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My mother had long hair we did not cut for the last 2 years. She lives in a memory care where the aides kept it in a ponytail. Her activies include sitting in a wheelchair and lying in bed. Last week, the facility called and asked if the new hairstylist could cut her hair and what would I like and I said a nice short wash and wear.


Our hospice aide and nurse were both distressed the next day and sent me photos. The stylist simply pulled the bun up a little and cut it off! She claims she couldn't do anything else as mother would not hold still. It was horrible so I went over to try to fix it. I used a DVD of a kids' dog movie from redbox to keep her from noticing I was messing with her hair, just like with little kids. I have 30 years experience cutting my husband and 4 sons' hair, but none in ladies', and she has a great businessman's special now! What can I do to make it more feminine next time?

Hopefully you didn't have to pay for the butcher job. I am horrified that they solicited the haircut and the hairdresser couldn't actually do the job. Sounds quite unethical to me.

I cut hair for seniors in care homes and I think that bangs around the face are a more classic feminine style, or a nice shag that is very simple to achieve. I always try to leave length in the back with any cut for a woman.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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You have gotten a lot of good hair suggestions, so I will speak to something else you mentioned. I think it says alot about the nurse and aide that they felt upset on your Mom's behalf enough to call you. This means they see her as a person that deserves to be treated with respect, care and dignity. Even with something as simple as a hairstyle. So feel good your Mom has them at her side.
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Reply to plum9195
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surprise Sep 26, 2019
Yes, the people from our hospice are fantastic. They are able to be tender in ways I'm not because of my history with her. I appreciate how they see every human as worthy of their very best. This is a faith based, non profit hospice and we are on our second contact with the. Just outstanding people.
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I did manage to make the top longer than the sloping sides of the head - most of my girlfriends who have short hair have Ellen styles, and the last time we went to a salon, this is what mthr chose too. At least she liked really short 3 years ago!

The short part from the bun removal was right at the peak of the curve on the back of the head - the hair there was not more than 1/2 inch, so I made everything at that level a bit longer to try to camouflage the hole. The hair surrounding her face naturally grows backwards, and I have no idea what to do when bangs would not go forward on her face. It's always swept back like she was standing in front of a strong fan for too long!

The nurse took up the bad cut with the administrator who said the hairdresser would touch it up in two weeks for no extra charge. I think they'd had words based on the reaction that I saw when I arrived. I was pretty steamed and they could tell I was unhappy. The owner tried to minimize and I told her I'd seen the photos already, and I told her not to put mthr back on the list EVER. I was too hot to say much else. I reminded them both to not let the hairdresser touch mthr when she came back as I left.

I think I'll write a letter detailing my concerns tomorrow morning and telling them to make sure that she is not billed since I took away from my family almost 3 hours to get there and work on this mess. I certainly had better things to do since we were leaving for our college freshman's family weekend events that night.
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Reply to surprise
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I know some will say "say what??" at this idea but I was wondering if you could add a color streak in a wild and crazy color.... something fun, like pink, purple, or green. Or maybe blue.... remember when older gals would tint their hair with a blue tint? A color that would fade out after so many washings.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Isthisrealyreal Sep 22, 2019
Yep, we still call our snowbirds blue hairs.

I had a fuchsia pink weave done many years ago to help hide a hideous haircut.
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IMO that hairdresser should get a kick in the a$$, lopping it off the way she did was just asking for trouble as it must have left her with very few options - has she never before dealt with any other older women or little girls who won't sit still?

My mom had a perm a few times a year and a weekly wash and set for as long as I can remember, when she could no longer manage the hairdresser I took over the wash and set and periodic haircuts (like you I had experience with men/boys hair but not women's). I finally gave up the curls altogether and went with a simple short style that was long enough to be brushed back behind her ears - 3 or 4 inches? - but not so long that it would fall forward in her face.
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Reply to cwillie
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Shane1124 Sep 25, 2019
I so agree! I would be angry as well.
Why would she have done that? She could have taken the band off to check your mothers length - actually the GD was pretty lazy. 1/2” in some places - wow.
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I’ve read through and am glad you spoke up about the sorry hairdresser. There’s just no excuse. Sorry your mom went through this and hoping the hairdresser is replaced, clearly working in elder care isn’t right for her. I’d go for a pageboy kind of style, can be done at whatever length.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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surprise Sep 25, 2019
I like it!
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My mom has very little hair. It has been thin on top (can see her scalp) for decades and every night she would set it in rollers and had it in short layers done by a hair dresser. She lost interest in the rollers and her hair, so I let it grow and she likes it longer. We comb it straight back into a pony tail and she delights in the compliments. Easy peasy. If it becomes too long, I can easily trim it. If things are not too busy, some of the CNA staff here like to do French braids on the ladies who have longer hair. Mom is in a wonderful skilled nursing neighborhood within a community that has independent living, assisted living, short term rehab living, and skilled nursing.
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Reply to jjmummert
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I used to both cut and perm my MIL hair. Afterwards, she would put on an old, soiled man's cotton hat and pull it down over her ears. I finally reassessed the situation. Was I curling her hair for me or for her? Her hair was fine and I made the decision to cut it the same length around the back leaving the sides long enough to go behind her ears. No bangs. I would wash her hair, spray on a creme rinse, and apply a light amount of hair gel and comb everything straight back and let it air dry. I bought several, tiny floral cotton, similarly shaped ladies' bucket hats with small brims to replace the old man hat. At one point, someone tucked up the front brim and secured it with a bright, artificial flower. She looked so cute. Everyone would remark on her hat & flower and that made her day. I would replace her week old hat with the next freshly washed and starched hat with the flower pinned onto the same place.
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Reply to GAinPA
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surprise Oct 7, 2019
Great idea! That does sound so cute!!
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put a bow in it. or on it.. a head band with zebra stripes. a pretty pink cap. a wild looking wig. how about feathers on the side? It was the fashion for kids a few years ago...

colored tips. fake braid. go to a makeup discount store or .99 cent store and look at hairstyling products.. ribbons...
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Reply to MAYDAY
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surprise Sep 25, 2019
I like this! Perhaps a wig is the best answer anyway. :)
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The Bob, deep side part, no bangs, one clip on side (or could use side comb). Classic 1920's bob or go the longer shoulder length version. Very popular if straight hair. Saw a lovely lady today sporting this look, very advanced dementia. Looked plain but good. Not so good if she is temped to pull the clip out though.

Grace Kelly had that combed straight back, although wavey. Maybe?

Some people just really suit ponytails. Once the top grows you could do a mini top bun like a cool Japenese man-bun - it's very popular here ie also known as the *Scandi look*.
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Reply to Beatty
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surprise Sep 25, 2019
Great ideas here! Thanks!
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