What is a person to do?? I had to put my mother in a nursing home.


I had put my mother into a very nice nursing home. She is 84yrs old but got around faily good. She has dementia but early stage. She didn't want to live alone any longer and for one year keep saying she wanted to go into a nursing home. I have three brothers and a sister but for the last year it has been on me for her care and getting her into the nursing. And it has been pure hell for the last year.
When she got into the nursing home she seemed to be happy at first then she had to share her room and that is when the trouble started. She stopped eating, wouldn't get out of her bed and her health was going down. So I was going to try and let her stay with me but it is not working out. My mother has always been a very domineering woman. My brother told me to leave her in the nursing home but I didn't listen. Now she is being down right mean and trying to take over. Sometimes she acts like she hates me.
My room mate wants her out. She is spending the night with friends but I'm going to tell her tomorrow that she will need to go back to a nursing home. I hate to do this but I'm tired to my bones. My brothers and sister won't help with any of this so I'm on my on.

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Your brother was right, but you know that now. You can't stand up under this. Your mother's dementia will keep her complaining no matter what you do. If she was in a good home with good care, then please try to get her back there. Then, when she complains, tell her you won't take abuse and you'll be back to visit when she can treat you right. Don't get angry, just be firm. That can often work (the later stages can be different). At any stage of dementia (or without dementia), you need to take care of yourself. This is not working so you need to make a change. It's hard to do, but what you are going through is worse.

Making sure she has good care is important. Letting her run your life is not an option, however. If you need to get social services involved, do so.

Please don't feel guilt over anything. You have a good heart which is why you let her manipulate you in the first place. Now you will have to backtrack. Will your brother help?

Please take care of yourself,
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Thank you for the reply. I taked with my mother and told her she would need to go back into a nuring home. We decided to put her into a home closer to our home town. She's not happy but she knows that I won't back down.

However, I have another problem. My mother had a small saving in the bank. The nursing home recommended an attorney. This attorney was suppose to open an medicaid compliant annuity for my mother, he was given $11,500.00. This was close to two months ago and we haven't heard or received anything about the annuity. I keep calling the attorney about this matter but he won't return my calls. I had the pay the first nursing home out of pocket because my mother never got any checks from the annuity. When I get her into the new nursing home, medicaid is going to want proof of the annuity or she'll need to show where $11,500.00 of her money has gone. I don't know what to do about this attoreny.
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Medi-caid compliant annuity? I've never heard of that - does anyone know if that is legit? Isn't medicaid when you have spent down everything?

If you are not getting returned calls, I hope you have a copy of the check - a contract with the guy and make your next call to the local bar association asap.
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I had a cashier check, that I gave to the attorney, with the name of the company where the annuity was to be opened. I was able to locate the phone number of this company on the internet. The attorney did do the annuity; however, he didn't give the company an address where to send the check. The company did say a check would be cut the next day and sent.

But I must say, the attorney we hired is worthless. He still hasn't returned any calls. He was suppose to do a turst fund with money that my mother gifted to me, the gift was the attorney advice, but I'm not giving this man another penny of my mother money. I've put the money into a saving account in my brother and my name. This will be money for my mother future use.

I think my mother will be okay in the new nursing home. It's less then 15 minutes from my home and my daughter home. So my daughter and I will be checking on her each day. My daughter is a God send, if not for this wonderful and loving child, I wouldn't have been able to make it throught the last year.
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