I met my boyfriend 5 months into him putting his life on hold to provide full time hospice care when his mom was given months to live from various kinds of cancer. He had no help. It was hard to see him but he made time. After a few months of dating, looking back now, I think everything got to him. I am not perfect but I was so good to him, there for him. He became very macho, stopped communicating, & was hateful at times. I felt like I could do nothing right. I had been abused by my ex-hub so I don't put up with much but I tried...it just wasn't him. When I DID stand up to him, it got worse. Eventually, I was convinced I just wasn't good enough for him. He was very hard on me, blamed me for everything. Nothing I could do made him happy...made him be nice for long.
I'm 33 & from day 1 thought I'd marry this man. I was going through h*ll in my life & he was my blessing....right?!! I told myself he was stretched thin trying to make me, mom & his (working) dad happy. We decided to be friends but that went over like giving a crack head skittles. Weeks before his mom passed, I tried to just fake it & be supportive. He stopped texting but I checked in daily. After she passed, he was sweet again, thanking me for being there & proving how much I loved him. Before long, one small thing made him snap & I was the crazy evil lady again. He blocked my #. (Not the 1st time). 2 weeks later I went to his house. He wouldn't open the door but SCREAMED through the door & said I'd done all sorts of things which weren't true. I was balling & apologized for not understanding how horrible this had all been. I blamed myself. I begged for forgiveness. His was screaming at his dad for letting me in & to get me out so I left within 1-2 minutes. YES I FELT HORRIBLE FOR HIS DAD!!! I felt horrible to cause my ex & his dad more pain!!! I had NO CLUE....because I'm an idiot....that he would or could be capable of that much hate.
I've read forums....these relationships don't seem to work out & I've been/am an idiot it seems....but YES, I do love him. I won't put up with being talked to like he did but can someone change JUST because of this? I just want to understand. This man made me feel loved. He tried for a good 7 months, despite BOTH our misery, to make it work. Until 1-2 months ago, I ALWAYS knew he loved me & feeling loved is rare for me. I CARE about this man but I also want to understand for many reasons....what the crap happened!!!? I'm ok alone!! I just got laid off from a job where I was miserable so it's all about new beginnings here. Not trying to save a burnt casserole. I just need peace of mind & my heart wants to help if I CAN. He didn't deserve to watch his mom die. He told me it was hard to fall in love with me while he was losing the woman he'd loved his whole life. No one deserves to be mistreated but no one deserves to feel what he's feeling....& he's alone...& I can't help him. Bless you all that have lost. I've only ever lost my best friend in a car wreck, next to me. Drunk driver hit us head on at 115mph & I'm only survivor. If it is any comfort...although I know it's not....I felt her so very close to me after she passed...& I knew, even though someone "took" her life, that she is where she's supposed to be. I can't explain that feeling or how I know it but I assure its accuracy & it's the comfort that got me through years of reliving that moment. Our loved ones are happy.
Thank you for your time. I do fear that I'm just cray cray & as I wrote this I thought, "Why would u put up with that!!? Who cares why!!?" Feel free to tell me the honest truth. Just have a heart when you do it, if you will. Please :) If you give criticism out of disgust, the receiver can assume you just aren't the happiest chicken in the cage. I'm human. I swear it