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I have finally started telling my sister with Dementia that we are coming to get her as soon as my husband (who she always mentions!) gets the truck bed emptied. It makes her so happy and calms her down. I tell her that about every day over the phone since we can't visit. Her nurses says it really helps when she starts getting anxious. The dr increased her antidepressant two weeks ago and I can tell such a difference in her. She moves about with a walker and wheelchair. I told them I did not want her just lying in her bed
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Ann’s exactly right. I’d just like to add that if you are visiting every day for hours, you may want to step back a bit. When he sees you, it triggers these thoughts in his mind. You represent “home” to him. You are his “way out”. He needs some time to acclimate to his new reality. I know how hard this is.
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Although many newly placed residents do this, it does not necessarily mean to your husband what it means to you.
He misses you, of course, but if his memory loss was severe enough to warrant placement, he will probably not be thinking of his favorite chair or the view out the front window or his daily schedule and routine.
When you visit, tell him something open ended that can give him comfort.
“The doctor says it’s not a good time yet”.
”The paint fumes are pretty terrible, we’d better wait a while longer”.
”I’ll see what I can find out from the doctor”

Watch for signs that he’s adjusting to his new life. You made the decision for placement both of you needed him to be placed. Adjustment may take time, but along with it should come a sense of relaxing into the new life.

Keep in your mind that this is most probably much harder for you than it is for him.
Time heals, and he will heal. Let this time heal you, too.
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psuskind1 Apr 2020
Thank you for your advice
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