyz on their own, but you are guiding and assisting. It's great. It's in one of the videos on "Making visits valuable".

Nastiness and outbursts can also come from other sources you might not expect. E.g. UTIs, pain, frustration, tiredness, things they can't articulate anymore. You really have to troubleshoot one thing at a time.

There are a lot of helpful articles on this site about dealing with ugly or negative behaviors and outbursts. They really helped me depersonalize what mom does to me and in front of others, which helps me keep my cool.

Greay advice, will look at the video you mentioned!

ah sorry, I neglected to mention my mom has Alzheimer's.

I've seen the cards before, they can be slipped discretely to a hairdresser or others do they are aware. Make an appointment with your mother's physician to see if there is anything medically going on. Perhaps it was to much stimuli for your mother, maybe you could make it the first or the last appointment of the day to avoid crowds. You certainly mean well so don't take it personally, your mom can't help herself and may not be aware that she is behaving this way. You can also speak with your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, they have great tips on how to handle inappropriate behaviors.