My husband and I moved my MIL in back in Oct 2012, she was forgetful then, but then she started accusing my husband and I of fighting when we were not, she said she heard it, we put it down to it was the tv making noise, then she decided that she could no longer do anything for herself, I had to do everything, she is still able to do for herself she chooses not to she blames it on this or that, then the Hallucinations started, she swears there is a little boy that comes to my house at 8:30 at night and sleeps behind the couch and I take him to school in the morning, now she says there is a man who comes in my house and harms my daughter who is nine years old and i take care of this man so i can make extra money the last episode 2 days ago was that the man came into my house and was harming my daughter and gave her meds to go to sleep so i could make extra money, then she called the police on me because i was allowing it to happen, the police came and told her nobody was there and she said no he left, they knew different because it was snowing outside, so now it is putting a strain on my entire family and she refuses help, she has been dx: vascular dementia, how do my family and I deal with this?
They are always resistent at first. This is where patience begins. Have you ever had to restrict your child, take something away from them, like privileges or the car keys? You take charge because you are are the one in control.
It is iffy in the beginning when things start to change. You may second guess yourself taking charge of your MIL, but your gut instinct is trying to convice you "it's time."
I would suggest telling her you need to have an appointment with someone for business; ask her to come with you then take her out to lunch after. If she is delusional, she will think you need her support, right? Don't tell her it's a psychiatrist.
I think that is a pretty good set up, if I do say so myself. LOL! Good Luck:) xo
How to cope? First, read up on vascular dementia if you haven't already. It may help to understand that her behavior is driven by her disease.
Then be sure she has a doctor very experienced in dealing with dementia, and stay in touch with that doctor. There is no cure, but symptoms can be treated. I understand that hallucinations and delusions are very hard to treat but treatment can sometimes be successful. It is worth discussing with a doctor.
Join a caregiver group. Learn strategies for coping with these behaviors. Vent!
Dementia is very, very stressful on the caregivers. It may be that even with much learning and effort it is just beyond you and your husband to deal with this. It might be best for all concerned to have MIL in an appropriate long-term-care facility, to advocate for her good care, to visit her often, to continue to love her, but not to be her hands-on caregiver.