Grief. Is this feeling normal?

Sure, it is absolutely normal. I would suggest first of all that neither you nor your sister take Mom into your home. That will pretty much seal the deal for the rest of her remaining years. Consider placement in ALF for her so she will have company and people to assist her on a 24/7 basis. She may thrive in that circumstance. Be certain not to enable her helplessness. I am assuming you mean your Dad had Alzheimer's not your Mom. In that case she functioned well to care for him; she is lonely, distraught now, and that would be normal. You won't regain your lives if you do enable her in her needing you there a lot. I am glad there's two of you to divide the care, but ultimately you are down to taking her in or of seeking placement. I hope she will be able to remain in her home for a while, because loss of her husband and then of their home would, I am sure, be devastating, perhaps dangerous. Begin to talk with her about future plans and wishes.

Sure, your feeling are normal, but hers certainly are, too. She just lost her life companion of 58 years -- did you think she'd get over it quickly?

You don't say how long it's been since your dad died, but I don't think it's completely realistic to expect your life to return to normal when you still have your mom around. Everything has changed forever for all of you, and that's what happens in life -- things change. You adapt, you go on, but you don't expect things to go back to the way they were. Same goes for Mom, so be a little more supportive if you can.

Yes, your feelings are normal and so are your mom’s feelings.

My mom always hated being a burden on family too.

It’s an adjustment for everyone when a loved one dies.

So sorry for the loss of your dad.

I’m sorry for your loss. It could be the grief and being alone that is causing the needs, but I’d also observe things carefully to see if it’s anything else. My LO asked for a lot of help after her mother passed away, seemed sad, lost, and as it turns out she had cognitive decline and really needed more hands on assistance with her daily activities. Of course, it could be grief too. Everyone is different. It’s no surprise you are drained of energy.

Totally 100% normal for you to be feeling this. Focus on staying calm around your mother. Grief like this will take some time before she feels like she can operate without your dad. She may never feel like she can operate without your dad. You might want to focus on helping her reorganize the house so it makes sense to her instead of how it made sense to your dad. If technology is the issue try and find owners manuals etc with clear written instructions. The remote control was a big issue with my mom after my dad died. Once I found the owner's manual it was easier for my mom to understand. Also things like jar and can openers might be a good investment.

I’m sorry for your loss.

My husband passed a few months ago. As a young woman and former full-time caregiver, I can understand both you and your mother. The toll of years of caring for someone and then the wide range of feelings of grief when they’re gone (sadness, relief, feeling alone, etc) can make for a tense family situation. It feels like my stress tolerance is very low these days, and I have to try hard not to get frustrated or overwhelmed. My energy and ability to handle normal tasks is just not normal yet.

I am very fortunate because a friend knew better than I did that I would need extra support as a widow. She is staying the in-law suite, and we spend afternoons and evenings together every day. Her presence and reassurance helps so much. She is reminding me of things about myself to be proud of and helping me laugh. She makes dinners most days, and we have made tremendous progress on long-neglected tasks, like the backyard.

I understand you’re ready to move on, and your Mom’s neediness is frustrating. But, your Mom does need extra patience, love and support.

Maybe she would benefit from an assisted living situation where she can be around others her age and those who can care for her so you can take a break. Just a suggestion. I don’t know if that would be appropriate for your situation. Hopefully other will have suggestions.

best wishes