We've petitioned the court for guardianship (my sister and I). There are two other siblings - one does not have a close relationship with our mother, the other has financially abused Mom for years, even when he was her designated POA. Now I am POA and this has caused a tremendous rift among the children because I've secured Mom's assets thereby blocking either of them from further access to her "stuff" - making me Enemy Number One.
I've learned that these two are willing to sign the consent for the guardianship, but have requested stipulations be in place.
One is a financial accounting - which is laughable considering the brother has taken thousands of dollars from Mom and they both have forged Mom's name on checks and credit card slips. But I'm fine with the disclosure. Maybe they will learn what it means to have a fiduciary responsibility for someone and to manage it correctly.
Stipulation #2 is to have access to healthcare records, appointments, etc. THIS is also already in place with the HIPPAA forms...
Stipulation #3 is a bit bothersome because they want open visitation to Mom. The problems here are as follows:
Brother assaulted the sister that my Mom lives with, so there is a protective order against him.
The sister who Mom does NOT live with has NEVER had a particularly close relationship with Mom. All of a sudden, she wants Mom to spend days with her - which my Mom is not comfortable with. This sister does not give Mom the attention and "mothering" that someone with dementia needs. She does not hold Mom's hand to keep her from becoming unstable or wandering (says she will not "baby' Mom - WTH?!), Mom was with her for a week and did not bathe once bc the sister wouldn't help Mom (so Mom just "washed" up - dangerous for someone who's had multiple UTIs!). Once the sister had an event to go to and left Mom locked in the car! This sister also does NOT have a land line - therefore Mom's Lifeline won't work there. Additionally, her house is not equipped with everything that needs to be in place for someone who needs help with every ADL - no stability bars in the bathroom/bathtub/toilet
- lighting is insufficient
- no phone line
- no nightlights
- new house unfamiliar to Mom
Also this sister forces her religion upon Mom - making Mom tremendously uncomfortable.
So I'm curious to know if anyone has been in this type of situation and if so, what considerations to you request to ensure your loved one was well cared for if not in your care? I would think advance notice would have to be given, perhaps a 72 hour notice. And in the event that the visitation request conflicts with an already set appointment or commitment, the previously scheduled item wins? Most importantly, I would think that as long as Mom is able to decide for herself, she should be able to make the determination of whether or not she'd like to participate and if she does, the person she will be visiting would need to consult with one of the appointed Co-Guardians to make the arrangements and Mom should not be involved in the arrangements only because of the dementia - this sort of thing stresses her out.
Any other thoughts or considerations?