I am the parent of a mentally retarded autistic adult with health issues who will live with me and my husband his entire life. He is self sufficient to the extent that I can leave the house for a few hours to do grocery shopping and other necessities but could not be left overnight alone.
My mother has dementia but still lives in her own home about three hours away from me. My sister lives about twenty minutes (or an hour depending on traffic) away from her and does all the routine caregiving duties-pays her bills, cleans her home, takes her out and does her grocery shopping usually on Sundays in addition to her regular job. My mother's house is in terrible condition but she has no money for repairs. Early on I suggested that she sell it and move near me--she would have made a very handsome profit as real estate is much cheaper here and I would have been available to help her every day, but my sister (she has POA) wouldn't hear of it. There's a lot of emotional baggage that I won't go into here.
My problem is that my sister is angry and resents my inability to help out more. I've taken mom to a couple of doctor appointments and have come up to clean her house several times. In order to do that, my husband has to take off from his job to stay with my son and I have to pack a suitcase and at least stay overnight with mom. While I haven't had a vacation in twenty plus years, I've come to do the caregiving while my sister vacations in Europe and Mexico but she acts as if it's the least I could do because SHE needs a break!