Had to block extended family, father with dementia causing trouble. Can anyone share their experience?

I'm in a similar situation. Had to recently place my 90 y.o. dad in nursing care after a bad fall and his Parkinson's progressing rapidly. He has no family left but me, my husband and child, and a few cousins. Two of these cousins are just horrible people - long history there, they both have severe personality disorders and are just negative, terrible people. But one was always very close to my dad for some reason, his sister my dad merely tolerates. They both are such busy bodies, and they themselves are in late 70s and late 80s, respectively. They have messaged me telling me what a horrible daughter I am, it's my fault he fell (even though he insisted on living alone after I beg him repeatedly to move to AL, and he only had p/t caregivers), that I don't visit him enough (when he was home I was there several times a week - I also have a job and young daughter), etc etc. All criticisms. When he fell, I was the bigger person and texted the female horrible cousin to tell her he was in hospital and she didn't even once ask how he was or what his prognosis was but proceeded to berate me and blame me and even threatened me. I blocked her everywhere, including his phone. The male cousin I found out, behind my back, hired a lawyer to meet with my dad alone at his house to get him to sign a reverese mortgage - I am POA and have been for 7.5 yrs, dad had cognitive decline now dementia - this was all done behind my back after I refused to share the trust with my cousin...I mean WTF? My lawyer said this could be considered elder abuse - luckily my dad did not sign anything and didn't understand it, because now we are selling his home to pay for nursing home care and if he had signed that we'd be screwed. Not once has either cousin offered to come help or asked me what they could do to help. They just want to cause drama and were trying to get my dad's house. It was NUTS. I don't care if he ever talks to them again and I am making it as hard as possible for them to. I will even get a lawyer involved if i need to. Relatives have a way of coming out of the woodwork when it comes to elderly relatives and think they know everything, but never offering real help. I am sorry you're dealing with this. Block them for your dad's safety and your sanity. Do not feel badly about it, you have your dad's best interests at heart, just like me. They are not in charge. I was very upset at first when they spoke to me so horribly but now I just let it roll off my shoulders because I know he is taken care of and I am doing the best I can with what little resources we have.

Yes, I’ve had similar experiences. Dad’s mistress was badmouthing my sister and me to mutual friends, saying she wasn’t allowed to see him. That wasn’t true. My mother, to whom he was married for 70 years, didn’t know about the mistress but was in assisted living, and though she could have helped care for dad, she didn’t. My aunt, dad’s sister, insisted that he didn’t have dementia and if we fed him mashed potatoes it would cure his cancer. Although she was perfectly able bodied, she wouldn’t help the caregivers and me take care of him. She often stopped by to stir up trouble. I had multiple medical things I was dealing with that got worse over the course of this. At the end, I wasn’t speaking to the mistress and stopped having any relationship with the aunt because she was saying his daughters must have stolen dad’s money and tried to steal other things plus forced him into hospice, all untrue, From what I can tell, many caregivers have such family problems, and their lives are never the same. Beware of caregiving! It’s nice to have this forum so we get support from somewhere.

The relative that KNOWS BETTER. My cousin is a bit off socially. She would call my father on occasion to talk and would often write him letters. He told me her phone calls were more like interrogations. One time to get off the phone with her, he just told her a little fib...he didn't feel well. That set things in motion. She blew up my home phone, Facebook, and email with concern over his dire situation. I called him and he told me what he did. She would post things about how my father was ill and I needed to call her immediately so WE could figure out what to do. I posted that I called him and he was fine. That wasn't good enough. I failed to see what help she could offer living on the other side of the country. She wanted to be INVOLVED. With everything else on my plate I did not need this added so I ignored her. She tracked down where I worked (Just got a new job) and left messages. That was it for me, I went nuclear. I cut her off of everything. And I let her know why. She went to all the other cousins to complain about she was just trying to help. I had too much to do without having to add coddle a 50 year old woman who thinks her opinion in this situation matters.

These extended family might as well have dementia themselves the way they’re talking to you, and you should give them about that much credence.

Has the cause of your seizures been diagnosed? Does stress bring them on?

You did what needed to be done. Your Dad has Dementia. His brain is dying. What he says should not be taken seriously. Too bad we have HIPPA because those relatives would get copies of Dads health records showing he has been diagnosed with a Dementia and he needs 24/7 care. If they didn't agree, they could bug the doctor.

No one knows, including me at one time, what goes into caring for someone 24/7. Someone who will not improve but worsen. And you have no idea how long it will last. I may have said "you are welcome to take him to ur house and care for him"

He is safe, fed and cared for. Your health is such that you cannot care for him any longer. Not an excuse, a fact. Sorry you had to block everyone but it really is none of their business. Since the siblings think u should be caring for him, lets see if their children step up to the plate when their health goes downhill.

Take care of yourself. Set those boundries.

People are quick to judge and the further they are from the core of the caregiving the easier it is for them to do so because they aren't invested and have nothing to lose.
You know you did the right thing. You did what needed to be done for your health and safety as well as your father's.
Therapy sounds like a good idea if for no other reason than to give you the opportunity to talk through and process all of your thoughts and feelings about your father. I think sometimes having to make choices like this are a dual edged sword. You know you made the right choice but that doesn't mean you don't still have doubts and feel guilt, and the anger mongering of your family does nothing to help with that regardless of that fact that it was the best decision. Even if they were supporting you, you would still have those feelings.
Life is perfectly imperfect. For every decision that we make there is always the other decisions that we didn't make that we wonder about the outcome and wonder if we made the wrong decision and question ourselves and seek validation. And our support system can make that better or worse in how they handle those decisions.
Your father is where he can best be taken care of AND also where you have the opportunity to best take care of yourself. If family didn't step up to offer to care for him perhaps they don't understand the extent of his needs. Or perhaps they do....and they themselves harbor some guilt of where he is now and are transferring it to you because they knew they weren't willing to take over for you and they know it's the only option but feel bad too...who knows why people do or say half of the things they do.

At the end of the day...you did what was right for you and for your father....if they wanted a different outcome they should have offered a different solution rather than you being the permanent caregiver.