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I ask my mother if she wanted to come shopping with me and my Step-Dad like usual she said she wanted to take a nap and said you go with him so I said maybe we will go for a coffee to my Step-Dad. She all of a sudden said I need you here?, I thought to myself but sometimes I help my Step-Dad because he forgets and brings the wrong stuff back and she makes him go back to the store etc.... It was never an issue before. Later that day while I was giving her a shower she said are you flirting with my husband? I said no Mom I would never do that first of all he is not my type and I have been in a relationship over twenty years and love my partner very much. It would be morally wrong period. I was really taken aback and hurt, and worried like what will she say next?

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As gladimhere said, this is common with dementia. That doesn't make it easy and certainly it hurts when your mom accuses you of flirting with her husband. About all that you can do is tell her how much he loves her and let her know that you are happy with your own life.

Gladimhere had a good suggestion about encouraging their closeness, too.

Please keep watching for updates. Many people in this community have had such issues. You're sure to find more reassurance and maybe more tips, as well.
Take care,
Carol
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This is quite common in those with dementia. My Mom sometimes thinks I am trying to take her husband away from her. And we use agency caregivers once a week. Mom gets very suspicious of them sometimes. She does not understand who they are or why they are there, and thinks that they are girlfriends of her husband, he too is my stepdad though I have a hard time thinking of him that way. You see they are in their late 80's and have only been married eight years. My Mom does not remember my Dad at all, he died in his early 40's.

Do you help stepdad shower as well? I only helped mine once when Mom was at home. This nearly sent Mom over the edge.

So, yes there will be times when those with dementia think that caregivers, whether family or not, will have these sorts of delusions. The only way that I have found to deal with is to assure her that he loves her very much and would notmdo anything to hurt her. It also helps if I have them sit together in the love seat and remove myself from the situation to do something in the kitchen. I do stay within earshot just in case this escalates into agitation which could become dangerous.
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My mother with dementia and living in a nursing home, insisted that my father was cheating on her with other residents. It was a phase and after a few months ended on it's own. Then she started trying to fix me up with staff or other family members at the NH. I handled that with humor which seemed to work well. Try not to take it too seriously, don't try rational conversation, might not work but worth a try. Best wishes.
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I think the replies are spot-on, very good advice. I have a similar situation, but it is along the same lines as your original question. My 90 yr old ALZ/Dementia father is very jealous of anyone else who pays attention to me. I am his 60 yr old daughter who has taken care of him for over 20 years. It got to the point where he was so jealous of me and my time that my own husband was no longer allowed to come to his house to visit me (I lived with him full time to care for him). I was not allowed to talk on the phone with others because I was spending my attention on others. I had become, quite literally and figuratively, his slave wife (like my mother had been). During visits to the nursing home to see him, if I start a conversation with someone, he rudely and loudly screams for me to "get back here NOW", then he is fine. Part of his behavior is due to his dependence on me, I understand that. He may be worried that I am pulling away and will no longer take care of him. Part is his true pre-Alzheimer's nature, now escalated by his disease. But do what you can, when you can, and let the rest just go (as well as you can). Don't be afraid to approach your parent's doctor for an Rx to help ease their anxiety.
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Wow! First time I've heard of this. How could you even be attracted to the old person? But I guess this is what dementia does to the elderly.
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My sister was accused of having an affair with my mother's husband (our step father). She was so convincing and almost had me believing her. My sister and my step dad worked together, and mom has a history of jealousy, insecurity, and to really throw us off... displays of grandiose and narcissistic behaviours. We have had her assessed at the hospital and doc doesnt see her with demensia. The husband has since died, but now we are blamed for stealing from her, she has changed her locks, and called the police...
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Llamalover47, a narcissist believes, of course, anyone would be attracted to him or her, how could they not? My father was like this thru his entire life. Any woman who paid him any attention, of course, wanted him. It's just gotten worse with his Dementia and ALZ. A lady compliments his shirt and he talks about it for hours, how she was just eye-balling him up and down. I grew up seeing and hearing about every conquest (yes, he openly shared all of his conquest stories, gag). Someone tries to be kind by patting his hand and he, of course, thinks she is making a pass. That is his narcissistic nature.
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A number of years ago, my grandmother, who had dementia, lived with my mom and stepdad. Grandma was convinced my stepdad was her husband. My mom handled it with grace and humor, recognizing my grandma was not in her right mind anymore. It's pointless to argue or try to convince them otherwise.
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Just keep telling her like you just did. She is just having trouble with remembering. My mother-in-law did that with me. Her son's name is the same as his dad. I told her that I had been talking of her son. That seemed to make it ok.
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This behavior is common in those with dementia. Don't argue, just reassure her that you are not interested in flirting with your ''dad''. Contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association, they will be able to give you info on behavioral interventions.
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