My brother lives next door to my 86 year old Mom (who lives alone). He is 51, single, and has his own HVAC business so many times can set his own hours. I am continually frustrated by his disinterest (for lack of a better word) in helping her. As an example, I called to ask him if he could bring her some coffee filters so she would be able to make her coffee today and he mentioned that she had called him "again" to say the furnace was making a funny noise. It was probably OK but she had just witnessed her neighbor's house burn down and was understandably anxious. He said he would bring the filters down and "check" on the furnace although he sounded annoyed by having to do this. Remember, he's the HVAC guy! Also, during this conversation, he said he would have to borrow money again from Mom. Borrow, to me, means paying it back at some point? That has never happened as I take care of the checkbook so I know what he's borrowed and what has not been paid back ($25,000 so far). I've worked with him on his finances, a business plan, etc. to get him out of debt but, again, he doesn't follow through. In the past, I've suggested that he be paid for some of the things he does like mowing the lawn, working on some house repairs, etc. This has worked out when he actually does do what he says he's going to and my Mom is happy to pay him but it is like pulling teeth to get him to commit. Back to the furnace/coffee filter issue...when I talked to Mom this morning, I found out he never did show up yesterday which has me pulling out my hair! Even after he said he would go - he didn't. This goes on all the time and he will go days without stopping in which, of course, hurts her since he lives right next door. Last year, she fell going out to get the newspaper. It was in February, very cold and they are in a rural area where only a few cars go by each day. Fortunately, she wears a fall alert and I got the call that she fell. It took me 10 minutes to get there and she was by the mailbox, unable to get up. Thankfully she wasn't hurt, just cold. We decided that my brother would get her mail and newspaper every day during the cold weather so she didn't feel like she had to go outside. That worked for about 2 weeks. This winter, I invariably find the newspapers/mail in the box from the last time I stopped in. I just don't get it - he lives right next door! I should mention that I have two other brothers that live out of state so obviously the lion's share of the caretaking falls on us that live nearby. I recognize that, after all these years, my brother probably isn't going to change but I can't get past being frustrated when he can't even seem to do the simplest things to help out our Mom. Argghh!