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I love my dad I really do but he moved in this spring after mom died. We cleaned the house out and now here he is. I gave him a living room, bed and bath to live in (my office). I cook, clean and shop. I set his finances up (mom did all that) give him things to do. Now all he does is sit and watch TV. He has a car, he can move around drive etc. But he is becoming more and more dependent on me. I try to get him to do his own thing. I know he is miles from home but this was the only plan. I took him on a trip this summer, now the annual hunting trip is coming and I don't want to go. I told him I cant afford it. Now he wants to pay my way. I really want a break to spend with my wife. If I go she will be OK but not happy, If I go I will be the valet, chauffeur, cook, nurse and gopher. he keeps offering to pay. My work suffered with all the moving this year so I am in the hole financially. So if i went I'd feel bad going. If I don't go he wont (he has only as missed one year in 60 going). Last night he laid a check on the counter to cover my license. I do have an appointment I already scheduled for work that week. I have told him 10 times I am not going but he keeps pushing. I am trying to be nice but my patience is wearing thin. My SIL will go but wont be happy if I don't, so here I am disappointing many.....

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Your dad is able to move without significant mobility issues, he can drive, he could volunteer, he could go to the senior center. I don't see him as dependent but choosing to forgo finding new things to do, creating a life for himself. He's finding it easier to have you put together activities, entertaining him. Perhaps it's because your mom took care of these things. Setting boundaries while he's healthy and able bodied will help you in the future. I know you love and respect your dad so it's tricky to learn to say no - I find it helps to calmly say no I can't do that and it's really not up for further discussion.
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You are doing enough. Honesty is best here. Flat out tell him no, please stop pushing me into something I can't do. I need time with my wife. My marriage comes first. if you can't do this, and get guilted into going hunting, get into therapy. You need to learn how to set boundaries, and enforce them. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful strong loving guy. You Dad has already admitted he will push till he gets his way. My Dad is the same way. Therapy taught me how to calmly say no, stop asking. It works. Good luck
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I just took him on an 8 day fishing trip out west. That was enough time for me (with the guys we go hunting with). I wont be saying I wish I did, right now I am saying I need time with my wife!
He will hunt for an hour or 2, then come back to the cabin. He can move when he wants to, it is a matter of convenience. When I am headed out the door and he wants to go with me he moves quiet fast. When its time to do something else its another matter. I do plenty with him as I am the only child to do so. Right now I need some me time. Heading out for a client meeting, quiet time in the car for me.... Yea! He is good at waiting until someone else does what needs to be done, he admitted it, he has always done that. He has worked hard all his life and I don't mean to sound like he is lazy because he is not. it is just certain things. Then I come to find out my sister tells him anything she see on social media so I cant say a word outside of my own home. luckily I don't but she has told him things that I already told him but he brings it back around from her like it is new news. Oh the family strife......
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On this site, we generally advise people not to let a parent move in. What happens if he outlives you? What is the plan for his 24/7 care? I would not have taken my mother anywhere, at all - because it is like you describe, and she would even dictate when we stop for the night and what route we take.

I would tell my sister to tell her "No." (to no avail.) You are going to have to get quite firm and tell him, you are at risk of losing your job, if you go. What on earth is he doing going hunting, anyway - if he needs your help just to live, day to day? I don't know where he is going hunting at but it is 23 degrees in the midwest and -13 in Wyoming. The elderly are in danger, even if their heat goes out. Good luck , to you.
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We put a lot of pressure on ourselves when it comes to our family members who are aging, ailing, etc. If you don't set some limits, you will get sick. It happened to me. I have learned to set limitations. If my judgment and desire is against something, then I should listen to my inner voice. That's what counts. What others think, is something I can't control. I can only do what I think is right for me.

You might sit down and make a list of pros and cons about the trip. Weigh it out and then make your final decision. What if you planned another one day event that you could do with dad that wouldn't interfere with your job so much? I know you say he's relying on you too much, but set a day for just you two and see if it would satisfy him a little.

Sometimes people cling to the thing they are the most afraid of losing. Deal with him as you have with lots of compassion and with actions that reassure him you and he are still solid.

It gets easier to make those calls once you start doing it. It's funny how the roles reverse as we get older and it's like we are the parent setting the boundaries and making the decisions on how things will go, instead of them doing it when we were kids.
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If you don't go, you will be standing by the casket wishing you had taken him on one last trip in the woods. I say go. Time is short. If I die in the woods, it would be a beautiful thing.
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Don't worry about disappointing your dad or your SIL. Do what you need to do and let others just deal with it.

When my dad lived with me he wanted to take a trip down south to see his brother and visit old haunts. He would have needed me to drive him. A 2-day drive with my dad's incontinence. He too offered to pay my way and get a hotel room (ONE room, not two). I refused. I felt bad because he wanted to see his old stomping grounds but the trip would have been a nightmare for me and I couldn't bring myself to do it.
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Tell dad what you told us. Financially, you don't want to go. Not just him paying for it, but the work you will miss when you are gone. Be frank with him that you would like to spend that time with your wife while he is gone. If you disappoint many, they will get over it. You are going the extra mile as it is.
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