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For Christmas, one of my 4 sisters-in-law was going to host the Christmas celebration with 5 siblings and their families at her house. Each one of us were told to bring something. My husband asked me to call her to see if we should bring more than a Jewish Apple Cake. I did. She, without even saying "hello" first, immediately started screaming at me! She was screaming at me about a game we were going to play. I was the one who had to calm her down as I don't have time for acrimonious behavior! I held my tongue, like a Godly woman should, but I was not happy with her nasty attitude! Then a week later I found out that 3 of my inept sisters-in-law had given my daughter a belated December 4 birthday gift to her in the form of a photo of all 4 sisters-in-law (so my daughter received this gift on December 26). I had already been given a similar photo of the 4 of them. One sister is kind. What do I do about the self-serving 3 sisters-in-law? Comments and suggestions are appreciated!

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When you are sober, read what you wrote above.
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Have you ever considered that perhaps some of these folks may be on the autism spectrum?
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Llamalover,
Sorry to hear about the screaming!
I would like to address the gift-giving to your daughter, as a reminder that you can ignore the sister-in-law (s), and use this opportunity to re-teach your daughter how to be gracious in responding to a gift with a thank you. Then explain to your daughter that all gifts are not a reflection of the recipient, but may be the carelessness or selfishness of the gift giver (s).
Any persons born in December, so sorry that your life has been combined with the gifts of celebration of an event over-shadowing your own birth. What can I say?
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Then, because the heart is deceitful above all things, you could take your own picture and cross off each Sil through the years after they are no longer a part of your family.
Wicked, huh?
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oops, I forgot to put my Lol at the end. I know that you, Llamalover, will appreciate my comment, because you said so. Lol.
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Can I ask, what gift did you give to your daughter this year.?
And did you combine the gift idea-Her birthday and Christmas?
I was troubled when deciding what to give my hubs on his December birthday.
I wanted it to be special, and acknowledged separate from a Christmas gift.
So I kept giving him his favorite gift, Amazon gift cards-and there were lots! His brother and Sil gave him one also. He is all set. We also went out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner lots in December.
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Pamstegma: I am sober. I made one mistake. Each one of WAS told.
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Hey, hey, hey, now! Don't be giving folks with autism a bad name, BarbBrooklyn.
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Do what I do with my sister-in-laws. Stay away from them as much as possible. When you are forced to be with them, smile sweetly and say nothing. If they confront you hysterically and treat you bad, leave.
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Is your daughter a child or an adult?

I'm not sure what Jewish apple cake is but the barefoot contessa has a recipe for apple cranberry cake which is really good
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Not trying to folks with autism a bad name by any stretch. Just wondering if the lack of perspective taking in this family might be attributed to that way of thinking, rather than to meanness, spite or nastiness. If I've offended anyone with my comment, I most sincerely apologize, but I meant it seriously as something to consider, not as a joke.
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Next time, your husband can call his sister.

I'm not sure why you need to 'handle' them at all? Let them be. You didn't marry them.
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BarbBrooklyn: No, not one has Autism Spectrum Disorder.
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Sendme2help: I do not need to reteach my daughter. I've done my job well. She appreciates gifts, but a photo of 4 aunts, 3 of which are self serving-a combined gift in a cheesy frame and was one given by 3 aunts was unkind.
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Sendme2help: I will not address any comment about December birthdays. It has no bearing on my question.Zip
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Delete zip. Error
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Send: xing them out of a photo is just engaging in their same rudeness. I will not be doing that.
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Send: I gave my daughter The Instant Pot for her birthday. Why would I combine birthday and Christmas gifts? That's unacceptable. There are too many gifts to name that I gave her for Christmas.
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Gershun: That's why I do. Stay away from people who are acrimonious! Don't need that person in my life if they're treating me poorly!!!!!!!!!
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MsMadge: My daughter is 44.
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Churchmouse: "Handle" may have been the wrong word. "Tell them wbere to go in no uncertain terms" is a better application.
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Pamstegma: I did not appreciate your thought process. As you had no idea what I have been enduring for 37 years from these individuals, why would you consider me to be drunk?
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BarbBrooklyn- you may not have been joking but I was - well, teasing at any rate. I know you wouldn't say anything mean or insensitive. You are my geriatric psychiatrist crusading hero! Sorry if my tease missed the mark.
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Rainmom; I knew that you were teasing, just didn't want to give anyone else the wrong idea! The people in my family who are on the spectrum have enough challenges in our society; they don't need my unintentional "might have been seen as a jab" making things more difficult.
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Llamalover, I don't know if there is anything you can do, other than refrain from engaging in further family gatherings, or to send out an email, to said SIL'S, and letbthem know how you truly feel! I can see no reason why she acted the way in which she did, the moment you arrived, except that possibly you somehow missed an email or correspondence from her, wanting you to bring something different or more to her gathering. Is it possible that your husband, maybe recieved information which he somehow failed to give to you, as I know that my husband has missed the mark on occasion, but still, for her to scream at you over something (and I still don't understand what), is completely unacceptable! I'm sorry you had to endure this on what was supposed to have been a nice occasion!

The birthday gift, again, kinda weird. Unless she somehow found out that you gave a simular gift, IDK, it just doesn't add up, and seems very deceitful on her part!

I mean really? Here's a pix of ONLY your 4 Aunties.....? What? Why wouldn't she have given her a pix that at least included her Dad in the pix, or you too? Another case of Twisted sister's is my guess, well at least one of them is a bit twisted. It sucks, having to deal with screwed up people, but sometimes that is what we get, when we marry into a dysfunction family. I know that I did! Big time!
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Llama, you can treat them like I do my SIL's. I am very nice to them when they are around me, then promptly forget them when they are not. I've known them a very long time, too, but what they do doesn't rattle me. I'm glad you don't have to live with them.

Oh, and I can't stand when someone gives pictures for presents. You feel like you need to display them, especially if they're coming to visit. But I don't like pictures of real people around me. It's like being watched. But beside that, pictures are something you just give someone. They aren't presents unless maybe you give them a portrait of themselves.
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Each family has its own dynamics and traditions. I don't give birthday OR holiday gifts to my 12 nieces and nephews. My sons don't get presents from their aunts and uncles. This is just not something our family does. If that is generally true in your family, then the photograph is just a little extra. If your family is in the habit of giving elaborate gifts perhaps these aunts are trying to break that tradition. Or maybe they are just cheap and inconsiderate.

In any case, the appropriate response to a gift is "thank you," as your daughter knows.

How do you handle these people? As little as possible!
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Staceyb: The sister-in-law who screamed at me-that happened over the phone. Rethinking it, that was extremely generous of me NOT to hang up on her! She didn't even say hello for goodness sakes! I have changed my Social Media account so that the 3 dysfunctional SIL's can only see some of my posts. I would NEVER CONSIDER GIVING A PERSON A PHOTO OF MYSELF! HOW VERY SELF-SERVING THAT WAS OF THEM! One SIL is kind. I will stay away from the bad behaving ones as much as possible. My 70th birthday party is coming up on Saturday, January 14 and they had best not mess it up, else I WILL NOT RESPOND TO NASTY ATTITUDES! My husband did nothing wrong. In fact, only one of them had responded to my planned birthday party. I stood up trying to speak asking if any were coming to my birthday party, he stood up for me, saying in a loud voice the second or third "Nancy is trying to speak, please be quiet."
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Thank you, JessieBelle. The weirdo SIL'S can learn a new skill if they want to--socialization! Thing is none of except can grasp the concept!
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Except ONE
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