Guardianship when siblings don't agree. What happens?

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A few of the siblings are not in agreement w/ my mother's DPOA (it was a riot when they found out about it a few months ago after my mother's TBI) and previously threatened to take me to court (many ugly allegations/threats all when I was 5 months pregnant at the time). Needless to say, it has not been used in any capacity, so there was nothing to contest. We recently were in the process of arranging co-guardianship for both parents, me & my sister, all parties agreed after a long discussion, but then one big-time bully who lives out of state is contesting this. So since he threw a wrench in things, our plans did not move forward and the only people suffering are my parents. Plans need to move forward: placing my father, selling the house, making pre-arrangements. I asked my one brother that I trust to step in and do the co-guardianship with my sister but of course a different sibling is not in agreement with that either. My sister wants to do it solo but I don't trust her since she goes with whatever the bully says (right or wrong). She's the oldest and feels that she's entitled to it. The good brother told everyone that if we can't agree, that he'll go to the courthouse and most likely an independent person steps in?? He doesn't want to do that but it's the only way for things to move forward for the sake of both parents. We don't want a stranger in charge BUT as crazy as it sounds, I may trust a stranger more than the 2 siblings I mentioned earlier. If we agree to just my sister doing it, it saves lots of drama BUT I know wholeheartedly that it's the wrong decision. In the end, we don't agree on multiple issues and she has such animosity towards us that I can't see it working at all unless it's her way only. In NJ, how does this work?? Would other people be interviewed besides us (siblings) to determine who would be the appropriate guardian?? like close family friends? Many people know how much certain siblings have done to help and how others have done nothing except add more drama to a horrible situation. When siblings cannot agree, does it automatically go to an independent court person & if so, do we still have a say in helping to reach certain decisions?? If it does go to a court situation, I'll have to bring up the DPOA and then all hell will break loose. I see things getting worse at a time when we need to come together and make important decisions for our parents.

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in our family we had a meeting with a GCM. she told us what to do and I (as POA and main caregiver) was ready and willing to do what was asked of us. within one hour, I hired a person to come help clean and two days later my sister fired her as my dad complained about the cost. I compromised and got her in one day a week for 5 hours and after several months, my dad and sister fired her. my mother is angry at me as I am the one who tries to do what the dr. asks. she kicked me out of her house. I have stayed away so that my brother and sister could see how difficult it is to deal with the disease. now my sister who has exploited my parents financially is trying to revoke my POA. I am forced to go for guardianship. it is harrowing. all kinds of unkind and untrue things are being said about me but I try to focus on my parents' welfare and who they were when they chose me to be POA. it is costly!
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P.S. You would retain a GCM similar to retaining an attorney, but they do not coat nearly as much, about 1/3 of what attorneys charge. I would give this a try first. All will have to be willing to have open minds because you all have different ideas. The GCM will try to somehow bring all those ideas together.
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Geriatric care managers will assist families to determine what is best for your elder and try to get everybody focused on just getting along. If it gets to court the guardian appointed always has a final say but will attempt to get the family to agree. Everyone needs to focus on what is best for the elder and leave all of the sibling squabbles aside. So far, this is working for us. If there are no funds then the guardian will most likely be someone that works for the state. But you can find certified geriatric care managers listed online. If you can all agree this could potentially save a lot of money by keeping it out of court. But that is hard to accomplish as well. I tried to get siblings to agree to a geriatric care manager to assist, they would not agree, so I filed for guardianship and conservators to go to a third party. We never got to court but were finally able to mediate the agreement. One sibling is coming around and returning to her bit cooperative self, the other is another story, but exactly what I expected. The problem with the cooperative sibling is she lets the other have way too much influence on what she thinks and feels and she has been told that by both the guardian and conservator. Bratty, uncooperative sibling is no longer welcome to attend meetings.

Long story short, if you can also it out of court, by all means do. All try to agree on geriatric care manager who will always have what is best for elder. If it goes to court for appointment you will have less say so.
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is a geriatric care manager like a mediator??
does the 3rd party you mentioned an employee of the court, do they answer to the court, do we still have a say??
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It would be best if you can all agree and request a third party be appointed. It seems any judge that witnesses the sibling bickering would rule for third party. But if you all cannot agree, then just one of you can request it. Much cheaper in the long run with agreement.

have you thought about a geriatric care manager in an effort to keep it out of court? Or if you end up in court a guardian can be limited to emergency and residential decisions only which are the most stressful for siblings.
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