Many of you have seen me through the years on this site. I thank you for all the support you have given me over the years with my dad. It has been a 'rough go' at times. He was diagnosed with dementia in 2014. I was awarded guardianship/conservatorship in 2018 and things were off to a rocky start until we were able to move him to AL in 2019. After some time in SNF, he moved to MC over a year ago. He turned 96 last week. Yesterday I went to see him, as I do a couple times per month. He just seems to get a little worse each time I see him. He said he was really tired and slept through most of our visit. (Although he could not tell me if he had eaten breakfast, he talked about how he joined the Navy in the 1940s like it was yesterday. We tend to talk about the past since that's what he remembers. I often ask him to tell me the same stories over and over.) He is just getting worse and worse. A little bit more is gone each time I see him. It makes me think I need to start thinking about his 'arrangements'. Sometime back, I had my sister inquire with the cemetery where his family is buried, which is in the town where she lives. It was going to be $15,000 for the plot. It was a lot of money to spend at the time, so I didn't purchase. He has had prepaid cremation here locally for some time and the MC has the information should they need it. I reached out to the guardianship attorney back then and she said I could purchase his cemetary plot now but after he dies and I become his personal representative, I could not. That my spending powers would be limited only to essentials. This did not make sense to me as I would think when someone dies, that paying for their burial expenses as personal representative would be sort of important. Has anyone else done this?
Your Mom is buried in this 15k cemetery? And Dads family? If so, why does Dad not have a plot next to Mom or even somewhere near family. My parents bought their plots when I was small, 4 of them. They r both buried there, my sister and Moms sister. An Aunt and Uncle near them. If this is where he wanted to be buried, then he should have made the arrangements. Again, if he has no money for the plot, it should not come out of your pocket. Again, see if the Urn can be buried in the same plot of a LO.
If he already has a prepaid cremation, is that something he made a decision about while he was still of sound mind? If so, that was his plan. Would there be a need to purchase a $15K plot if he's going to be cremated. Perhaps the family cemetery has more reasonable burials for cremated remains - place the remains in the same grave site as his parent or sibling? Maybe they have a vault or crypt (?) for ashes. Or complete the cremation and then take the ashes back to his 'home' down to spread over areas he loved there. You can always install an 'in memory' stone in the family plot so dad's name is memorialized with the family
If it's something you really want, then what has stopped you from spending the money? Would it deplete the money that is paying for his memory care?
First thing, get the funeral/cremation and cemetery arrangements made. Depending on the extent of his dementia, ask him help to make the choices (with you providing guidance and the final decision) of what he would like for all of this. These items are not cheap. Depending on the choices made it could be a minimum of $12,000 and higher. Dad had his cemetery plot and all associated costs at the cemetery paid, but the funeral cost still exceeded $5,000, and it was minimalistic. Furthermore, having funeral and cemetery expenses "prepaid" allows you to grieve when the time comes.
While your parent is alive, you have "flexibility" up to a point on expenditures. If they have to go into assisted living, it becomes more structured; and if they go on Medicaid, it is even more strict. My Durable Power of Attorney stops immediately when both parents have passed, it then becomes the responsibility of the Executor for all the financial items.
The second item, as protection for you and for your parent, get a consult with an ELDER CARE ATTORNEY. I attended a seminar at the local library and discovered there was "years" worth of information that I didn't have, was misinformed about, or had changed in recent years. Inflation and recession are ugly words, but they definitely impact the family's estate that they worked so long and hard to attain. Elder care attorneys can help you slog through all of the state and national legalese. It's not cheap to get their services, but I and my parents felt it was worth the expense (our cost $7500, flat fee for 1-year -- It was definitely cheaper than paying a by-the-hour retainer/fee).
I hope my suggestions offer you help and directions to consider. Take care of yourself too and tell your dad you love him every day.
If Dad set up cremation then have that done. If he is a Vet, then check out County VA cemeteries near you. A county plot is free I think but to have it open may have a charge but sure the plaque is free. My Uncle is buried at a County VA cemetery and the VA gave a nice graveside service.
I arranged the burial for both my in-laws at our National VA cemetery. There was no charge for the plot or opening it. Again the plaque was free and the VA had a nice graveside service.
Call your County VA to see whats available.
Grandma's suggestion is good, a Niche. I was going to look into that for my DH and me.
Pay all remaining bills of the decedent
distribute the estate to the heirs.
There is no buying things in their name as they are dead. So they can't buy a burial plot and they can't get a charge card.
As a beneficiary I am just saying I wouldn't be on board with "my funds" (if you see what I mean--mine at that point, left to me by my Dad) being spent to the tune of 15 grand for a dead body, so you can see that the feelings of beneficiaries matter, hee hee. I myself want a simple cremation and no services. Some folks want elaborate services with all the finest in coffin choice, in burial plot and etc. That certainly is their right, and yours to carry out NOW for your Dad if that's what he wishes. But after death the work of the administator is to the estate (bills and etc) and to the beneficiaries.
So I get this rule.
If you think this plot is what your FATHER would want, buy it now. Choose a chapel and prepay his expenses and etc.
It honestly makes a lot of sense to me, this law.
Best out to you, and congratulations on the marvelous care and support you have given Dad all this time.
Do not buy a plot from the cemetery, the cost is always higher. I am sure people are selling plots they do not intend on using. People buy then move away or get married and do not wish to be buried where the originally planned.
The other option would be a Columbarium Niche if the cemetery has one.
I'm part-owner of two single plots in the same cemetery, both of which were purchased back in the 1920s. (Two different sides of the family.) The cemetery refuses to buy them from us because they said there isn't much call for individual plots.
If I could be bothered to figure out exactly how to establish ownership, I'd put these plots up for sale, but it's not worth getting the six owners of one plot nor the 30+ owners of the other one on the same page just to split about $5 apiece IF we could sell the plots at all.