My mother has vascular dementia, she lives with my husband and I. What to say to mom, I don't think it's appropriate to just move her in without telling her why. I have some serious health issues that is going to require 2-3 surgeries.
Mom doesn't know that I am sick. Very rarely does mom have any idea what is going on.
I really need some advice on how to handle this. I respect my mother and am feeling guilty that I can not take care of her.
Please, send me any suggestions. Thank you
Different families handle it in different ways, but, I might get everything planned and set to go, then say on the way out the door, that you have some medical tests that will require you be away for a little while and that the doctor thinks it's the perfect time for her to get some time for herself in AL or Memory Care, where ever she is going. (I'd make sure that you find a place that meets her level of care needs.) Depending on a person's cognitive state, they can go in advance, tour and have lunch, etc. but, that's not something my LO would have gone for. I had to get her out the door, into the car with a small bag. Once she was settled in, I went to her home, packed more things, then went back and set up her room. She accepted it as a place the doctor said she would get her physical therapy on track, nutrition, balance, etc.
You have to put your health first right now. Is there any way you think that telling her about your surgeries would help her? To me, I had to realize that respecting my cousin, meant protecting her from feeling scared, confused and upset. Giving her news that she was not able to process, didn't do that. So, my only comments to her was that everything was fine, resolved, and happy. I often took balloons and treats so that we could celebrate how good things were. This would calm her and let her know that she was fine and safe. I had to let go of the idea that my LO could process information, appreciate the situation and retain it. It just wasn't possible, due to her brain damage.