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I wonder if the NAMI group might have some advice for getting help? There are chapters all over and while it tends to be parents in re to children with mental illness, as far as knowing how to handle emergencies, they may know or know of resources, including legal. Holding good thoughts for you...and as in my response somewhere below, also suggested adult protective services for guidance and resources
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gdaughter May 2019
PS that stands for National Alliance for the Mentally Ill and the name may have changed a little...
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A place for mom is a placement agency and probably won't be able to help in this situation.

Is it possible to have her committed to a psychiatric hospital because she has become a danger to herself and your dad?

Where I live a spouse can initiate a committal. I know she is fearful of that, that tells me she knows her behavior is wrong. Bi-polar is so tragic and most people I know don't want to treat it because they like the manic times more then they hate the depression times.

Do some research on psychiatric hospitals in their area and call to find out how to get her committed. You may need to go be with your dad as it could be traumatic if she fights the police or whomever takes her to get treatment. Sometimes people change their minds about their loved ones because of the battle to force them to go. It is scary and chaotic, keeping your eyes on the end goal is pretty hard at that time.

I know this sounds harsh, but she really does need drastic intervention. She is having delusions that could turn her violent and end tragically for your dad.

As her spouse he is automatically her POA when she can't make decisions for herself and she is there.

As hard as it will be for everyone, this really is the necessary steps to get her help.

While she is in the hospital, find a facility that will take her. Talk to a certified elder law attorney, you can find one at www.nelf.org, and find out how to ensure that dad is still able to survive financially and how to get complete control over your mom.

Your dad is a pretty amazing man for loving her through this. It is time that he gets some peace instead of daily escalation.

Hugs for all you do and have done for your parents.
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Thank you, Helen. This is very helpful and I will check with the insurance company and A Place for Mom. This feels so overwhelming but I feel the need to act on this soon. The time is now. Appreciate the kind thoughts.
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Hi 1977. So sorry your family is going through difficult times. A few things you mentioned about your Mom are familiar to my Mom. Has your Mom ever been treated for her depression? That would be the first thing I would focus on. See if you could get the psychiatrist to prescribe something. Is It new behavior, her not taking bp meds? If so, this is unusual behavior for her and life threatening so you might get some help due to that. The paranoia could be something in addition, such as dementia. I would get in touch with a Social worker at the local hospital or referral through her primary care doctor to see what you can do as concerned family when mental state is not healthy for your Mom. My Mom was in such a bad depression once I had to be pretty forceful to get her to see a dr. When depression sets in people cannot help themselves. They get hopeless and need others to be their advocate. Best of luck. Golden Year’s. Sure, so Golden. Hang in there and I hope you can find some help. Your Mom AND Dad are lucky to have you.
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atl1977 May 2019
Thanks, Sweetstuff. She’s never been diagnosed for depression because she’s never been willing to speak to a doctor about it. The problem is never her - it’s evil doctors or my evil dad. I will try to get a hold of her primary care doctor (who she hasn’t seen in a year). They haven’t been very responsive by phone in the past. She is so combative and isn’t phased by any threats so I’m not sure how to force her to do anything that involves leaving the house. I’m just so sad for her and the despair she’s feeling.
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I don't know if this will help, but you can't make mom seek Tx. However, can you and dad find her a psychiatrist and make her appt, then lie to her? I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes we have to do what we have too. Tell her that you are taking her out for ice cream or to her favorite store, restaurant whatever you think will get her out. Of course afterwards you should take her where ever you said you would. Explain to the psychiatrist what is going on. In your case I would not push the meds because she may see that as threating. Tell her that you love her and worried about her, and you just want her to feel better.

I wish I had more to offer. I am sure someone else will come along with better advice.

I wish you the best.
Hugs!!!
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atl1977 May 2019
Thanks Shell. I just can’t get her out of the house for anything. She’s too fearful that we will have her committed. I feel like it could all be different if she just gets some help. I need to find a way to force it upon her.
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My dear my heart breaks for you and your sweet Dad. Overall I think Mom has some major emotional issues that could stem from her dementia/alz symptoms, if I am reading all of this correctly. I am surprised the doctors are not admitting her for full review of her mental health and get official diagnosis.. Her level of paranoia is a sure sign of dementia or other ailments. Not sure how your sweet Dad is handling all of this emotionally. VERY hard on him I am sure. Check with your Dad's local senior facility to see if they have adult day care where he can drop Mom off so he has some breaks for himself. In addition call insurance to see what medical options she has. I have my Mom live with us and she is pretty frail in walking/moving and they have an in-home care Dr coming to check on her, hope they have something like that for your Dad in his area. There are many options. A Place for Mom is another good website to check for senior assistance in your Dad's area since you live far away, do some checking for him. Prayers to all of you in this life changing journey.
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gdaughter May 2019
No adult day care is going to want to take such a potentially disruptive and paranoid person. If you are in the states though, I would call your local office on aging for a referral, and possibly Adult Protective Services. She is showing evidence of self-neglect. You can also develop a relationship with a certified elder law professional and consult about options. In this day and age there are limited MD's who make home visits, but if they do it is often for geriatric situations. More often are nurses who have connections or can consult with an MD, OR they have more of an impact contacting the patient's own MD. Any medications must be very carefully chosen as some are not good for dementia or certain types of it. I also think of illness as a stressor, and sometimes that's all it takes to push dementia symptoms forward. Your dad and you being so tolerant ...amazing strength. You could have picked up on things correctly though...bipolar illness is a witch in and of itself, throw dementia in, I can't imagine. It is cliche, but you and your dad must take care of yourselves to be able to take care of her.
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