My mom incurred an accident last May in which she had tripped and fallen. And then in July she had a very mild stroke. Thank God she is still able to independently care for herself, bathe herself, dress herself, prepare meals (though not very well but edible), pay her bills, and take her medication. She needs help with setting some things up like medication boxes, etc. And she cannot get to the doctor independently so she has a caregiver two hours per week, and my sister visits her daily, and takes her food shopping. Both my sister and I are in our mid-sixties and have chronic health conditions ourselves. I cannot drive anymore due to diabetes and insulin reactions and my sister often has difficulty driving because of medication reactions from chemo. I have to take a train there when I go and often will stay about ten days out of every month 24/7.
My sister visits daily for a few hrs. Lately there has been a strain between the two of us which makes things more stressful.
My mother will tell me whenever she does not feel well or needs OTC types of things, but not my sister because she doesn't want to burden her because she has cancer. The result is that my sister will take time to set up things like PT and when the time comes to go my mom will tell me she is not feeling well and I will cancel the appointment which makes my sister furious because she feels that I am undermining her. When my sister calls to find out how my mother is my mother will say,"Oh I'm OK now" completely minimizing everything and making it seem like I'm and undermining alarmist. This not only makes my sister crazy( who flies off the handle at me) but also makes me crazy, so after my three week stint in Nov. and Dec. I've not been back, my stress levels can't take it. My sister has POA, and I wish I could take my mom to live with me; however, I have stairs and she can't climb stairs.It's just not feasible at this point, though I tried to advocate for it years ago and offered to make structural changes to the house.
I just feel like my sister and I have not made a well coordinated plan to care for my mother's care, and now it's just not working. She is Extremely resistant to assisted living or increased services from caregivers because she is nearly deaf, and most people have difficulty communicating with her ; it's even difficult for us family members, and we're used to communicating with her. Her mother had the same condition, only worse. I know I am rambling but at this point I am at 6's and 7's with all of this and just don't know what to do.