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Dad and mom are both 87 years old. Dad had a quad bypass 7 years ago and now can hardly see or walk. I asked for community healthcare to assess him (occupational therapist and personal support worker) and he is agreeable to their help. However I'm at work 12 hours a day, and mom is intimidating him to say no because she doesn't want me to spend money, and doesn't want "strangers" helping him. I've tried to make her understand that they're qualified professionals and will lighten the load on her and myself and improve quality of life for dad. Looks like she jealous of the attention he is getting and is trying to sabotage us. She is healthy and still helps with some of the light house chores, but I'm exhausted trying to do everything else, and not trained as a PSW. Sounds like she wants dad to die so she can have all my care! Hope someone can suggest something - I'm starting to get nasty!

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Some of the problem may be that she feels inadequate because she feels like she should be able to look after her husband and the fact that she can't makes her feel bad and/or "look bad" in other people's eyes.

Yes, she may be jealous, but she is also suffering from emotions that are hard to pinpoint. Counseling could help her, but she likely won't go. Is there a trusted family friend who can reassure her that she is cared for and that outside help is the only way to properly care for her husband? Third parties are often more effective than family as the complicated dynamics are removed.

Good luck. This is a tough situation.
Carol
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