My mom is 83 years old and keeps 2 loaded hand guns in the house "for protection."How do I deal with this? How can I get them from her? She keeps them hidden away and seems paranoid in general, but she's always been this way. Help!
Terrim: My parents always had guns around the house and when dad passed away, we had no problem with mother having a pistol nearby. But when dementia set in and she was having paranoid anger issues about non existant problems, that was the time to change our ideas of when to remove the gun. She imagined her eldest son was trying to kill her and every person coming to the door was a threat. . .all we needed was for her to start firing off that gun. You should NEVER leave a gun with a person that has dementia issues. The guardian may end up being the responsible person in that case. I'm not anti gun, I'm for keeping our loved ones safe en every possible way.
Everyone has the right to drive a vehicle, but there comes a time when that right needs to be forfeited for the individual's and public's safety. This is not a gun owner rights issue. You are concerned for her safety and the safety of others who visit her home. Please consider her needs before her rights. The little 5 year old that shot his 2 year old sister with his own .22 certainly had the right to own a firearm. Could he operate a gun safely? NO!! Don't wait for a tragedy like this to happen to your family. You will suffer the guilt of having done nothing to preserve everyone's safety.
My 78 year old husband with Lewy Body Dementia is the same way. Will NOT give up his guns. I am trying to find a way to get them out of the house so I can have them disabled or something. I wish I had a friend who could help me, but I don't. No one wants to get involved; no family around. Just me...fighting all the battles alone. Meds have been prescribed to reduce hallucinations/paranoia so hopefully he won't shoot me by mistake. I believe in the right to bear arms, believe me, but ONLY in the hands of sane, fully-cognitive people. There are many elderly people who are "saner" than the younger ones who have guns, but still there comes a time when we need to protect them as well as ourselves. And yes, it is true, that if my husband does something stupid, I will be held accountable because I KNEW he had dementia. Same with driving...The doctors, case manager and I have all tried to explain to my husband the problems that could arise with his having guns and driving. He does not agree, gets argumentative and says we're just trying to make him out to be nuts. Everything I try to say is an "exaggeration" and that I think I'm "perfect". He has no powers of reasoning, no sound judgment, no clue about what is really happening, but there is no way to prove this to him, convince him or otherwise make him believe this is for EVERYONE's safety. It's a no-win situation. Short of having the police come in and take his weapons and have the DMV tell him he can't drive anymore, I am lost.
Guns scare a lot of people, and a lot of people grew up with them and do not understand what the problem is.
Blanks are not the answer as they still hold a charge and have a wad that if the shot is close enough can enter the skin and hurt and even kill someone. It has happened.
So what to do? Being paranoid does not always mean there is not an invisible demon out to eat your face - John Butcher Author of the Dresden Files. It means that older people can often be a fearful of the dark and uncertainty of this time in their life. If she has always kept guns and is not losing her memory, then let her keep them, however if she is having memory problems then they have to go in exchange for another security device like an alarm system or a German Shepard, Akita, Doberman or another type of dog that is a big lovable watch dog or a small lovable alarm dog. I have had both, they had served me well over the years. I know that my big dog kept my house free of anyone thinking of trying to break in. My little dogs always tell me when someone is outside. They all have given me piece of mind when I was in bed not able to move due to some surgery.
My mom and dad and my grandparents always had loaded guns in the house. I always have loaded guns in the house and keep them locked up but where I could get them at a moment's notice. I don't see the problem. If she is following the law by having the guns registered, it isn't for anyone to steal her bullets or call police. She has the constitutional right to bear arms. As for being paranoid, the way the world is today, it isn't being paranoid, it is being prepared.
My MIL is 85 and instead of "taking away" her guns... we loaded them with "Blanks" a few years ago. If the gun were to be fired, it sounds just like a gun but, there are not bullets coming out of the chamber. That way no one gets hurt and she still keeps her dignity and feels protected. All you have to do is tell her that you need to borrow the guns to be cleaned. The guns should be cleaned and oiled every 3-6 months anyway, to keep them in good working order. Once you have the weapon/s take them to a gun shop and ask them to load them with blanks. She wont know the difference. Good Luck!!
My mom had my dads gun claiming for protection. We had tried to take custody of it many times and she refused. She accused us many times of stealing it when she had misplaced (constantly trying to hide it). We had same fears that she would mistake someone for a stranger or shoot police, so we finally just took it once when she was away from the home. It is for everyone's safety. It's been a couple months and I'm waiting for her to accuse me of the gun theft again, I might just own up to it! She's 90.
You're probably thinking that, since the primary condition is depression, she might use them on herself. .... I wouldn't, however, say this out loud. The last thing you want to do is put ideas in her head.
See what you can do to alleviate her depression in a natural way, paying particular attention to comments that can be construed as suicidal. If she does utter some, use persuasion to find out if she has a plan of some sort. That being the case, contact law enforcement.
In the meantime, and now that the weather has warmed up a bit, step up family activities. Keep her busy; see if you can get a couple of hearty laughs out of her. The she has a right to own a gun; and she also has a right to pursue happiness. Make sure she does.
My husband is 87 with alzheimers. We live in the country and have always had guns for protection. Sometimes he doesn't know where he is and occasionally doesn't recognize me. I am afraid that at one of those times he might shoot me thinking I'm a burglar, or shoot someone else in the house. I haven't seen an attorney but have been told that if he shoots someone, I am the one without the alzheimers, so I would be legally responsible. And morally, of course. I got rid of the serious gun and have hidden my small revolver where he can't find it. I have enough problems without gun problems and won't take a chance.
I agree with those saying she should not have access to guns at 83. The danger she poses to herself and others outweighs the danger from criminals. They would take the gun away from her and use it on her.
Are there grandchildren that might find them? You might make that the safety issue for her and suggest she lock them away in a cabinet. Then maybe you can hide or take the key.
If she has any mental capacity issues, you can't take the risks of your mom having loaded guns. If you have knowledge that she has cognitive impairment issues and she shoots someone, there is a potential for a law suit. Ask her doctor to a mental evaluation. I like what Carol Bursack said, call law enforcement for advice. You say she's paranoid and has been all of her life, but you don't say if this is a mental illness issue. Has her home been burglarized? Has she been a victim of a crime in the past? Has someone threatened her? Is there crime in her neighborhood? Until her competency status is reviewed by a physician and psychologist, I would disable the guns. If there are grandchildren coming into her home, that's another concern. Does she have licenses for both guns?
Has your Mom been diagnosed with any type of dementia? If that's the case, I would suggest removing the guns at some point when she's not around, unloading them, and locking them in a small safe or lock box. This way they can be left at her home and if she asks about them, you can tell her they've been locked up for safekeeping. You can even give her a key and tell her its for the box (even though its not). This might make her feel she's still in charge. If she does not have dementia then I'm not sure I would worry about it too much. Most people are paranoid in way one or another. If she's made it to 83 years of age with her guns she'll probably be OK.
When I visited my relatives in Sweden, they asked me, " Do you have a gun?" " We heard that Americans have guns in their homes." I had to explain ( in English), that "no", ' I do not have a gun, but many American do for various reasons.". As you know they think that we are really wierd about this. Take the gun away or take away the ammo, and let it go at that.
My father had Lewy Body Dementia ,and he had paranoia severly. He would pack a 9 mil hand gun. What we done was have a man take out the FIRING PIN . He refused to give the guns up so that was our only choice. He never knew it either. We then felt somewhat relieved.,while he felt secure. You may want to look into doing that .Hope this helps.
if the cops see him armed they will shoot him no questions asked cops are trained to kill and trained to shoot on sight if someone's armed if they see him armed and they don't know that he has Lewy Body Dementia do you think that will end well think about it
I was wondering...Is there something in particular that she's afraid of? Things she's seen on the news? Is she obsessive about other things? Or is she just afraid to be alone? When my Dad moved in with me, I sent his gun collection to my brother in law and nephews. They hunt and have locked gun safes. I, on the other hand, have a curious ADHD son, and a parade of strange caregivers that come to the house to take care of Dad. Access to firearms is not in their job description. Dad is very resentful, but its my house. My rules. Your momma's guns have to go away. If she pointed a gun at anyone, she could be arrested. If she pointed a gun at a cop, the officer could shoot her. I agree with Ms Bursack that involving local law enforcement is in order. Maybe a visit from a nice friendly neighborhood cop will help her make sensible decisions. At the very least, the police need a record that there might be a potential issue here.
Do not give her a denuded gun. As someone mentioned, it can get her shot by police. Either take the gun away (assuming incompetence) or take her to the shooting range to make sure she knows how to shoot and can still handle the gun correctly. And take your own gun to the shooting range too. I love susanelease1's attitude. A gun needs to be used and shot by the owner once a year to insure comfort with use of it.
You didn't say valleylynn if you and your mom share a home or whether she lives on her own (do you fear that she could accidently shoot you?)...I agree that your mom's competency is the key here as to whether or not she keeps the guns...perhaps she would be willing to give up one of them for now...the wasp spray is a good idea for a replacement....good luck...hugs.
. . .And is she driving? The variation in mental and physical health after 50 is astounding.
Call her doctor and see if you can go with her to an appointment. Have him evaluate her or send her to be evaluated. Call the DHS people if you think you need immediate help.
If she thinks she needs protection, maybe a Medical Alert sytem would be a good idea.
Well, if she is of sound mind, I guess she has a right to have a gun. :o( Just make sure you announce yourself when you enter her house. It would be terrible if she mistook you for an intruder. In fact, if you suspect she is showing ANY signs of dementia at all, I would even CALL first before entering!
The guns are just a tragedy waiting to happen. I don't know her financial situation, but if possible I would have her invest in some type of alarm. If she needs protection, she would just push a button she wears around her neck. This way family, law enforcement, etc. would be there. Again just a suggestion. Good Luck. HUGS to all of you.
My late dad always had licensed guns in the house; he kept a loaded shotgun under the bed and a loaded pistol in the night stand until he died. He suffered a long, difficult illness before his death. He would periodically declare that he wanted to kill himself by jumping off the Coronado Bridge in San Diego. My brother and I worried that he would use the pistol on himself one day. Not that we would have really blamed him, but we feared the trauma to his very attentive and loving wife. So one day, when we were visiting, we arranged for his wife to take him out of the house and my brother unloaded the gun. By this time he was getting very foggy, so we didn't think he'd be actually checking or cleaning his firearms. Fortunately he passed on in his sleep soon thereafter. I agree with the gentleman above that to disable the weapon is the best course. That way a confrontation is avoided. Good luck and God bless.
My 86 year old mom has a gun. She would take it out of closet every night and load it and unload in the am and put away. One night she shot her bed she said she was trying to see if she could pull the trigger. Makes for a good story as the bed survived. She recently broke her ankle and is not able to get to the gun. She asked for it but I told her no. She now tells everyone I won't let her have the gun and actually seems ok with it or has at least accepted it for now. Sadly I think soon she won't remember she ever had a gun.
Assuming she is not competent, you can hide the guns. We hid mom's in her attic. She had not been declared competent, at that time, so we didn't want to take them out of the house. She was not physically able to get up the folding attic stairs.
I think she is smart. You have not mentioned any mental or physical frailties. If that is the case, then she has the right to defend herself against violent criminals. Guns are only evil if misused, and the elderly are more vulnerable than others. Her ability to aim is irrelevant - most gun uses are extreme close range - within 10 feet, so her aim is not going to be a factor - even the blind keep and carry guns for protection! Again, so long as she is mentally and physically competent, it is her right, and I say, go mom!
If she has not got the mental capacity (and paranoia is not a disqualifier) then you will need to take steps to have the firearms removed. If you do so, be sure to give her another means of self defense! I recommend the wasp spray that shoots a stream up to 20 feet. This is an excellent non lethal self defense tool for any age.
Blanks are not the answer as they still hold a charge and have a wad that if the shot is close enough can enter the skin and hurt and even kill someone. It has happened.
So what to do? Being paranoid does not always mean there is not an invisible demon out to eat your face - John Butcher Author of the Dresden Files. It means that older people can often be a fearful of the dark and uncertainty of this time in their life. If she has always kept guns and is not losing her memory, then let her keep them, however if she is having memory problems then they have to go in exchange for another security device like an alarm system or a German Shepard, Akita, Doberman or another type of dog that is a big lovable watch dog or a small lovable alarm dog. I have had both, they had served me well over the years. I know that my big dog kept my house free of anyone thinking of trying to break in. My little dogs always tell me when someone is outside. They all have given me piece of mind when I was in bed not able to move due to some surgery.
If the link doesn't show up, Google Patricia Konie to find out about this incident.
All you have to do is tell her that you need to borrow the guns to be cleaned. The guns should be cleaned and oiled every 3-6 months anyway, to keep them in good working order. Once you have the weapon/s take them to a gun shop and ask them to load them with blanks. She wont know the difference.
Good Luck!!
See what you can do to alleviate her depression in a natural way, paying particular attention to comments that can be construed as suicidal. If she does utter some, use persuasion to find out if she has a plan of some sort. That being the case, contact law enforcement.
In the meantime, and now that the weather has warmed up a bit, step up family activities. Keep her busy; see if you can get a couple of hearty laughs out of her. The she has a right to own a gun; and she also has a right to pursue happiness. Make sure she does.
garza
Are there grandchildren that might find them? You might make that the safety issue for her and suggest she lock them away in a cabinet. Then maybe you can hide or take the key.
You say she's paranoid and has been all of her life, but you don't say if this is a mental illness issue.
Has her home been burglarized? Has she been a victim of a crime in the past? Has someone threatened her? Is there crime in her neighborhood?
Until her competency status is reviewed by a physician and psychologist, I would disable the guns.
If there are grandchildren coming into her home, that's another concern.
Does she have licenses for both guns?
Take the gun away or take away the ammo, and let it go at that.
When my Dad moved in with me, I sent his gun collection to my brother in law and nephews. They hunt and have locked gun safes.
I, on the other hand, have a curious ADHD son, and a parade of strange caregivers that come to the house to take care of Dad. Access to firearms is not in their job description.
Dad is very resentful, but its my house. My rules.
Your momma's guns have to go away. If she pointed a gun at anyone, she could be arrested. If she pointed a gun at a cop, the officer could shoot her.
I agree with Ms Bursack that involving local law enforcement is in order. Maybe a visit from a nice friendly neighborhood cop will help her make sensible decisions. At the very least, the police need a record that there might be a potential issue here.
Call her doctor and see if you can go with her to an appointment. Have him evaluate her or send her to be evaluated. Call the DHS people if you think you need immediate help.
If she thinks she needs protection, maybe a Medical Alert sytem would be a good idea.
Just make sure you announce yourself when you enter her house. It would be terrible if she mistook you for an intruder. In fact, if you suspect she is showing ANY signs of dementia at all, I would even CALL first before entering!
Guns are only evil if misused, and the elderly are more vulnerable than others.
Her ability to aim is irrelevant - most gun uses are extreme close range - within 10 feet, so her aim is not going to be a factor - even the blind keep and carry guns for protection!
Again, so long as she is mentally and physically competent, it is her right, and I say, go mom!
If she has not got the mental capacity (and paranoia is not a disqualifier) then you will need to take steps to have the firearms removed. If you do so, be sure to give her another means of self defense! I recommend the wasp spray that shoots a stream up to 20 feet. This is an excellent non lethal self defense tool for any age.