Can grandpa change his POA when he has dementia?

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Grandma made my Mom poa in 2009 they both still had there minds. shes gone he has dementia for the last 1 1/2 yrs ive lived with grandpa and cared for him. he's 97. lost grandma 1 1/2 yrs ago. I was dumb and turned down the possisition of poa. I thought my mom would be fair. he has 70,000 in cd's that goes to my mom and aunt if anythings left. mom tried to get the money as soon as gram passed. I wouldn't let it happen. now she doesn't listen to him. and his wwishes. she just wants the money....in the amendment it says its for the survivors health care and live in the style accustomed to... I have to get paid for caring for him.. im screwd when he goes. I wont be able to pay next months bills... and will not be able to mentally go out and get a puick job... should she have to pay me out of that money. she refuses.. to pay me

Answers 1 to 10 of 15
Are you saying that your grandma made your mom POA for your grandpa? That does not sound right for only your grandpa could have made your mother his POA.

Is his dementia so bad that your grandpa would be considered incompetent to make such a business decision to change his POA? I would get his doctor's opinion about that.

Your mother sounds very greedy and I doubt that will change. Were you working 1 1/2 years ago? Can your mother look after your grandpa so that you could look for a job now?
Top Answer
Your grandmother could give your mother POA for herself only. It sounds as though what has happened is that your mother was also your grandmother's executor, and that after your grandmother died her entire estate passed to your grandfather with your mother as trustee. So your mother is responsible for managing the estate, with the priority being your grandfather's care for the rest of his life.

So. On your grandmother's death eighteen months ago, you moved in with your 95 year old grandfather and took up a position as his unpaid family caregiver, yes? So your grandfather is living in his own home with you to look after him. Does he have any health care needs besides the dementia?

When you say you 'turned down' POA for your grandfather - what happened, exactly? Was your grandfather legally competent 18 months ago? - because nobody else had the authority to give you Power of Attorney. It all sounds a bit dubious - I don't think you should waste any time on regretting that.

The key question is: why is your mother reluctant to pay you to be your grandfather's caregiver? If she is your grandmother's executor, she is responsible for using those funds to support your grandfather. Therefore she knows that your grandfather's care has to be paid for; therefore, if she's refusing to pay you, it must either mean that she thinks you should do it for free OR that she wants him cared for in a different way. It could also mean that she's sitting on the money and refusing to use it for your grandfather's benefit, but in that case it's really simple - you call APS and they'll have her in court so fast it'll make her head swim.

Getting bills paid: your mother is responsible for using the funds from your grandmother's estate to pay for your grandfather's living and care expenses. You are not responsible for paying his bills. The thing is, that if you are living in his home, you have to be extremely careful to demonstrate that any bills are exclusively his, and not yours as well.

It sounds as though you have been living in the house and cheerfully paying the bills and have now run out of money. Oops. Here's what you'd better do.

Get together all of the receipts, invoices, bills and any other documentation you can think of for the last 18 months. Prepare a full account of what has been spent and where the money has come from. Take all of the documentation and this detailed account to an Elder Care specialist attorney and ask how you should proceed.

For the immediate future, speak to the companies whose bills you are afraid you won't be able to meet and explain the situation to them. Ask for a suspension or extension.

Looking ahead, it sounds as if your grandfather is going to need more support than you can offer on your own. How realistic is it that you will be able to provide him with all of the care he needs? I don't like to say this, but it does sound rather as if you are counting on his passing away pretty soon. Well, don't. Assume he will be with us for some time yet, and will need continuing care. If your mother is refusing to pay you to do that, she must have her reasons - and, quite simply, it doesn't make any sense that it would be because she wants to keep all the money for herself. Care costs. Family member care is the cheap option. So if she just wanted to keep the money, you'd be her number one choice, wouldn't you?

In any case, longer term, you need to look at how you plan to live your life. At some stage you are going to have to pick it up and carry on. If you're not able to get a job now, through disability, then start finding out what support you're entitled to. Think about where you're going to live and how you will support yourself. If you and your grandfather both are clear that you want to live together, with you looking after him, for the rest of his days, then cost that plan: if your mother rejects it, she will have to explain her decision.

But for now, today, try not to panic. Get advice from competent professionals, face up to the bills becoming due and speak to the relevant companies; and above all talk to your mother and ask her what plans she does have for your grandfather's care. Best of luck, let us know what's going on.
One more thing, looking at how you phrased your question:

1. Does your mother have POA for your grandfather? - which he must have given her, by the way, back in 2009 and this must have been his free choice and was nothing to do with your grandmother's say-so. If yes, he cannot alter this unless he still has mental capacity; but her responsibility for his welfare would then be even more clear cut. If no...

2. … Are you asking if he is able to give you POA now? - probably not, unless his dementia is so mild that he still has mental capacity.
Find an Elder Care Attorney to help you through this process or even Adult Protective Services. You should not have been using your own money to help pay the bills it is your grandfathers house how were the bills paid when your grandmother was a live? The money your grandfather has is to pay for his care and the upkeep of his house while he is living! Then if there is money left over it can be divided amongst any family members.

Keep track of how many hours you care for him and what you did - i.e.drive to the doctor, fix meals, clean house, do laundry, etc. Than you have something to show what you have been doing and calculate how much you feel you should be paid.
( i.e. $15 an hour and maybe 55 cents a mile for any driving to and from appointments).

Also talk with his Primary Care Doctor to determine if he needs more at home Health Care Assistance than you can provide. Maybe they can help decide if it is time to be placed in a Memory Care Facility for It is too draining on one person to take care of a person with dementia. You need to take care of yourself before you get burned out. Maybe some kind of Alzheimers Day Care Center is in your city and you can schedule him to go there during the day. They have activities, snacks, noon meal and most importantly they can socialize with others in the same boat.

There must have been a reason why you volunteered to take on this wonderful, but demanding responsibility. You deserve a hand of applause, but you must also think of yourself for you need to have a life also. Good luck and reach out to others for assistance.
Does anyone know how to get rid of a horrible conservator/guardian that lied about her credentials before the family consented to hire her and now she is trying to liquidate the Wards estate again after she was previously defeated in court by the Wards personal attorney and she was scolded by the Judge. That Judge retired and now she moved the Ward from a $600.00 a month apartment into a $5,000.00 a month Assisted living facility to create a need to sell his income producing property. No one can say she is stupid but the Ward and the Wards family want her replaced but she refuses to step down.
Your mother refuses to pay you for caring for GF. What would happen if you refuse to continue caring for him without pay?

If I am reading this correctly since you are not working you are not able to save any money in preparation for when you will be on your own. What if you find a full-time job now. Tell Mother you will continue to care for GF evenings in exchange for living there, but that she will have to make other arrangements for daytime hours (or whatever hours you work). Sounds reasonable, right?

And I really think you should see an Elder Law attorney to put this entire situation on a firm foundation.
Tell us what you do every day to take care of your grandfather.
Ginger you might like to post a new question - follow the instructions under 'get answers' in the right hand margin.
countrymouse, thanks for your input. the very first thing I must say is ive always been very close to both my gr.parents she was my very best firend.. they raised me.the bills are all pd now out of his monthly income. so the month after hes gone I wont be able to pay utilitys ect.. like I told mom the other nite,1. im going to be devastated when he goes, they've always been my everything!! I will then deal with the loss of them both. she really suffered in the end and I had to stay strong for him. so I never got a chance to really let it out...I held her hand brushing my fingers through her hair when she took her last breath. I fell to my knees.. I lived across the alley for 14 yrs the last 7ish I looked after them took her shopping until she couldn't any more. the last 4 yrs I wrothe out her bills she sighned the check. I had my mom monitor everything I did so I couldn't get accused by the haters in my family or if I made a mistake she might be able to catch it. there were 5 accounts, hers & his paid the bills, the moneymarket for insurance ect... a small savings. then the 2 cd's. she always said the cd's were so they could b more comfortable when they got old. if anything left it went to mom and aunt. when I was 6 my uncle bob was killed in Vietnam, she got 17,000. saved it AND it grew to 55,000. so thants why mom thinks it theirs... had a fit right after she passed in the bankers office, she was trying to get it then. I told her she was crazy , gma wasn't going to leave gpa broke ."that wasn't their money" "its his"" grrrrrrrr!!! gpa just said I don't no whats going on. so she didn't get it then... they were of sound mind in 2009.gma took care of all business, so he went along with the amendment. ANYTHING GMA SAID. momwent to his dr and got paper saying he couldn't manage bills.. so he was very upset when he couldn't write a check... shes on the accounts as well. as soon as gma went to the nursing home 1 1/2 months befor she passed, mom came and started payinf the bills. that was bull I pd them for 4 yrs.she just wanted control over everything. theres no reason things should have changed. he could sigh checks and she could have kept watching on the computer. now the 2 cds aren't on the same page so I cant monitor her. she put them in a different account.bottom line is she wants that money for her and my aunt and doesn't want to spend any on his care.. there is no money market left. I am supposed to get the money market if any left and pay the bills out of his monthly account which it takes it all monthly.and have whats left...
im going to be attached by my family who ive always love and used to be very very close to. grandpa gave me his part of the house after she passed.the other half is in the trust. he requested on the deed. they sign their part over.. mom said she would , but aunt probably wont.. aunt never came around for last 15-20 yrs always mad cuz gma always helped me out. but she did the same for her son. she just hated and fought with him most the time. so she hated on me, gma always called me her spoiled brat, joking. they bought me the house across the ally. ive not always been perfect. I got devorsed and gma paid my bills for a couple yrs, my bad I should have worked more then, I just did a few massages. but the last 7-8 I couldn't cuz I never new when she was going to need me. 6 yrs ago she was in the nursing home for 10 weeks. she always had a button around her neck, my boyfriend got her. it called me if she fell ect. so I was never away for more than a couple hrs... so ive put my life on hold for a very long time. I always told gma I could never give her back what shes givin me in cash , she just gets me that's all I can give. and ive proudly done that and then some.. my family doesn't understand, ive been petrified the last 7-8 yrs watching the 2 most precious people in my world slowly go down hill. every day im soooo scared... I wont no how to function without them. last week my boyfriend had his leg cut off at mid calf. when I foud out this was going to happen. I just sat and cried, I needed so badly to call my gma or sit in the chair next to her. and tell her...Ive never felt so lost she wasn't their.. shes always been there. I was devastated. I cried more for needing her then I did for him.... shes always been there to bail me out or save me if in a pinch, shes bought me cars or downpayments ect.. that's why my aunt hates me.. I don't want my mom to hate me too that why I haven't done this sooner... I never want to loose my gpa...I just wont no what to do with myself.... im sorry im getting off track..the last 2 weeks have been crazy, working on this with a lawyer, caring for gpa and boyfriend.. trying to do a couple massages so I can pay girlfriends to stay with gpa hustling gas ect to see boyfriend, taking care of a lot of business for him ect...now my mom health is getting very very poor. so worried about her and don't wont to upset her or make her hate me.. but its sink or swim now cuz I will be too weak when he goes.... another question is can I get paid for the last yr and a half... no one can contest the trust or they loose theirs.. I have to stand up for myself now or never.... im just so tore up with my family its a no win situation. im going to b hated no matter what

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