My father lives with my handicap brother and a son recently diagnosed with liver disease my dad has recently fell he can not walk and is now is in a wheelchair. I work and live within minutes from the home . I go there 3 times a day to feed, change and get him up and move my father. I did this with my mom for 5 years before I physically could not lift her anymore. I had to put her in nursing home and she passed within the year. So my parents did the spend down and we paid funerals. I know my dad will have to end up in the nursing home because of his hip replacement his legs are turning in and I may damage him more. I just want to make sure my handicap brother can stay in home he is 60 years old and I am trying to keep is live a normal as possible. My parents do not have any money do to my mom being in and out of nursing homes in previous years. There home is paid for but needs a lot of repairs more then he can afford. I am trying to do the best I can but I am 53 years old and wearing down fast. Not sure if I can let my brothers stay in home.
Letting go is never easy, but so much better for all if things are in place well before needed. I had always thought I'd be there for/look after my BIL until the end. Now I realise with my own diagnosis, that while there is no knowing the speed at which my life will change I need to have plans in place Now in case I can't do what I expected too.
Some think me pessimistic but I like to envisage the very worst scenario possible and plan how I'll deal with it. If it happens I'm ready, if it's not hat bad - great I've gained and I still have coping strategies to use for the next thing.
All that said you should be proud of yourself for the planning/provision you are making for your son.
Also, if you brothers have been declared legally disabled, then they may have benefits that would provide for their care, such as in a group home setting. Considering the repairs needed for the house, it may not be feasible to keep them there indefinitely.