I've asked questions multiple times in and around this situation so my apologies for apparent overlap.
My mom has expressed how miserable she is in her AL facility. She has been there almost a month. Now, unfortunately the FIRST week there the facility went on quarantine/lock down due to a stomach bug. Lovely. Then, I was VERY sick for 2 weeks and only saw her 2 times during those two weeks. Then, apparently she expressed she was going to "fly the coop" and was wandering down in the lobby with her purse and keys, so they put one of those devices on her ankle to ensure they could track her. I told them I thought this was a horrible idea as she was a scaredy cat, and would NEVER bolt, but they felt they had to do it. I gave in (like I said, I was so sick...didn't put up a fight). Needless to say this REALLY depressed her. They took the device off which I'm so glad about. But she continues to say how this is an "old persons' dormitory".
When I ask if anyone is unkind she says absolutely not and that everyone is VERY good to her. I even met a couple of her friends who seem about her age and one is in fact younger. The problem is, the ones in the wheelchairs and walkers seem to outnumber them so I guess to mom this sees unacceptable.
Part of this is that she is going on the anniversary of my father's death (suicide) and she will NEVER be happy again.
Her memory is very scattered still. So like on one hand she "looks" good, but on the other she's miserable and has some very real memory lapses all the time. This is part of the reason she's there. Either didn't take her meds or took them twice. Caught her robe on fire making bacon at 3 am. Recent hospital stay with BP of 241/108...possible mini strokes, etc. etc. She was in an apt by herself as I wasn't ready to move her in with us full time.
Well, as I said I feel horrible. To look at her she does look healthy and younger. I told her maybe she can come back and live with us in a few months and she said this "lightened her heart" and she keeps bringing this up.
Oops, I probably shouldn't have said it as now I know she'll not let it go. It was just my knee jerk reaction to hating how miserable she was.
When I asked her if she shared any of her misery with her new friends she said no....that this was between her, God...and me (her daughter). That she knows she is making me miserable but can't seem to help herself.
I don't know what I'm asking except maybe guidance. I worry as a Christian that I'm not "honoring" my mother. Technically...YES. She can move in here. Would be on second floor and she'd share a bathroom with my daughter. Was thinking I'd fix up a loft area with her Kcup machine, a mini fridge and her TV so she could have her own space so to speak.
She WILL drive me batty. She has said for YEARS that she only wants to be beside me. With me. Still says it. In the morning when she was staying here she is RIGHT next to me for morning coffee. I have no space. I told her if she did move in that we'd have to talk about boundaries (like not coming in me and my husband's room unannounced). She said she'd be a "good girl".
I'm so torn. I'm a nurse, in NP school and in the middle of raising my 13 year old kiddo. It will be so very hard. But I know this life isn't promised to be easy. We are all responsible for each other on this earth. I wonder what my dad would have done. I wrote a paper a couple of years ago on filial responsibility...I always struggle with what this "looks" like.
Thank you to whoever made it to the end of this rambling. Just looking for some thoughts.