My 81 year old grandpa is getting more and more difficult that I almost can't take it anymore. He is getting to be disrespectful rude mean and just refusing help food and to walk sometimes. At first I thought it's just his dementia - its ok you can get through this WITH him but it has only gotten worse. He will do something perfectly fine when I am out of the room and sometimes if he feels like it even then and then when I walk in the room hes like ok im ready walk for me... he will literally stop walking in the middle of walking sometimes, he gets rude with us now me his grand daughter my dad and his wife i have never known my grand father to be this way and i am finding that i can not control my temper sometimes so i just walk away he doesnt argue hes just mean and refuses. I don't know what to do anymore.
Right now I cant lift him full and hes gonna end up hurting me and himself cause i am his primary care provider. im so stressed lately cause its all been the past two or three weeks this has been going on and its staring to progress now he is mean most the time and refuses to eat anything says hes been eating great n he hasn,t eating good in 5 days idk what to do i cant make him do things he still has his mind enough that he is coherent but he wants to do it on his own and this is his house and his stuff and ill be putting him in bed n he will be like oh i tell every one to stay out of my room but u can be in here in the middle of changing his diaper. i just dont know how to deal with him right now i am a very very patient person but its to the point where i feel like if u dont want my help then ok and leave but i cant and i wont i care and love my grand father with all my heart but its very frustrating being disrespected and an having some be rude to you even tho its a parent. i know that its part of his dementia but i can take care of him if he wont let me do it and idk im at a loss idk what to do if hes fighting me how am i suposed to help him walk of get in bed or help him to his chair or feeding him or dressing him...
I dont think I can take to many more of his him walking fine in the hall way and just letting his whole body weight drop on me because he just says hes done walking, he is getting heavier nd heavier since his surgery and its getting harder and harder on me and our family who helps care for him. what do i do im stressed and almost at the ends of my wits.
I have so much patients and i never thought i could be so mad at my grandfather for being that way towards me i had to literally just leave and have everyone else take care of him for the day today because the way he is acting i would have exploded today.. i had to ask for some advice before i go crazy in the head here and become so stressed out and tired that i cant deal with him.. i cant figure out what to do anymore all my lil tricks to get him to eat to get him to do things don't work no more what else can i do i need help im tired all the time and im stressed n my back hurts and i have a hurt arm and he hurts me to lift his whole body weight when he just decides to drop on me ugh i probably repeated myself im sorry if i did but i need some thing to go off of or i am gonna have to stop taking care of him cause i cant take the stress on me phsically one of these days there is gonna be no one around to help me when he decides he is just gonna sit down in thee middle of the air n me trying to support him and im not gonna be able to hold him up n we are gonna both end up hurt and that does no good for any body im then useless to him also so if anyone has any advice then please let me know id greatly appriciate it.
I'd try to keep in mind that it's your dad's welfare that is the most important thing and getting him proper care is not letting him down. I would follow up with the doctor about his pain management.
I doubt that with the dementia, the caretaking will be come less intense as your grandfather progresses. Often dementia patients are agitated, rude and resistant to care. I would suspect that the progression of the dementia would make his care more demanding and quite difficult for one person to do in the home. Of course, you can see this now.
I think I would discuss the situation with your family and consider the options. Are you the Durable Power of Attorney? I would discuss it with the doctor and gather information about the progression of dementia, as well the cancer information and explain that other arrangements must be made to care for grandfather. It often takes teams of people to properly care for someone who is in his condition. I'd try to find out how to make that happen, whether you can get outside help to come to him or have him placed in long term care.
You are wrong that this is grampa's choice. He has a damaged brain. Ain't his choice at all.
But that doesn't make it less risky for you. You need to give up the role of sole caregiver. Visit him as a loving granddaughter. That will do you both a whole lot more good.
He's not CHOOSING to do anything. Dementia robs a person of their ability to be themselves. It's not personal at all.
Please get some help. My granddad was THE sweetest man on earth. When his dementia made him turn on Grandma, she HAD to have him placed. Broke her heart, but he was going to hurt her.
You must self preserve!! Good luck!
You said that you're almost to the point where you can't care for him anymore. What happens when you're actually to that point? What happens when you can't care for him anymore?
I can't tell from your post if you and your grandfather are living together or if you have family support. Have you considered a nursing home for your grandfather?
Another thing you need to look at is how Grand-dad views his life now. He's probably not a happy camper as he can't do everything he use to do a decade or so ago. And that can be frustrating. Life is passing him by.
Just curious, how did you become your Grandfather's caregiver? I assume Grandma is no longer in the picture, and what about your parents?
UNFAIR, yes to the max.
What happens when people are ill, like this, is their common sense goes out the window. I know, it is not a major revelation, however, some patients get VIOLENT. I knew a man that got to thinking that there were men rounding about the house looking to see / speak / be with his wife, and he took an ax and was almost taking the hinges off the door of the room where she was hiding and crying.
1/ there were no men
2/ those were hallucinations
3/ there came the violence
He got picked up, his step son had to sign all the paperwork to keep him in a nursing home. Even the people there could not control him at all.... so he was heavily medicated ALL THE TIME, quite a sad story.
Thankfully, the ax did not hurt anyone.
He was NOT that way before the ALZ. He was calm, funny, sweet, hard working...........but once the sickness got him severely, he turned violent.
People can go all kinds of ways..........mild, quiet, violent, outgoing, reserved, whatever that was not how they were all their lives.
You say many times, many that you do not know what to do.
You came to the right place. I am fairly new to the forum, and believe me, I have learned TONS of good stuff in dealing with mom who has dementia.
People here talk from experience, and from life's experiences.
Many have been at it, taking care of family for YEARS UPON YEARS.......
I am in my fifth year as caregiver.
You will get many opinions, and ABSOLUTELY, you need to call a family meeting, hand them each a copy of your post, and perhaps posts that people will write, and come to an agreement.
When there are others to help, the load gets distributed evenly and not one single person suffers....................it is fair. You are not asking for the moon. Just for help.
Walking............does grandpa have a walker or does he refuse to use it?
Walking............do you know what a GAIT BELT IS? You need one. It goes around grandpa's waist, and you put your hand under it from the middle of his back, with your fingers pointing to the sky. If he lets go, you will have a way of stabilizing him without lifting him.
You tell him...............GRANDPA, IF YOU FALL AND YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU............WE ARE BOTH GOING TO END UP IN THE HOSPITAL..........ALI, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS KIND OF STRESS.
Are you seeing a doctor? A doctor where you go for a cold, or stomach ache, or general medical doctor? Make an appointment and tell him how stressed you are. It is dangerous. He should assess you and make recommendations.
Without getting too specific, are you in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, where are you?
..........................................................My best regards all the way to Yakima! Where some of the best apples in the world grow.
Ali, chin up!
Help is on the way!