What can I do for my grandmother who is suffering for only helping her mooching, mentally abusive sister?


My grandmother is almost 90 years old and four years ago when my grandfather passed away we moved her sister in to live with her. While it seemed like a good idea then, we later found out her family was coming and stealing things from my grandmother, making my grandmother wait on her hand and foot, and had so many surgeries that she can barely do anything for herself. None of her children want anything to do with her because she is so mean and the doctors won't waste their time on trying to help us. She needs around-the-clock care she is continuously falling and is threatened to sue if she falls and gets hurt. When we tried to step in and help find a nice place for her to go she made things horrible and made my grandmother feel guilty. My dad is the power of attorney over my grandmother we just want to know what is best and what we can do! Please anything is better than nothing we have tried everything!

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Countrymouse, we moved her in four years ago for companionship when my grandfather passed away. She was also dealing with her children coming in and stealing some of her medications so it was a great idea at the time. Within the last three years my grandmother is been hospitalized for numerous occasions with health decline. Her sister has a CNA that comes for six hours in the morning but when the CNA is there she won't get up out of the bed to take a bath to eat or to take medications. She is unable to walk very far in my grandmother will not leave the house in fear that her sisters children will come and steal various things. It's not that all of her children are bad but all do have mental issues and have threatened to commit suicide on different occasions. But Not all of them come over to steal but they also don't come over on a regular basis. She is constantly trying to fight with not only her CNA but all my family making it difficult for anyone to want to go over. But that's not fair to my grandmother And it's also not fair to just put her in a nursing home and then bring her back.
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I was going to say what Send said, more or less - your father could move your grandmother.

But I do have another thought, too. I appreciate that it seems a bit unreasonable for your grandmother, at ninety, to have to become her sister's full-time caregiver. But don't be too quick to assume she can't or won't want to do it. My great aunts lived independently but ended up sharing one home; and I later came to realise that the older, then in her late eighties, had nursed the younger through cancer of the jaw right through to the end of her life. It must have been harrowing; but she took it in her stride, in spite of having had no nursing training or experience. It was something she wanted to do.

So the family needs to talk to both your grandmother and the two sisters together and find out what they want. If it turns out that neither wants to move or wants the other to move, your father should use his POA to insist on plenty of in-home support so that your grandmother isn't run ragged with work she can't manage.

Ref your great-aunt's thieving relatives - you say they come to the house and steal, then you say they don't come because your great-aunt is so mean. Which? If they're still turning up on a regular basis, then the thing to do is to make sure somebody else is there to keep an eye open during visits.

What were the reasons for its seeming like a good idea at the time to move your great aunt in with your grandmother? For companionship? - were they close in earlier years?
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1) Put them both in respite care at a NH or rehab.
2) After the sister is settled, move grandma home with caregivers.
3) Everyone will understand that the sister required more skilled care and was admitted permanently.
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