I just got a call from the rehab facility. They told me my mom left the facility with her grandson against medical advice. She left the wheelchair at the front entrance. Who is liable if something happens to her?
Glad you stood your ground. If you get any call concerning Moms care give them nephew's and sister's phone# since they think they know better.
Now, you need to set boundries for yourself when dealing with Mom and sister. You don't have to talk to either of them. So can block them. You will never know they called. Or set ur phone to DO NOT DISTURB. Take their phone#s out of your contacts. Set ur DND to only people in ur contacts and texts to ring thru. All others will go to VM where u can listen and delete.
Its time to be blunt with everyone. You have tried to help Mom but she does not want you involved. This was confirmed by Rehab. That you get blamed for things out of your control. You did not put Mom in a NH. The Hospital doctor felt she needed Rehab which has nothing to do with you. Mom could have turned down Rehab. Even though they say "we are sending you to rehab" you can say no. So, since Mom knows best and sister agrees with her, then Mom can call sister and/or nephew when she needs something. You are tired of being their doormat.
This will not be easy but its something you need to do for you. You may lose a Mom and a sister but have you really lost? They lose their scapegoat, you get peace of mind knowing there is nothing you can do for this woman and if you try ur abused. By blocking them, you no longer need to deal with them.
I just received a call from corporate saying my Mom was discharged last night. I said, then why did her nurse call me and say she left AMA with her grandson? The liaison then said, "your moms discharge papers were started and she just decided to leave abruptly but I will look into it some more." I let her know that I am no longer involved. I explained to her the ins and outs of this whole mess and she said she will make a call to APS to ensure they are aware and have the social worker contact my mom to follow up on home care. The liaison suggested that I "try to get Mom to sign POA". No. I am not doing that. After her threatening to SUE her own daughter thinking I would fraudulently make a call to her insurance in the attempt to file an appeal to keep her there?!? She also said "your mom made it clear she does not want you involved". Perfect. I am officially done. No more calls. I did my due diligence and gave them the information they need and now I can have piece of mind knowing they are aware of a possible unsafe discharge home.
Completely rhetorical: if your mom made it "clear" to the rehab center that "she does not want you involved", then why on Earth are they calling you, and then suggesting you seek to be mom's POA? I mean, if she's competent enough to make the decision about a POA and doesn't want you, then that's that, and the facility has no business "recommending" this to you; if she's not competent enough to make that call, she probably shouldn't be discharged in the first place! Thank goodness you had already made up your mind! I can see many other people who might already riding the guilt train leaping even further into the quagmire upon a comment like that from a person representing a medical facility!
Sometimes, you just gotta wonder what people are thinking when they make these stupid comments.
They must have thought Grandma is competent to make this decision or would not have let her go with someone who is not her POA. Who IS her POA? Is she competent? If so she is free to go with anyone who cares to take her. Rehab isn't prison. No one is responsible but her if she is competent. As to the grandson being responsible if she is NOT competent, what would you do? Sue him? No one is really responsible for this bad decision. Sorry this is happening.
If your Mom is of sound mind then she is responsible. And since grandson helped her to escape, he and his mother can take over care of Mom. By doing what she did, she received no prescriptions and no referral for in home PT/OT. She is on her own.
Your sister also needs to understand the process when someone has been hospitalized and then goes to rehab. Its a common practise. Where I live Rehab and Skilled Nursing are in the same building but in a separate part of the building. Rehab has their own section. It is temporary.
So now you have to throw up some boundries. What are you willing and not willing to do. Me, let ur sister do the caring thru her son. You are always going to hit this wall.
Just glanced over previous posts. Seems Mom is hard to deal with. You may want to explain to her without a POA one of these hospital stays will mean the State stepping in and taking over her care if its felt she is incompetent to do so. You nor your sister will have any say. She got no in home care. She has a wound that needs a Nurse to look at and probably some PT. She could ask her Dr. to precribe it. Now, you just wait for something to happen. If she winds up in the hospital/rehab ask for a evaluation for 24/7 care. If its found she needs it, then she can be placed in a NH. They cannot release her unsafely.
I would not help her sell her house because you will eventually be to blame for that too.
If anyone (rehab, police, EMS, your mother, sister or family) contacts you, I would say "Going forward, on the advice of my lawyer, I can have no involvement with my mother's affairs."
IANAL, but this is what any attorney will tell you if you are threatened with being sued.
You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
IANAL is an internet initialism that stands for “I am not a lawyer.” It's usually used by non-lawyers who want to clarify that their legal opinions aren't legal advice.
You can call adult protective services and talk to them about the situation. This does not mean that you are accusing your nephew of abuse, only that you have serious concerns because he came from out of town, has not been part of her life or her care in the past (year or more?). That's a reason to be concerned. The report may or may not be screened in for investigation. If they do decide to investigate, the person or persons who made the report are not ever named by the APS workers. It is possible that the nursing home filed an APS report already...a second one from a family member might raise the case to an investigation. Or, detach....you've been taking of your mother for a while, your sister is not getting the picture at all...
Tajann, you've got to assume that MOM signed her discharge papers.
That makes MOM responsible.
Step back. Let whatever will happen happen.
Like most manipulative folks, your mom has a crew of "flying monkeys"--gullible folks who will swoop in to do her bidding when you step back. Allow them to.
This situation is not within your control. And if she calls with an "emergency" call 911 and let THEM handle it.
Give the hospital your sister's/nephew's numbers when they call.
You really need to just cut of contact with Mom and escape this craziness. It will do nothing but cause you extra grief and stress. Her self-created problems are her own, not yours to endlessly solve. You don't mention anything about Dementia/Alzh in your profile, so I'm assuming she is of clear mind. She can make her own decisions and suffer the consequences.
Actually, the patient is responsible. The AMA (against medical advice) forms release from liability the institution. The signer of the AMA form assumes all responsibilities. In this case, your mom must be legally competent for signing an AMA release form. Otherwise, she would not have been allowed to leave AMA.
She didn't sign any papers. She just left. The nurse called me and said her wheelchair was left at the main entrance and she told someone her grandson was picking her up. I assume she told the lady at the desk.
The grandson is my sister's son, NOT mine. The sister who lives 1000 miles away and tells my mom how awful I am to put her in a "nursing home" (i.e, rehab facility).
If your mother escaped from the facility, they will call the family to ask to bring her back. They will give the family an ultimatum: If she does not return within 24 hours, the patient will receive an administrative AMA (against medical advice) discharge.
I agree with Isthisrealyreal: wash your hands of this insanity. Your mother wants nothing to do with you? FINE. Have nothing to do with her. She wants out of rehab AMA? Fine, she's out. She has herself to blame now if/when her grandson (your son?) has to take her back to the hospital and if Medicare turns her down for another stint in rehab. Actions have consequences. Nobody has POA for her, if I recall your other posts, so SHE is responsible for HERSELF. There you have it.
Wish your son and your mother the very best of luck, but you have to move on with your own life now. You cannot care more about a person than they do about themselves.
Tajann, something else to think about ..... your Mom may run into a problem with her health insurance not paying if she needs to once again go back into rehab for the same identical issue.
Now, you need to set boundries for yourself when dealing with Mom and sister. You don't have to talk to either of them. So can block them. You will never know they called. Or set ur phone to DO NOT DISTURB. Take their phone#s out of your contacts. Set ur DND to only people in ur contacts and texts to ring thru. All others will go to VM where u can listen and delete.
Its time to be blunt with everyone. You have tried to help Mom but she does not want you involved. This was confirmed by Rehab. That you get blamed for things out of your control. You did not put Mom in a NH. The Hospital doctor felt she needed Rehab which has nothing to do with you. Mom could have turned down Rehab. Even though they say "we are sending you to rehab" you can say no. So, since Mom knows best and sister agrees with her, then Mom can call sister and/or nephew when she needs something. You are tired of being their doormat.
This will not be easy but its something you need to do for you. You may lose a Mom and a sister but have you really lost? They lose their scapegoat, you get peace of mind knowing there is nothing you can do for this woman and if you try ur abused. By blocking them, you no longer need to deal with them.
Please allow APS and the other systems to do their jobs.
No longer your issue.
Completely rhetorical: if your mom made it "clear" to the rehab center that "she does not want you involved", then why on Earth are they calling you, and then suggesting you seek to be mom's POA? I mean, if she's competent enough to make the decision about a POA and doesn't want you, then that's that, and the facility has no business "recommending" this to you; if she's not competent enough to make that call, she probably shouldn't be discharged in the first place! Thank goodness you had already made up your mind! I can see many other people who might already riding the guilt train leaping even further into the quagmire upon a comment like that from a person representing a medical facility!
Sometimes, you just gotta wonder what people are thinking when they make these stupid comments.
Your sister also needs to understand the process when someone has been hospitalized and then goes to rehab. Its a common practise. Where I live Rehab and Skilled Nursing are in the same building but in a separate part of the building. Rehab has their own section. It is temporary.
So now you have to throw up some boundries. What are you willing and not willing to do. Me, let ur sister do the caring thru her son. You are always going to hit this wall.
Just glanced over previous posts. Seems Mom is hard to deal with. You may want to explain to her without a POA one of these hospital stays will mean the State stepping in and taking over her care if its felt she is incompetent to do so. You nor your sister will have any say. She got no in home care. She has a wound that needs a Nurse to look at and probably some PT. She could ask her Dr. to precribe it. Now, you just wait for something to happen. If she winds up in the hospital/rehab ask for a evaluation for 24/7 care. If its found she needs it, then she can be placed in a NH. They cannot release her unsafely.
I would not help her sell her house because you will eventually be to blame for that too.
If anyone (rehab, police, EMS, your mother, sister or family) contacts you, I would say "Going forward, on the advice of my lawyer, I can have no involvement with my mother's affairs."
IANAL, but this is what any attorney will tell you if you are threatened with being sued.
You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
IANAL is an internet initialism that stands for “I am not a lawyer.” It's usually used by non-lawyers who want to clarify that their legal opinions aren't legal advice.
It added clarity to my decision of stepping out of any care role. All F.O.G. lifted. Crystal clear now.
Completely detach. It won't be easy for you, but that is the only way the system will work as it should.
The report may or may not be screened in for investigation.
If they do decide to investigate, the person or persons who made the report are not ever named by the APS workers.
It is possible that the nursing home filed an APS report already...a second one from a family member might raise the case to an investigation.
Or, detach....you've been taking of your mother for a while, your sister is not getting the picture at all...
Pure and simple, this is the ONLY way your mom is going to get the help she needs.
The rehab will most likely alert Adult Protective Services. Let the system work. Do NOT step in.
That makes MOM responsible.
Step back. Let whatever will happen happen.
Like most manipulative folks, your mom has a crew of "flying monkeys"--gullible folks who will swoop in to do her bidding when you step back. Allow them to.
This situation is not within your control. And if she calls with an "emergency" call 911 and let THEM handle it.
Give the hospital your sister's/nephew's numbers when they call.
Wish your son and your mother the very best of luck, but you have to move on with your own life now. You cannot care more about a person than they do about themselves.
Your mom is a competent adult and she is responsible for her actions.
Praying this wasn't your son.
Where is she now?