How do I handle criticism from my adult children about how I care for my elderly parents?

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Who still live independently about 2 hours away from me. There are times I feel they should see their doctor about something but they refuse. My children think I can make them go and make me feel bad for letting them decide if they should go to the dr. or not.

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That regular routine appointment is not a bad idea, though the doc has to be able to document enough that it's clearly medically necessary. It tends to provide attention that is not dependent on being sick and complaining, and might pick up problems that could be prevented from fully blossoming into an actue crisis.
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Elderly people should have scheduled appointments, just like changing the oil in your car....EVERY 3 - 6 MONTH APPOINTMENTS, whatever doc thinks is valid.... Then if anything else happens in between, make another appointment. And if elderly people are involved, over 85 years old, talk to social worker or hospice.....Ask them, it cant hurt...
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THE CIRCLE OF LIFE......Well, unless you want to physically take your parents, or your kids to take their parents.... At least your parents can still "think" on their own. Let them, life is short. and is it life threatening? Tell them they should just automatically schedule regular 3 - 6 month check ups with their doctors..Just like a dental appointment, every 6 months in not sooner, I take my mom and aunt every 2 months to clean their teeth.... :))
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Let your adult children take their grandparents to the doctor and help you with their care. They are adults and should offer to help you.
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First of all, no one can "make" you feel bad. You are allowing your adult children to bully you into feeling bad, and as an adult you have a right to feel badly or not. The choice is up to you. Take control of your own life, treat your parents the way you feel they would want you to, and let your adult children fend for themselves. Only give advice when asked. If they don't take it, that is there business. You can only change yourself and your feelings about what happens to you.
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I agree that the people who are not taking the responsibility for the aging parents have no business telling those who do how to do their jobs! My sisters and I take care of our parents and get tons of advice from the sibs who do nothing. My folks are basically healthy except for orthopedic stuff that is never going to get better without surgery, and since they are 90 nobody will do surgery. They also both have dementia, although neither will admit it. So we do the best we can; Mom & Dad see their primary care doc 2x per year whether they need it or not - more often on the rare occasions they are sick; they see specialists when necessary; and since one of us is with them every day we know when it is necessary. So if a son or cousin or grandchild calls and they whine, DO NOT presume to tell us what to do! We have their best interests at heart, we are with them 24/7 and we are on top of things. If the person giving the well-meaning advice would like to come and take over the 24/7 care, they are welcome.
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Tell your children that children do not tell parents what to do as long as they are able to make their own decisions, and don't ever try that on you now or as long as you can make your own decisions.
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This is an opportunity for you to continue to do some more growing up of your own: nobody can "make" you feel bad. Do what you think is right, and interact with your adult children like adult peers. Be clear and empathic with yourself and with them, and engage them as collaborators and mutual supporters (both ways!).
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Talk to the kids about your hopes and plans for yourself if you should ever need the help that your parents now are getting from you. Go over your plans for POAs with them, draw up your will, DNR, or whatever. Have a family meeting, maybe at the next family event, like a holiday weekend. Let them know ahead of time so they can get their thoughts together. You can ease the concerns for yourself into the discussion of what your parents did/didn't do, what you are dealing with now and how they would like to participate more directly in the care of their grandparents. Time for the grown-up kids to deal in a grown-up way with these adult issues. You can show them the way.
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Maybe they need to go visit their grandparents more often (and for longer than a few minutes at a time) & see for themselves how difficult it can be?
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