Mom has always liked getting attention by crying, screaming, moaning, etc. How do I handle her?

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Her doctor knows this and won't give her anymore medicine. She just came home from 6 months in a nursing home w/no physical activity. She's giving her home health aides a hard time and screaming at me. Her doctor will not prescribe anymore psychic drugs.

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If this lady is cluster B - narcissistic/borderline/histrionic personality disorder, then there is absolutely no stunt too theatric, no tactic too extreme to make people do what you want. Sprinkle some dementia on there and you have yourself a fun little crazy cocktail. Without the right meds, yes, there will be screaming. Screaming because it's morning. Screaming because breakfast wasn't right. Screaming because I'm not the center of attention.

Some families won't approve the use of medication and I can't for the life of me understand why. Eventually the original behaviors of mental illness "BD" - before dementia - mesh into true dementia behaviors and it doesn't matter that there was mental illness there before.

If my mom doesn't get her Risparidone, there will be holy you-know-what to pay by anybody who dares enter her room that day.

Medicaid will pay for rehab after a qualifying hospital stay, and there are other conditions that have to be met, like cooperating with PT and making improvements on schedule. If the patient refuses to comply with treatment and isn't making progress, rehab is o-v-e-r.

If her screaming is in an early-moderate dementia state, then yes, turn around and leave when it starts. I would never do that to a baby, but I've done it with my mother a million times. I will stay when you talk nice. I will go when you don't. Sometimes you could hear her down in the dining room, hollering about this & that at the top of her lungs. Yep, that one's mine!

If she's in moderate-severe state, she won't understand "if...then". She really needs a good psych at that point and the right meds to remain calm. Agitation is not good for someone physically or mentally.
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If it is medicaid, it only lasts about 100 days and then they need a reevaluation or something along those lines. Did someone say she was ok to leave the nh? But if she's screaming, I don't think you need to sit there and listen to it. See if some of the tactics mentioned work: if not, try something else or go out of earshot. Is this possibly just sheer terror at being abandoned? Or just plain nasty.
When my mom was in a nh for rehab for about 6 weeks, there was some other resident there, in another room, who was always screaming 'get me out of here'. I have no clue who they were or what any backstory was but it did not get any attention. And I never saw anyone in that room visiting.
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Nothing is permanent. You can get her right back into a secured memory care unit where she will have a facility and programming and doctors who completely understand what's going on with her.

My mother has bipolar and some cluster B disorders on top of dementia, and acted like you describe your mom. It is possible to set things right so she is safe, in a stable environment, and can't manipulate people through loud meanness.

Getting a geriatric psychiatrist involved will make ALL the difference in the world. Depakote may not be quite right for her, and there are other choices that can be tried to turn the intensity down a few notches. It goes much easier if she is in a place that is serviced by the doctors than having to get her to appointments, for what it's worth.

Nobody really talks about that aspect of a residential facility, that getting the care to the resistant person is much easier that way and saves everybody a metric ton of stress. They don't have a choice about seeing the doctor.
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why were you made to bring her home from a nursing home. why didn't you put your foot down and state you can't cope any more. why didn't you tell a few porkies - say the stress is causing you uncontrollable fantasies about killing your mother. why didn't you state your mother tries to start fires in the home on a daily basis --- even if it's not true
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Good idea to change things up when she is angry. Start rubbing her shoulders and offer her tea, ice cube, find Lifetime channel and sit w her for a moment, get a pillow behind her back and put towels on the arm rest. Hand her a rosary. Tell her it will be alright over and over, brush her hair, give her lemonade. Sorry you are going through this difficult time.
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Pam, why do you think he has been suggesting that for awhile?
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I'm so sorry but mom is a destructive personality and would be better placed in a psych facility. Let the MD do that, I think he has been suggesting that for a while.
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camith, ok I see a temper tantrum if Mom doesn't get her way. Too bad you can't put her into time-out. As you have already noticed, if no one comes running, you Mom will do for herself. Mom is probably upset that she is now older and not independent like she use to be.

Yes, the fear of falling, that is so very real. After my fall in a parking lot and getting injured, I now am afraid I might fall down the stairs, so now I understand that aspect. Good that your mother uses her walker, so many refuse or forget to do so. Hopefully she won't start using falling as an attention getter.

It's a tough issue, how to shift out what is real and what is just high drama looking for attention. One can only cry wolf so many times. Don't forget, the Alzheimer's/Dementia.
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My Mom had a fall in the bath tub and got a small fracture on her spine. Normally, they don't hospitalize you for this, but her geriatric (and soon to be my MD) admitted her to the hospital and then nursing home, to give me a much needed break from her. He understands that the drama is a basic part of her personality and she gets attention by screaming. She is already on Prozac in combo with Depakote, for folks who suffer from bipolar. She had been on Valium for decades, but she was removed from them 2 years ago. She seems to prefer wallowing in self-pity and physical pain and screaming for help, instead of doing what she can to improve her lot in life. I notice that if I or the aide is not here, she managed to use her walker and get to the bathroom and change her diaper. She panics very easily and always thinks she'll fall, even if the aide is with her (she has a history of multiple falls). Our doctor goes into the nursing home and he told me that she drove the nurses and aides crazy w/her demanding, dramatic behavior.
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camith, your profile says that your mother has Alzheimer's/Dementia.... how long has she been diagnosed with this condition? When did the attention grabbing by crying started? If it was around the time she was diagnosed, then it is the disease doing the crying, screaming, etc.

Try to learn everything possible about this horrible disease, and then learn more. Go to the blue bar near the top of the page and click on SENIOR LIVING..... now click on Alzheimer's Care... scroll down to all the various article. Knowledge is your best defense.
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