How to handle the holiday giving?

What does Mom want to do? Can she afford to continue with the gift giving? Does she want to?

If she wants to and can afford it, maybe sitting down with her at a computer and shopping at someplace that has a huge variety of things, such as Amazon, would allow her to participate in picking things out.

If she needs to cut back but still wants to do something, maybe she could give everyone -- adults and kids -- a silly pair of holiday socks, or each household a nice calendar.

If gift-giving really is no longer practical, stopping cold-turkey is perfectly acceptable.

Time to reverse the tradition and have the children and grandchildren give the gifts of themselves with visits, phone calls and letters throughout the year. The generousity your mother did in the past should now be reciprocated toward her.

When you send out your Christmas cards, include an address label with grandma's info on it, and ask them all to remember her and send HER something. Gentle reminders work, the pendulum needs to swing her way.

my mom went into a nursing home in august, i plan on putting both our names on the gift to siblings

That's about all you can do. Last year as a gag I did Mom's $1 gifs in addition to regular presents really as a gentle message to the family. Lots of things were thrift store finds, plus the Dollar store and handmade. If the recipients don't visit to receive their gifts in person they just get a card in the mail.

I would stop doing the gifts unless she insists and has enough money for herself. I think the gift giving by the elderly who are in poor health tends to be
gift giving by the caregiving child.

I did the gift giving my dad had established through his 93rd yr but really it didn't make sense. He wanted to continue but guess who had to factor in
gift giving, running to the bank for funds on top of caring for him and decorating the house which he did enjoy. He loved Christmas. He had enough money to give the gifts so I did comply but it was an added burden which took up much need time.

Perhaps a compromise, give nice Hallmark Christmas cards and small gift certificates to some place nearby?? Do whatever you can to keep it simple.
Being a caregiver, your time is so important you can't afford to run from store to store--continue some shopping online with direct delivery to the gifted person. (You can't be standing in post office lines while running up a home health aide bill on the home front).

I like Veronica's message...no visit, no gift. Must be careful gifting within 5 years of applying for medicaid. Small gifts could be ok, but no more that $500 in any one month. Its not the time to be getting rid of money at this point of life! You don't want to be disqualified for medicaid paying for your care by poor gifting advice. Seek a "qualified" Elderlaw Attorney...I go to NAELA to find attorneys that go the extra step to learn more....they aren't taught this stuff in their regular schooling!!!

Many years ago I started a tradition with my own children, all got an inexpensive ornament, I then would add their names and year in a Sharpie. I did something similar last year for my mom to give great grandkids. I took her to have her picture taken with the Great Grandkids with Santa. I purchased a package with enough wallet size photos for each GG. I then had the photo laminated, found a very cute coin purse ornament, printed a childs holiday poem on holiday paper for each GG, put the the coin purse ornament. Gifts that the kids will have for many years, with a picture of GG with them as little kids. They loved it! Cost of each ornament with photo, ornament and poem, about $5.00.

All of her children and grandchildren should be giving her gifts. She just needs to enjoy being wonderful!

At this point I don't think she should be gifting unless she absolutely insists. If she does, I would suggest to her that she does it only for the grandchildren, not the grown children. That would narrow now the cost and time involved. Gifting grandchildren could be a gift bag with fruits, nuts, candy and a small inexpensive gift from the dollar store. It could all be done in one shopping trip and a little time putting the bags together. I believe this would satisfy her and the grandchildren. I also agree that the grown children should bring the grandchildren around to visit in order to get their goodies and show grandma some love.