Guns and dementia patients: Any advice?

Most places also have a surrender day in police systems where you can get like 200 bucks for it and they destroy them (or take them probably, but whatever)

Can you just get him a toy gun for kids and take the gun to a pawn shop with a license for it to get rid of it? We don't need to fight the British and dementia patients can't drive cars, let alone own a firearm. If I was at my wits end I would be tempted to just throw it down the sewer and let an alligator eat it. I hate guns though, I live in the murder capital of the United States and wide access post-pandemic isn't doing anything except exasperating the black market with theft and resales. I prefer a baseball bat or taser if you need home protection. But I do think a fake gun is probably the least of a headache. If he thinks it looks different tell him you polished it. Also he was abusive with threats once, the worse the dementia, you don't know if it escalates, idk.

Sounds like it’s good cops took those guns.

If you have access to a firearm and are thinking about giving it BACK to your husband who's got DEMENTIA b/c he's 'crying' and causing you grief, even AFTER said gun has been taken away by police, which is what it sounds like you're saying, think again. Imagine your 'grief' if he were to shoot himself, the neighbors, or children with that firearm b/c he has DEMENTIA and doesn't know what he's doing! There should be absolutely NO QUESTION in your mind at all that he has no business having a gun. Get rid of it, sell it, dispose of it, whatever, as long as you do not give it back to your husband with dementia no matter HOW much he pleads or cries.

It's time to think about placing him in a Memory Care AL now, for both of your sakes. If you are losing your sanity over this one incident, you have a very long road ahead of you with his dementia journey and need to think about placement. In the meantime, the doctor needs to medicate him for 'crying for hours on end' which is a sign of depression and agitation, for which there ARE meds available.

Good luck.

Get the guns and ammo OUT of the house!

My grandfather had dementia and some pistols and at least one shotgun. He began having hallucinations that people were looking in the windows (also had macular degeneration). We took all of the guns and all bullets.

We debated just unloading everything and leaving the guns there. But we could imagine him out on his lawn waving a gun around… and cops aren’t going know it’s unloaded. He was mad about it, but we had to just let him be mad. Better he be alive and angry than dead because a cop had no choice but to fire.

When my StepFIL with Parkinsons (and also Lewy Body dementia) was threatening to shoot us, social services had us remove his rifle (and there was also a handgun but we never found it). Physically, not sure if he could have actually done it, but who wants to find out the hard way? Social services would not enter the home until it was secured.

In the past few years in my state there's been several murders where the shooter was a very elder person (80+ and always a man in these cases) and in most instances the victims were family members who resided with the shooter. In one case a very senior man entered a rural hospital and shot a doctor out of paranoia. It was never reported that these shooters were mentally ill or had any other motives, so I summize they very likely had dementia or the depression that can come with it. Please don't return the gun to him, even without ammo. Ask your local police what you should do with it.

Then, as others have suggested, please try to get him treated for his obsessing and agitation. Call this same doctor and tell him what's going on with your husband's behavior -- that removing the gun has ramped up his obsessing on it. Keep after the doctor to help.

I'm hoping you are your husband's DPoA? If not, the window for having him create the paperwork may be closing. After that, you'll have no power unless you pursue guardianship through the courts, or allow the county to acquire guardianship (but that typically takes a very long time).

In the meantime, you don't have to engage in any discussion with him that revolves around the gun -- redirect the conversation, ignore it or walk away from him. Or, try calmly telling him, "For MY safety the doctor AND police said you can't have it back. The police have it and won't return it." Even if this isn't completely true, this is called a "therapeutic fib". Or tell him whatever you think might curb him that he can't argue a workaround.

I'm so sorry you are having to endure this. Please act to find additional help so that you can get some relief -- even if it's a hired male companion to take him out of the house and do things with him. It is a phase that will eventually pass -- just that no one knows when...

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this . No he can’t have his gun back !!!!! It sounds like you are exhausted and beyond stressed to even consider giving a gun to someone w memory issues! Start seeking help to care for him or a memory care unit . It’s not giving up on him . This is a progressive disease , the sooner the staff gets to know him and you get help w his care the better !

The police took the gun? I doubt if they would give it back if the doctor put in a request to have it confiscated.

Or are you threatening with the police. Me...I would take the gun to a police station. I would have a police officer come to the house and ask to have it handed over. Then tell DH that it will be melted down. No one suffering from Dementia should have a gun.

Do not give the gun back under any circumstances! Guns and dementia do not mix. Is his dementia well documented? If not- go straight to the doctor and have him evaluated. You need a plan beyond just the gun issue. You need a plan for his dementia!!! Sadly, dementia only gets worse. Even if he calms down about the gun issue there will be many other emotional issues (taking away car keys is another big one) and it sounds like your husband has become unsafe- to you, to others, and to himself. I wonder if it is safe to leave him alone. My dad with dementia became extremely angry and hid most of his guns when we began to discuss securing his guns. I would lie awake in bed worrying about how I would remove the firearms from his home and survive his anger. In the end, the best advice I got related to my dad and his dementia was to TAKE HIM TO THE E.R. (or call 911). I would never fake an emergency, but shortly after I received this advice, my dad was very agitated and confused and was imagining intruders in his home. It was the social worker in the E.R. who said he shouldn't have access to firearms and that he needed to be in memory care. Yes, he was extremely angry at first, but I felt he was safe for the first time in about 2 years. A few days after he went to memory care I got a call from the home-care companion agency who sent visitors to my dad for a few hours every day. The agency owner said my dad had recently jokingly pointed a shotgun at one of the caregivers. Apparently the lower level manager who was notified of the incident never informed me. I have the impression that manager no longer works for this agency. Please take care of yourself, please reach out to your husband's doctor and perhaps to your local Alzheimer's Agency. Please call 911 if there is any hint of danger.

Contact his doctor's office and get him an appointment, and let them know in advance of the reason for the appointment. Then take your husband for a 'check up' and MD can see how he acts when MD asks him how he feels about having lost his gun. Hopefully MD will see what you are up against.
Your husband likely needs a locked geriatric psychiatry unit for a week or two, to get him onto some medications that can help his brain let go of this angry obsession.
You may end up having to call 911 at the height of an argument, if he threatens you again. Having a note in medical record can help substantiate the need. Along with past history.
OR call APS and self report verbal abuse following the takeaway of gun for past threats. Sometimes they can get a person into a psych setting sooner.
For yourself, try earplugs. Or go in a room where you can lock the door behind you. Call your own health care provider and get an appointment, to explain what is happening. Your health is affected by this, too.
If you leave him and go elsewhere, please let the police know he is all by himself. Anonymously, of course.
I am sorry that you have this much suffering in your life right now. Even though his age seems relatively young, he may be too ill to live in the community any longer.

Why does he need a gun? Where I am in OZ, you need a convincing reason (for us, shooting injured stock on our farm). Very few people have guns. ‘Self esteem” is not a good reason for a gun. If he can’t do better than that, he’s either nuts or stupid.

My advice would be to prompt a serious fight about it, and tell him you’re considering leaving, or buy good ear plugs and just stop hearing it!

Are you saying the gun HAS been taken away? If so, keep it away, and do not let it back in the house under any circumstances. You obviously know he's not stable enough to have a gun, so just don't even think about letting him have it back.

If he's causing you so much agony, then consider having him taken to the ER and refusing to take him back. They'll have to find a placement for him where he'll be cared for and will be under lock and key.

If you won't do that, then you need to leave for your own safety. Who's to say whether tomorrow he doesn't threaten you with a kitchen knife??