Grandpa (85) with Alzheimer's has incontinence issues. Any advice?

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Whenever he goes #2 he just doesn't wipe. He won't let me help him and even if i get the toilet paper ready for him he just throws it away. He is not only starting to smell like feces but he is getting it everywhere!

We tried wipes and it still doesn't get the job done. We're going to a physical therapist to help with strengthening his muscles but I don't know how much that will help. He won't wear any type of diaper, if I suggest it he throws it at me and just doesn't wear anything.

I'm just not sure what to do. ANY advice would be greatly appreciated.

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I agree with CatMama, find aging care in your community and have them come in for bathing several mornings. He is likely to react differently and better with someone who is not family.
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Somehow I think his sons need to get involved in this.
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My Mom is 95 and we have incontinence issues but urinary and fecal. I have home health come in twice a week to bathe her, she doesn't like but I tell her she can get sores and infection and can end up in the hospital. I also threatened to move out and told her she can find someone else to care for her. I work full time and she runs me ragged with washing, cleaning floors, linens, etc. She won't change but the bit of tough love about bathing got her attention. When she changes I try to be there with the adult diaper. You have to find what works with your loved one. It's hard and you don't know what it's like until you've walked a mile in those shoes. Good luck!
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Thank you! Unfortunately if I tell him that we are going to have someone come in, he puffs up his chest and says "go ahead", but I know if I did he would flip! Plus within a minute he won't remember what I said anyways :[ Pride is definitely an issue with him and unfortunately his wife has passed and his sons are all living out of state so there is only ladies
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I'm not much help with wiping issues. My mom has had same problems but will now let me wipe her so she doesn't fall and my father bathe her. Is there a man or spouse that can help talk to him. My mom would never allow my brother or DH to do any wiping due to pride.

I did want to mention about physical therapy. My mother is almost so bad physically that she's like a paralyzed person. A few months ago PT came to home and worked with her and I was amazed how different she got around. Almost too good, she walked down steps to her car and drove to her old work!! That being said, once therapist stopped coming, she quickly lost all that she gained and then some. We tried to continue the exercises but had hard time making her do them.
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Let him know that if he won't let you care for him at home he'll have to go somewhere where there are professionals that can care for him. Although his Alzheimer's may prohibit this information from sinking in. You can also try telling him that if he wants to stay in his home he's going to have to make sacrifices.

And you're right about the physical therapy. It won't do much to help him.
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