Has anyone had a similar experience with guilt over their spouse's death while taking care of a parent? - AgingCare.com

Has anyone had a similar experience with guilt over their spouse's death while taking care of a parent?

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I have written quite a few times before and have received many thoughtful, warm and knowledgeable replies - I thank all of you. Right now I am dealing with a great deal of guilt over the sudden death of my husband who passed away from a massive heart attack leading to cardiac arrest due to coronary artery disease. My 94 year old mother who lives with us and has been for a very long time has dementia, which put emotional stress on both of us. Right before he passed, we were looking into a facility for her. I finally made up my mind to do this as it was a hard decision to make as I am an only child and she clings to me. I feel this stress contributed to my husband's death. I can't seem to get this out of my mind. I miss him so much; he was only 73 years old. He did have other issues as well; peripheal artery disease, which stents were put in 13 years ago. He had two tia's which resulted in the loss of vision in one eye and a 100% occluded left carotid artery in 1998. He also had a silent heart attack at that time. He was supposed to have bypass surgery then, but because of his closed carotid artery he was afraid of a stroke during the operation. He opted for chelation therapy for a few years. If anyone has had a similar experience with guilt over their spouse's death while taking care of a parent, I would appreciate hearing from you. Thank you.

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I am very sorry to hear about your husband and the guilt you are feeling. The fact is you were trying to do the best you could for everyone. Maybe your mom should have been living elsewhere but you really don't have any way of knowing if that would have made a difference in your husband's life span.
You did what you thought was best at the time. Give yourself credit for that and trying to be a good wife and daughter.
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