Quick background: Dysfunctional family. Grandfather just passed away. 86-year-old grandmother has dementia and must now move to an ALF. Only daughter (my mother) is executor of grandfather's estate and trustee of the trust he set up for my grandmother's care.
Problem: My mother is EXACTLY the kind of person who would siphon off money from my grandfather's estate and the trust. (She has lots of money problems of her own, is 65 and has no retirement savings. She earned plenty of money over the years, but spent it on a big house, horses, expensive trips, etc.) Given her history and the numerous red flags, I fully expect her to use her position to HER full advantage.
I have no legal standing whatsoever. I am not even a beneficiary in my grandfather's will (thanks for thinking of me Grandpa!). All three of them, both grandparents and my mother, utterly failed to protect, love and support my sister and me. I've got the horror stories to back up that statement.
I'm torn. Do I try to "do the right thing", keep an eye on things and intervene if necesssary? Or do I just walk away? I FEEL like walking away. When the crisis eventually comes, it'll be something along the lines of "the money's all gone and your grandmother still needs care, can you help?"
I will WANT to say "No, sorry, I didn't create this situation and I'm not going to bail anyone out of it". Then the guilt-trip will come full-force, all about how I'm so selfish and ungrateful. (These are people who think they made a tremendous sacrifice by feeding & clothing my sister & me, when they could have just dumped us in foster care instead.) Heaven only knows what will happen to my grandmother, what kind of facility she will end up in, but regardless, the family view will be that it is ALL MY FAULT.
Like I said, dysfunctional family. What do I do??????