We went to court yesterday (PA) to get our sibling removed as guardian of our father. He lied his way into this position! Our dad has dementia and supposedly stage 4 lung cancer. He was on hospice, but the hospice dr was getting ready to discharge him because he has no symptoms and is very healthy! According to Elder Abuse Guidelines, he has financially and psychologically been abusing our father since the being named in Feb. of 2024. We want to replace him with our other brother. There are three of us that filed the petition.The guardian just took dad out of his home, telling dad and us that he was taking him to a Dr visit, then had him admitted to a nursing home! Dad was being taken care of by his two daughters that live with him!so, we went to court and spent three hours sitting in a room while the lawyers all went into the judges chambers. They would come out, ask us questions and go back in! I don’t know what happened, but the lawyers told us that the judge was not going to remove the guardian, didn’t like replacing him with other brother, he was not interested in what happened in the past, he wanted to know what we all planned to do in the future?? He wanted us to work together! We had already told him that the guardian was not communicating with us and had refused co-guardianship. Judge had no concerns about the financials, the selling of property or the way dad and the two daughters were being threatened and intimidated! Judge said that guardian had a Dr’s assessment saying that Dad could only receive services in a nursing home! So if we don’t want Dad in a nursing home, we need to find another Dr to say he can get services at home, but daughters cannot provide care anymore because they aren’t medically trained! Can anyone help explain this to me? How is this allowed to happen? My poor dad has been in the nursing home for one week! He was dressing himself, cooking his own breakfast every morning, he was mobile and not being sedated! Now, he is in a wheelchair, being given Lorazepam and begging us to take him home! Our hearts are broken. Our lawyers suck! We want him back home and we want the guardian removed! They keep talking about the incapacitated persons rights, they should have a say in their own care. All kinds of changes in the guardianship laws at the state level, but it’s not getting changed at the county levels. Suggestions would be appreciated!
That is the way it works in this country.
You do not believe Dad should be in care. His guardian doesn't agree with you. The guardian's opinion carries the day.
I have zero tolerance for siblings at war over their parents' failing bodies.
I agree with the judge. Either work together or move on with your own life is my advice, and I truly wish you all the best, but especially your Dad who, if you love him, surely deserves more than this weary war.
1. your brother and his legal were prepared for the hearing; they had a plan in place and had an existing timeline of care and oversight for Dads well being.
2. you and your other siblings went in on emotion with no plan in place.
Was your legal was clueless on how guardianships are determined? or did you & your siblings fail to do what was needed to establish your position?
If you all got there for a planned guardianship docket hearing, and the judge looked at the attorneys for each side and said “we are going in chambers”….. well that often tends to mean that one side is so glaringly deficient that it’s embarrassing to the court & why it moved to be in chambers.
Please pls pls realize that if the judge was at all concerned about the suitability of your brother as guardian, the judge could have made Dad to become a Ward of the State and appointed a outside guardian for Dad. So nobody - NOBODY - in the family would be guardian. The judge has a list of vetted guardians they can draw from.
Please try to reconcile your emotions. You need to realize that your brother as the court appointed guardian can have you and your siblings placed on a “no or limited” access list for visiting your Dad in the NH.
Norm, if you just want to vent you can ignore this feedback expanding on Igloo's post. If you want to try again with the court, please proceed with full understanding I'm not an attorney and this is opinion only -- not legal advice.
The advice I was once given from an attorney, "It's not what is true, it is what you can prove!" and has been very good advice.
If you want to try again to get the guardianship modified, you need to go in with at minimum:
1) An evaluation from a neurologist.
2) An updated evaluation from the court visitor.
3) A detailed professional caregiver care plan.
4) A detailed financial layout of how the care plan can be implemented.
5) An indication of whom is in charge of implementing 1 - 4 and why it is needed.
6) Finally, a no hard feelings/no conflict attitude.
And if all this wasn't previously discussed with your attorney before your last try, first and foremost, you need a new attorney.
When you and your family petitioned that your sibling be removed as your father's guardian, by law your father had to be represented by a lawyer (either one he had or one appointed by the court) even if everyone was in agreement. The lawyer would meet with him privately away from all of you and his guardian and ask him what he wants. The lawyer did this and presented his proof to the court. Your father has guardian because he can't take care of himself or make his own decisions anymore. No one just gets a guardian appointed for nothing. If your father was of sound mind and as able-bodied as you say, he would not have a guardian.
A legal guardian does not have to agree to co-guardianship with anyone. By the court's standards and rules your sibling is doing an adequate job and there is no legal reason that can be proven to replace them. Your father got placed because an actual doctor did an assessment and determined that he needed to be in a care facility. That is why he is in one. I did homecare for 25 years and can tell you that there are many times when a person cannot be cared for at home.
I know all of this is hard to hear, but it's the truth. No one wants to be in a nursing home. Even people with dementia will beg their LO's to take them home. It is a very sad truth.
I am sorry to say, but the judge is right to tell all of your to figure out a way to work together. Try doing that for your father's sake. He is not going to be leaving the nursing home and your family should not make the huge mistake in trying to remove him. Call the family together for a sit-down with his guardian (your sibling) and talk about ways all of you can help your father and give him some quality of life in the facility. This could be different siblings taking turns every evening of the week to keep him company. Or each sibling brings a dinner to him one night a week. Anything.
Again, I understand that there are times that the person in charge is wrong but it is not care by committee so you just have to trust...or file an appeal.
it is in his best interest.
As for innuendos, family disputes, financials, judge obviously cannot make objective decision without some sort of solid proof.
What did you expect?
Only medical opinion seems to be some proof
Dad has dementia, can have cancer, maybe it went to remission but he is sick man in need of medical attention 24/7.
Maybe it is best for daughters as it could become too much. Read some stories on this forum, mostly females are caregivers. Exhausted, frustrated, burnout.
A Guardian has complete control. They do not have to answer to you or siblings. Don't have to give u any info. How did you find out what meds Dad was getting? Because no staff member should be giving you any info, only the guardian.
I am so sorry you have had to go thru all of this. But it is really hard to get rid of Guardianship once its given.
As for the medication, we know how he acts on it. And we were told he is on it!
I know what guardians are allowed to do and they have too much control! As for third party guardianship, we are aware that could have happened.
Once the Guardian is selected there are reports that must be filed. These should prove that the Wards funds are being spent for their care.
What is or may have been lacking in your case is the oversight. And if anyone thinks that the Guardian is not properly carrying out their duties you contact the lawyer. And there is always a Guardian ad Litem is still involved and a report to the GAL can be made as well.
Guardianship is necessary is many cases and it is not just for elderly people it is for anyone that can not care for themselves. (think of a 21 year old that is in a vegetative state due to an accident or drug overdose. this person can no longer make decisions and they will need a Guardian that can make those decisions)
It sounds like your father must not be in very good shape physically and mentally and in all likelihood is where he needs to be in a nursing home at this point in his life. I think his guardian had the best interests of your father at heart. Your father's assets will be sold to cover his care. That is what his assets should be spent on.
Visit your father in the nursing home and be there for him. I hope you all can reconcile and move on with some sort of relationship.
If you had actual evidence of financial abuse, didn't you submit it to your lawyer? "Selling land".. is pretty vague and makes it sound like you're worried about inheritance. It was possibly sold to pay for your Dad's facility since those are not cheap.
I'm sorry for this distressing turn of events but there is always 2 sides to every story. Other than working with your brother the guardian or persisting in challenging his guardianship, I don't know what to tell you.
My SFIL had a court-assigned guardian and it was a positive experience. We were happy for this solution.
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