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I am his only daughter and will possibly have to decide for him should he not be mentally cognitive or communicating clearly. He has some kind of vascular disease and his left leg is turning discolored and the doctor says he can no longer do more surgery on the weak veins. He can no longer walk or live alone. Now they want to amputate his left leg.This is a devastating situation on top of all of his other health conditions. I feel totally numb and unable to make any decisions myself. In the meantime the nursing home is charging hundreds of dollars for his care, his medicare is used up, and they are telling me his home has to be sold and he needs to be on Medicaid asap. This feels like a horrible nightmare and I feel unable to cope. In the meantime my personal life is completely spiraling out of control. I feel like a 60 year old delinquent, negligent child for not having prepared for this time myself, in spite of him and his fiercely independent, controlling behavior and attitudes. This should not be such a horrific surprise and I feel completely overwhelmed and foolish to not have seen this series of terrible events coming. How to handle this situation without losing my own sanity is all I can deal with at the moment. This is truly daunting.

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Sally, STOP beating yourself up. No one would have this set of circumstances develop intentionally. Has your Dad been seen by a vascular specialist? That is number 1. Get paperwork started for Medicaid, veterans benefits and anything else he may qualify for. As to the diarrhea, bring him probiotic (active) yogurts and ask for a list of foods he is eating. My Mom had an issue with this. I started visiting the AL at meal times. AND Imonitored what they put on her plate. Had to argue a bit but ultimately won on issues of 2 cups of baked beans (REALLY, for a 97 year old 120 pound woman!) The staff has no ability to modify portions based on situations or needs. I stopped the cabbage as well! No wonder my Mom had a problem. Hope this helps, meet with the doctor.
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Lots of tough issues here. If you don't have POA or guardianship you need to get this done. You may want to consult an attorney about that as well as the Medicare , Medicaid, and selling the house issues. He needs to apply for medicad a sap and they usually don't make you sell you house but recover Medicaid costs from the estate after death and probate. Is there a social worker at his facility that can help you through this. Is it time to consider hospice and palliative care? Why is your personal life "spiraling out of control"?
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