My Mom (92) is in an ALF. She constantly complains about everything. How do we handle this?

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She has always been a complainer and negative. I don't think I can change her. Her caregivers at the facility are now complaining to me about her attitude. I am the only child living locally and oversee her needs. I am afraid the administrator will request that I move her to another facility since they can't seem to please her with anything. Please help.

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Janet, when you go to visit, bring someone with you. Mom will showtime and be pleasant for a bit, but then get tired and cranky. That is your signal to leave. We bring mom the little 6 oz bottles of dry red wine that you buy in 4 packs. One small 1-2 oz glass makes her relax, her cheeks go pink and we have a much better visit. The rest goes in her little fridge. Sometimes I have one too.
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Janet, read some of the other threads on this forum and you will know your mother's behavior is not unusual. Assisted living staff are used to that and as long as she isn't violent or wandering, they won't kick her out. No one wants to be in assisted living and lose their independence and a lot of them fight it. It takes a while to settle into a routine. They tell me my mother "shuts down" when they try to help her. Mom is a griper and complainer, but two things that helped were putting her on zoloft for her depression and she has made a friend which makes her feel more comfortable going to activities. Be prepared though that your mother might dump all her negativity on you, daughters seem to get the brunt of it, and many of us have found our mom's are much meaner to us then they are to staff at AL. So, don't believe everything your mother says when or if she tries to make you feel guilty for her being there. Hugs to you!
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Janet, the assisted living facility is quite familiar with this type of behavior. The facility is just letting you know how she is doing.

Most of the residents in assisted living don't want to be there because they miss being in their own homes or living with their grown children. They feel if they complain long enough that they will get to go back "home". And they feel they can still live on their own without any trouble, of course we all know that isn't the case any more.

Has your Mom bonded with any of the other residents? Bet the gals all sit around complaining to each other :)
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I am afraid that nothing will please her, since you say that she has always been that way. I hate to ask that the doc medicate her, but what else can you do?
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