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My mother is 84 years old and very strong willed. She lost her dog about 6 months ago and wants to get another one. She lives in a condo my husband and I own and we cannot really afford to have her live there anymore so we may have to find affordable housing for her. She constantly goes to the doctor/emergency/hospital, etc. She has rheumatoid arthritis and is sometimes in a lot of pain. When she had a dog she had a hard time caring for the dog's needs, not to mention the expense. I don't need another responsibility added to what I already deal with but she's wearing me down. If we need to move her in the future the dog may present a problem if they don't accept pets. She has a bird already but I don't see a problem with that. I know she gets lonely but I don't think a dog is the solution. How do I approach this situation? I've made my case to her over and over again and I let her know that I cannot take care of her dog when she's sick or in the hospital but it doesn't seem to matter to her. I'm afraid she will go out and purchase a dog on her own without my knowledge. She just got out of debt with our help so now she's talking about a dog again and how lonely she is. Like I said, she's very, very strong willed.

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LaureenW,
I realize this kind of thing can be difficult. My cousin loved her cat more than anything. It took awhile before I realized it was dementia progressing in her. She became obsessed with the cat. She lived and breathed for the cat. She could not stand for the cat to wander from her sight for even a second. It was painful to watch. She had no real concept of what it really entailed to care for a cat. After she went into assisted living, I had to return the cat to the no kill rescue that she adopted it from years ago. The cat was much happier, since her dementia was making the cat stress out.

I will also suggest an idea I had for my cousin. It didn't work for her, but it might work with your mom. It's called Perfect Pets. They are life-like pets that sleep and actually move as if they are breathing. Some even snore a little. They come with a little bed and are very life like. My cousin was too attached to her real cat to have much interest in the pet I bought for her, but I would imagine they would be a big hit with others.

perfectpetzzz

I will warn you that they do make a little noise and at night it might bother you if you're in the same room.
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You didn't write on your profile whether you mom had dementia. If she does not have dementia and is just stuck on this dog thing, much like a child would be, tell her that you cannot take care of a dog and if she brings a dog home you will have to take it right back. Acknowledge her loneliness but stand firm on the dog issue. If your mom is going to act like a child, begging you for a dog despite the reasonable reasons why she should not have a dog, then treat her like a child in warning her that you will return a dog if one shows up at your mom's house. And if a dog shows up at mom's house take it to the humane society.
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dont expect such an avid animal lover to respond to any kind of reasoning . youll have a mental meltdown and at the end of a 2 hour conversation the last words will be " i luv muh dawg " . ive read plenty about this problem . it stems from various degrees of mental illness . be the bad guy and let them hate you . it isnt right for you to take on the annoyance , responsibility and headache when you no doubt already have a complicated enough life already . my renter to this day occasionally gets bold and attacks me from a new angle to get her dogs back out here . id prefer she go on to lose the remainder of her mind than to lose mine . no . fkin dogs .. i take the battery out of my ticking alarm clock except just on the occasional mornings that i need it . i want peace and im going to have it .
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Wow, these are all good suggestions, which I will use. I've been dealing with my moms strong will for many years so I don't think it's dementia but rather a bit of narcissistic personality behavior. I've played the bad guy on many an occasion, I just needed the support, and I got it! Thank you all so much!
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Senior dogs have enough issues, please don't put them into a situation where they won't be cared for properly. It's not fair to them.
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Can you at least get her to help out at a shelter? Maybe a weekly visit for an hour so she can pet some animals and give them some attention. It'd get her out a bit and the animals might enjoy it, too. Maybe give the argument that she's doing something nice for a bunch of dogs instead of just one, and it's a more manageable way to help? Though, if it's dementia at play, they get hard to reason with!
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It sounds like she's not equipped to handle a dog. Who would walk it? Who will care for it, if she can no longer keep it. It sounds like your mom is just not thinking clearly. She may never accept that she's not suited to be a dog owner right now.

What if you had someone who has a dog come by and visit once per week so she could pet and love on that dog? I've read about individuals who bring their dogs to the nursing homes to visit with the residents. Even if you have to pay for the service, it might be worth it.

I've also read about companies that rent pets for the day or weekend. It's not the best idea, but it might keep her happy until you can make arrangements for her living situation.

I've read that some Assisted Living facilities have in house cats who live there, so all the residents can enjoy their company. Would she agree to that? It might entice her to go if the place already has pets.

I would treat her insistence of getting a pet as poor judgment and not allow it. No matter how strong willed she is. No agency would allow her to adopt and most breeders would hesitate too, due to her situation, age and health.
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I agree that she shouldn't have a dog. She isn't able to take good care of it with her physical limitations. A dog would provide companionship, but it wouldn't be fair for the dog. I also feel that anyone getting a pet should have at least $2K saved for its care. Vet bills can be very expensive if a pet becomes ill or gets hurt. Many people who don't have enough money will opt to have an animal euthanized because they can't afford to pay for its care. Your mother doesn't sound like she is financially (or physically) able to provide good care. The Perfectpetzzz sounds like an ideal option -- no care and no vet bills.
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There's no explaining my mother. She's quite complicated, but If you met her you'd never forget her and everyone who meets her loves her. It's just that she has a big personality that requires lots of attention and it's not always great being her daughter although in her day she would do anything she could for me or anyone. She's volunteered all her life from church to being an ombudsman for the Sacramento area. I could write a book about her!
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I will mention that but I don't think that'll convince her. She has an answer for everything. I think I may be a bit like her myself. I think being firm with her is my best bet.
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