How do you handle hurt feelings?

Follow
Share

My mother 93 with dementia sometimes is so nasty to me. She likes to sleep a lot in her recliner in the living room and jumps with every little noise. Then she yells at me, calls me a few choice words and tells me how inconsiderate I am for waking her up. I have to walk through to do laundry, cook, clean etc. Then tells me I do nothing for her. I quit my job to take care of her. I get very upset, my feelings get hurt and in two minutes she forgets the whole thing happened, but I don't. How do you all handle this?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
Get a good-sized handbell and ring it loudly before you go across the room. Then you can explain to your mother that you didn't want to make her jump, so you're using the bell to warn her you're coming through.

Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, eh?

Or, move her recliner. To her bedroom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes my mother said a lot of really nasty things to me and my brother during her last two years or so. It actually surprised me as I was so taken aback that those nasty statements were coming out of her mouth! To cope just take a 10 minute break and tell yourself that's not my real mother, that's her disease talking. And she would never apologize either as she probably couldn't remember saying it. For a CG it can be absolutely devastating emotionally. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to find a coping mechanism that works for you- go out and blast some music in your car, watch a comedy, take a walk, do a word puzzle. When my mom was in the NH that's what I would do, as sometimes you'd come back and she'd be nice again but more often than not there was no change. If it got too bad we'd leave and come back later or the next day.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Those insults do hurt, even when you know it is the dementia and not your loved one talking. Don't get down on yourself for feeling bad ... that just adds another layer of stress to an already stressful situation.

People with chronic illnesses, especially dementia, do a lot of unpleasant things they can't help doing. They may fall a lot. They drool. They have bathroom accidents or become incontinent. They say insulting things. This is all part of the package. The falling, drooling, and incontinence are not done deliberately to upset or inconvenience you. And neither is making insulting remarks. Your mom has damage to her brain. It always helped me to remember that!

Cherish every minute that she is NOT nasty to you. Remember that as your real mom. If would help, come here to vent when she is nasty -- we understand! Or maybe keeping a log about it would help you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Jessie, don't sell yourself too short. You have all the qualities that really matter: kindness, perseverance, patience, etc. You have MUCH to offer to any other human being. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life, but I know what you mean. I tried to date a little while caregiving and I felt too negative from the caregiving stuff to feel like I could give someone else very much. If you get the chance to try with someone, and you're interested, just be honest about the situation. You might be surprised how much Compassion and Family Values are considered very attractive qualities. :)
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Oh Jessie don't underestimate yourself. You obviously have a lot to offer if you attracted a stranger
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mother is a hermit. I used to feel guilty not spending time with her and waking her up when I was doing things. Now I realize that it is her pushing me away, and I'm not to blame. And it is her being nasty to me, not the other way around. So I do the things that need to be done and leave her to herself. To someone on the outside, it would sound bad, because it would be good to keep her company. My mother has always been a bit of a wolverine, though, and she doesn't want people around. So I stopped feeling guilty. I figured out a long time ago that she doesn't deserve me. I'm the only one that will do this, though, so she is stuck with me. I hope she can stay at home until her final days. We'll have to see where it goes.

The thing that helps me most is when I get out so I can talk to people. Talking to other people always makes me feel like things are not so hopeless. Today I even met a guy I really liked. I hope I'll run into him again. I don't have anything to offer anyone right now, but it felt good being around someone who was flirting. It was like a dose of good medicine for what ails me -- loneliness.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions