I have taken care of my mother and father for the past 20 years. My father died in 1999, but I saw him waste away in a nursing home for 6 years. Now my mother has been in the nursing home for the past 2 years and there have been some minor issues with the nursing home, but we, too, have worked through those. My brother lives about 900 miles away and called me the other day and wants to move mom to a nursing home by him (his wife is a VP/CFO of some nursing homes). The home we are transporting my mother too is absolutely beautiful; no comparison to where she is at now. They have a full-time chaplain, fulltime music director, 6 beauticians...it is like nothing I have ever seen. I am so thankful that she wants to move her there and she will be going in about a week; however, I can't get over the feeling of loneliness over this decision as I feel like a piece of my heart is being taken away. I guess I kind of feel guilty and don't want her to think that I am just trying to get out of the race early, but she has said that she is ready to go there. Her and I have been very close and so I am a mixed bag of emotions. Just wandering who else might have gone through this and how they dealt with the emotions of it all.
Try to let it go. She is going to be in a lovely place. I understand. Mom is in respite while I decide if I need to leave her there. The nurses love her. She is cared for so well, but the guilt is eating me. The lack of stress I'm dealing with now is helping the guilt. Guilt. I hate it.
I think that the ambivalent feelings of separation you are feeling are perfectly normal. Mixed emotions are to be expected. I wonder, though, why there would be any guilt in there. You have done your best for Mom and letting her go to the splendid place near your brother is also best for her. A little sad for you, for sure, but nothing to feel guilty about. Continue to stay in touch with her by phone and cards and notes.