Who do I get to handle my Dad's financial matters?

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I am my Dad's POA and patient advocate. He is in assisted living and his mind is still sharp. I had to put him in assisted living because I can't take care of him anymore. He has accused me of yanking him out of his home, he asked me if the offer still stood to move in with me. I want someone to take over his financial matters so I don't get accused of stealing money.

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SallyB, My youngest brother passed away in Feb. at that time all of the documents were updated so my brothers share went to his wife.
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Perhaps you need an attorney. Idk.
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AKADAUGHTER - you are doing the best you can - if lazy bro can't get off his duff to see/visit/be involved with parents then he will have no standing - get his email address & swamp him with copies of the minutia of everything - if he never responds after making sure that's his email then he will have no leg to stand on later on - be sure to copy yourself ... I actually have my email with 'AA' in front so is first on list & easy to copy - good luck because nothing like a guilty conscience to make someone [particularly males] stand up & try to pretend to be stalLIONS when they are really dandiLIONS... lol - hugs in your future issues
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Farther on - I took over the mess mom made of her money - she had a discount broker - DO NOT USE THIS IF YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF OTHER'S MONEY - they give no feedback, no advice etc - I switched to a regular broker that I knew & in 47 months more than doubled mom's portfolio [goes to next generation not mine under her will] because I didn't think they were giving right support in a P.O.A. situation - the extra %age for transactions are worth knowing you are getting good advice & dealing with same person each time
The term 'penny wise & pound foolish' comes into play here - my children & my sister's children will be the ones who benefit [not me] so I live in hope they will take me out to dinner when the time comes [however not holding my breathe]
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I have been POA for my mother for almost 14 years, although I have only had to totally handle her finances for about 5.5 years. Before that, I mostly handled investments, which were a bit of a mess after my father died, and put funds into her checking account as needed. I have one sibling who has had no contact with my mother for many years, not even a phone call or a birthday card. I worry that my sibling will accuse me of mishandling my mother's money and possibly even sue me. Although I keep records, after several years it would be difficult to remember every detail. I have several years of tax returns, bank statements and credit card statements, but I admit that receipts for small purchases like clothing, sheets, Depends and other personal items are just piled in a shoebox. I spoke with my attorney about my concerns and he told me that my sibling would have a hard time finding an attorney to take his case since he has had no contact for several years; and that if he questioned me, I should invite him to sort through the box of receipts. Sure, I could spend hours every month keeping better records, but I prefer to spend my time visiting mom, doing crafts, gardening and playing with my grandchildren. Sometimes you need to find a balance that works for you and not try to please everyone.
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When I became POA, there was just me, assuming responsibility for Mom and Dad both. Mom had always been cared for, and had no ability to deal with bills and investments. My Dad, on occasion, would act as though he was unsure I knew what I was doing, so I offered to make up a monthly summary sheet, that showed, income coming in, what all the bills costs and what the balance was. I told him (thought it was a fiblet) that a copy had to go to lawyer monthly so he knew I was doing right by my parents. I said Dad could always call his lawyer if he had questions. Lawyer said to do it this way. Dad never called after getting a couple statements, he said he didn't need them anyway, and he was getting tired of reading stuff. After that, the only question that came regularly was, " Do we still have enough money?" " Does your mother have all the money she needs?" He didn't even remember to ask about any particular bills. MOM is the one who would call the lawyer and complain and ask if I was doing the right stuff. I soon learned to tell her that the yard man costs whatever she thought was reasonable....no matter what, because she literally was so cheap in her thinking, she thought everything I paid for was excessive. She thought for a minor thing like trimming bushes, I should get on the phone and check everyone in the yellow pages etc, to see who would do it the cheapest, and when I even gave her a real quote, she would be frantic with the notion that there had to be a way to get someone....family, a neighbor, anyone, to do it for less! So I would just finally say, well how much do you think is reasonable to pay for ex: " painting the outside of the house".....and she would say something totally stupid like ' Someone should be willing to do that for $500 total don't you think?" And I would just tell her I found someone and that's what they charged. She never asked for a bill and I never let her see receipts. But one time, she went to the bank and got them to give her a print out of the checking account statement, and went crazy at how much it cost to pay for Dad to pay where he was in Memory Care. I had to lug her around to other places and have them give tours and give her rates....I agreed to do three....and when she saw the deplorable conditions of some places for the same costs, she quit complaining about that. I also, whenever she complained about how we weren't getting our money's worth at his place because they didn't do everything like she thought it should be done....right down to the laundry and how the food was dished up and who ate first or last.....I would say, " Well Mom, we could hire caregivers around the clock and bring him back home with you, or you could decide how much you could do for him every day, but remember, there's showers, and bathroom, and medicines, and going to bed on time, and dressing and fixing all the food all the time. THAT ended those discussions too!! She didn't want to...and later in her own Alzheimer's, she really could not handle having responsibility for him around, even with caregivers helping out. I still keep the same monthly summaries of ins and outs, just in case anyone wants to think I was doing wrong though..... It will be helpful if Mom ends up having to go on Medicaid......I know that.....from helping with Dad's application process.
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If it has been more than a few years since your father prepared his estate planning docs, I would strongly suggest they be reviewed by an elder law attorney to make certain they can address any of a number of problems that may arise in the future. Particularly, you want to make certain the docs address issues of what happens if your father becomes incapacitated as you absolutely want to avoid the possibility of having a conservatorship which is very expensive and very intrusive. Many of the older docs prepared even by estate planning attorneys are incomplete in this regard. You can search for a local elder law attorney on the site of National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.
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I have the support of my siblings, 2 live out of state and one is here for 6 months and in Florida for 6 months. They know how my Dad can be and I think that is why none of them have stepped up to take him, when I have talked to them about the one accusation my Dad made about being yanked out of his house, they all agreed about having someone take over his finances. It's my Dad that I'm worried about making the accusations. He does have his own separate accounts and he already has a living trust, plus a will. I appreciate all of the ideas from everyone.
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You can hire a professional fiduciary as this is exactly what they do.
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I keep emaculate records. I document every detail on spreadsheets which I made up so that every check and spending was documented and keep for auditing. I am lucky, my brother has always said that he trusts me completely, but I want to be prepared in case there is ever a reason I need to account for every penny that I spend for my folks. I keep separate checkbooks, separate banks, spreadsheets, etc. This takes a lot of time every month but in the long run I feel it is work it.
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