This is regarding my boyfriend's grandpa- I'm pretty close to the whole family but recent events are making things complicated.
Grandpa is 91 years old and lives in a house by himself but my boyfriend and his sister take turns staying overnight to care for him to make sure he doesn't fall while going to bathroom, etc.
During the day- me and my boyfriend, his mother, his dad, his aunt, or his sister will stay with him depending on who is available. We help him make meals, take his medicine for his leg pain, bathe, and clean around the house.
This week a situation happened with my boyfriend's sister, she is the same age as me- 24 years old.
She was alone with him doing her homework at his house and he told her that she had nice legs and insisted that she let him touch them. She told him no. He continued to ask her to sit next to him so he could touch her legs and she continued to tell him no. She ended up leaving.
Today she was at his home once more and he asked again to touch her legs and body. She told him no repeatedly and followed with "Grandpa, I'm your granddaughter" and he said "I know". She left after he still continued to ask to touch her body.
My boyfriend's sister has told their mother about the situation but she oddly had no comment and ignored her. She typically is very caring, concerned and motherly. My boyfriend recalls his father once telling him "You know, I wonder what he (grandpa) did to his kids- your mom still sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night with wide eyes, like horrible things have happened to her". My boyfriend has always brushed this off but thinks his father might be onto something.
Grandpa is pretty witty, sharp minded and can converse fairly well. Mentally he seems all there. My boyfriend doesn't think he has dementia because grandpa does not act out of character when he is around. I am not sure what to think but I agree that he is mentally sharp and he does not act strange around me.
My boyfriend has decided to stop help caring for grandpa because he thinks he doesn't deserve help anymore. I think he feels betrayed because we have been helping him out a lot in the past year and now this has happened.
It's a sad situation to watch because he really admired him- his siblings used to say "You're just like grandpa" and my boyfriend said it was one of the best compliments because he looks up to him. And grandpa meant the world to his sister too.
I don't know what to do about my relationship with grandpa and the family because I believe my boyfriend's sister- I don't doubt what has happened. But I don't want to abandon grandpa, especially if he needs help physically or mentally.
I want to support my boyfriend and his sister- I care about grandpa too- but I feel conflicted, helpless and alone.
You are NOT alone. Dementia/Alzheimers is a nasty disease that can make elderly extemely hard to care for, let alone like. Come back to this forum...many wise folks on here. Good luck.