How do you handle false story telling in social situations?

Yes, I struggle with this too.My mom gets little details wrong, and stories tend to change with every telling, but what bothers me most is...I always come out looking stupid....or lazy.....or crazy....or mean.....and I am NONE of those things. I have decided that those who know me and hear these things, know better. And those that don't know me.....I don't give a flying hoot what they think.

Sometimes it goes beyond that. Maria, my mother can spin a yarn, too. She can take a scrap of truth and make up a whole story. So far her confabulations haven't caused any harm, so I just let them go. They do set off the alarms on my reality-check meter, however. This makes me feel a bit off balance. She totally believes in her own stories. She'll forget what really happened and the confabulation becomes truth.

I love the word 'confabulations' - my MIL is a pro! Her doc says she does NOT have dementia - yet there is little if anything she says any more that even resembles truth.

Typical Confabulation: She just told someone who visited her this morning that her son's father in law died of a heart attack last month (true) - and just before he had the attack he moved himself and his wife to 'town' - 'he must have known something was wrong' - and the just a short time ago asked his son to take him back to the farm and he walked all around the farm and then shortly after he got home he died. (all a confabulation)

TRUTH: He had a severed heart attack about 10 years ago. They left the farm. He would go back to fish now and then. His health was deteriorating so they moved closer to their kids a few months ago. His condition worsened and he died a month ago. It was not caused by hiking around the farm 'one last time.'

These folks don't know the person she was talking about and her story sounded 'plausible' - but hardly a word of it resembled the real truth - but who would know?

If we corrected every single confabulation - we would be at it 24/7. If you mention anything she gets upset - because she KNOWS what happened - she KNOWS how it was, etc., etc., etc.

I tell those close to us that 'most' of what she says is inaccurate at best. Not to believe much of what she says - because it is just 'her reality' - doesn't resemble truth. Most understand.

On couple stopped seeing us abruptly - and we know it is something awful she told them and they believed. I say 'good riddance' - don't need friends like that anyway.

All I know is God knows what we deal with here - and he knows it isn't easy.

Wish my sense of humor covered this area better. I just get exasperated. I have to just stay away from her a much as possible.

Use the "five mile stare" if you happen to be in the room. Anybody who knows you will know the truth of the matter.

Any untruths you later hear being repeated, if they're worth bothering about, you can correct with the simple statement: "my mother in law is suffering with Alzheimer's Disease. I will not hold what she says against her, but you must understand that it is unreliable." Or, if appropriate, "…actionable."

My mother has been telling everybody she wishes to entertain for at least 40 years that I have a complex about my fat legs. I'm just not going to go into it, but No I Haven't.

Both my mother AND my father will create a whole new story from a bit of truth. At first when this happened I questioned myself....did I get the facts wrong?? But I noticed it happening more and more often and realized it was them. Sometimes the stories are just flat out lies and they would tell other people and making me look bad. Or they dream something or see something on TV and create their own twisted reality to retell in their others. Their stories are so convincing. Once they created a story so horriable that my cousin drove 400 miles to see what was going on. I've had their friends call me angry about their situations, only to find little truth to their stories. Some may call it dementia, but it has really strained our relationship especially when I've bend over backwards to help them and they create mean things to tell. They never seem to create positive stories. It can really hurts.

My Dad tells some doozies, but they are not hurtful to us. He will swear he lived in relatives homes (years ago), played sports professionally (He was a Navy boxer, but never a pro hockey player). Still goes to work as a principle, etc. we just roll with it, and luckily the in laws he claims he built thier house know the score! We have given up trying to correct most of this. easier that way!

Thank you all. One time my MIL went on and on about how she gave my husband and I all our money and that our business really belonged to her etc. Wow!! They never ever gave us a penny. And my husband and I started our business from nothing and my inlaws had nothing to do with it. But in the presence of other people, I'm sure her story sounded believable. And of course it hurt me deeply and discredited my husband's legacy. That incident was the icing on the cake. and like BoniChak says.................I always end up looking horrible and it's so not true :(

skinonna - Love that! ''Old people lie.'' Sad, but true. Maybe it is because the truth is so boring and their lives are so dismally dull. But some of the tales - especially when they are hurtful and pointed straight at you - can be very hard to take and even harder to explain to others. Many hear these hurtful, snide, demeaning remarks that are designed to destroy your character in their eyes and DON'T KNOW that they are lies.

Let's just say that after overhearing my MIL spend an hour telling one horrid, hateful tale after another to her Social Worker - I no longer feel the need to put her life before my own anymore. I did that for years. It got me nowhere except the bottom of her list. So, I took a two week vacation ALONE and came home to NEW RULES and a New Way of Thinkin'. Things are better for us - she is even happier - but would never, ever admit it.

But the ''Old People Lie'' quote is 100% accurate. If the lies are harmless - it is easier to deal with.

OMG, welcome to the world of the big mind bending cluster. I won't bother with the details of my trials, but just as you learn how to fib again, you will also have to learn to just let it go. If it is not creating a group of people with pitch forks and torches gathering outside your house for you, or the police banging on the door to take you to the slammer, faggetabout it. This is what happens, this is what they do. Once you realize it, it won't hurt you like it does now. The showtiming can really make you feel insane, but once again, once you really understand and know what is going on is what happens, it makes it easier for you. Just always cover your butt with anything that could ever compromise your safety, it is ironic that those that take on the huge love of care are the very ones placed in peril from doing it. Love and care but remember you are your own first priority, your mental and physical health is paramount.

Marialake, I'm the kind of person who makes a fetish of the truth. I go around correcting people all the time. Since my DH's memory has become unreliable, I have had to change my ways somewhat. Most of the time, it doesn't matter one little bit that his story is factually inaccurate.

I feel like learning this is making me a better person, less proud and less of a pain in the a.

If she's telling nasty stories about you, that's another thing entirely. What about telling visitors when they arrive that Mom's stories won't be strictly factual. If they hear something upsetting, they should check with you first before calling APS,

Prepped like that, most people will figure out the truth. No good deed goes unpunished. lol.