Grandmother smells of pee and sweat because she refuses to bathe. Any advice?

Hi, I started taking care of my family about your age. First thing your stressed so I going to give you a few ideas that I hope make your life easier. first remove the cushions and get plastic bag and put the foam part in the bags in tape it then put the cover back on it she will never know. Your grandmother may be willing to a pad so get your pad packaging and put depend pad in it. The smell in the clothe when you wash them use 1 cup baking soda with your soap. Make a no rinse bath you can just spray on in leave. my mix was 1 tsp oil , 18 drop of grapefruit seed exact, 1 tbs baby soap, 2 tsp lavender oil in a spray bottle then add 3 cups of warm water. Your great for what you have done but don't make this your life it is hard to watch a loved dying at your age. Harder when your the one caring for them. please keep in mind that you are doing your best and remember to be the best kid too. Talk to your family when you get to stressed even if they are stressed too. They will want to know how your feeling. Good luck to you.

Great answer I2Understand...

we also do the calendar but make her write in shower or hair wash so she can see she wrote it so she believes no one is lying to her about how long its been

Can your grandma get in and out of a tub, or is the shower her only option. My mother would love to be able to take a tub bath, but can't get out once she gets in. If granny is nimble enough to get out of the tub, get her some nice bath salts as Midkid suggested. Give it as a gift and don't try to coax her to try it. Let her know that you got some for yourself and it made your skin feel really good or something of that sort.

My grandmother would rinse and reuse her "special" panties; not a good thing. But that is how she grew up, and throwing things out was not how she did things. However, I would suggest getting rid of any other options to force the new panties. Getting her to change them could be a new issue (tell her you have to wash them and then throw them out). Get some good wipes and have her use them to clean herself up. Check out the local hospital / medical supply store for cleansing options also. They are there with all kinds of supplies for us to use; see if her insurance will cover purchasing any of these items. Be creative in your approach and seek your doctor's or hospital social worker's help if needed. Good luck

I think that you and your family are awesome to care for her. It is not going to get easier, so prepare for that. It is sad to know that the mind dwindles and the memories are lost. At the same time, elders do become more stubborn and in denial. It is a way of fighting the loss of control of body and mind. Maybe she has become afraid of falling in the tub/shower and a hospital bath would be more to her liking. You can also purchase feminine wipes or toilet wipes so that she can clean herself on her own. (you may be able to ask the Dr. for a prescription for those to lessen the cost too). Be persistent about the diapers. Maybe wear one around the house with her (tell her you are having problems in that area yourself.. Anything to help Grandma along. She IS worth it!). I wish you the best and God Bless You and Yours!

...I wore one with my mum and actually peed in it! OMG, you can only really empathise if you have done that! Felt so hideous and yukky, and my poor mum had to wear the damn things all the time. She said I did not have to, but I wanted too so she would know I really did know how she felt.
I tell you what, I'm doing my pelvic floor exercises every day now! (I'd forgotten to do them for years, but that was a huge reality check!)

Although my mum thought I was nuts, she laughed and did appreciate it.

If your nan is forgetting, rather than deliberately refusing to wear them, then she needs home carers to come in to help when you and your mum aren't there.
They can bathe her too. Your nan would probably prefer that to her daughter and grandaughter.. May be a pride thing.

Possibly you could make a big calendar on the wall and put a big red X on the shower days. They like to know a schedule and what to look forward to. I got a bedside commode, and every morning I dress her as she sits on the commode. That makes it easy to sponge-bath her at the same time. She used to insist on dressing sitting on the side of the bed. But I convinced her that it saved my back if she would sit on the commode. (So now I can bathe her without getting the bed wet.) A spongebath is a lot easier for her than the effort of getting in the shower. And I make it nice with warm water, and soft towels and lotion or massage oil afterward. We only shower her twice a week. For your laundry -- pour some vinegar into the wash water. It gets the smell out. I know! there is nothing worse than the smell of old pee! You have to wash it as soon as you can. There are disposable "chucks" which would help protect the chairs and bed. A hospital bed is a great help. There are also washable vinyl pads with velour on top that protect the chairs and look just like a regular chair pad. Say "c'mon Grandma, you helped me when I was little, now it's time for me to help you!" Also -- it would be a good idea to get a doctor to take a pee sample. She probably has a UTI Urinary Tract Infection. That makes the pee smell even worse, and probably contributes to her incontinence. She is lucky to have you.

At 90 and suffering these problems, she needs nursing home care. I am sure grandma is embarrassed and feels ashamed to ask others to take care of such personal things for her. Do the right thing so she can get the proper and kind care of a nursing home. It isn't easy, but certainly shoulds like what is needed for the sake of the entire family, especially grandma herself. God Bless.

I really disagree with TNovax about nursing home care. If Grandma is not a danger to herself or to others, nursing home care would be such a blow to her quality of life. Elders want to be with their families. It's like being sent to prison or to an asylum for the crime of getting old. She could get the same quality of care at home for much less money with some of the programs that are available almost everywhere. We, as a society tend to farm out or hide anything that is uncomfortable for us to deal with. I applaud everyone who helps their elders to live life fully integrated with their family. As long as the mind is mostly intact, and there are no major health problems, old age itself is not a disease that has to be institutionalized. My mother 103 lives at home with me and my family. I'm not trying to be judgmental, and understand that often this is not possible, but these elders are human beings. I think to myself - how would I like to have my home taken away, see my family only for brief periods and be forced to follow a stringent regimen of a nursing home. How would it be for me to have to share a room with a complete stranger. How would I like having my clothes washed in a community situation in which I might not get mine back and would get someone else's clothes instead. I certainly would prefer death.

Hospital pads (hospice provided some blue plastic side for resistance and white side for absorption) we used on the bed and chairs under mom. Check in child care section to see if you can find a "wipes-warmer". Sandis

First of all, it's great to know there are young people like you that are willing to help with elderly loved ones. Next, may I suggest that if you could go shopping with her and look at all the great adult depends, pull-ups, etc. that are available, maybe she would be willing to try especially when it would help her not to be so embarrassed about things, and that would help you and your family by making it easier to help her stay comfortable and clean. Maybe she would feel better about herself. It's not easy. My mom didn't want to wear them at first, but when she finally started wearing them, she was like a different person. She wasn't afraid to go out to different places after that and it was easier for her to take care of herself at least for a while until she got really sick and couldn't do for herself anymore. Keep on doing things for her and you will have no regrets when the time comes for her to either go to a nursing facility or she passes. Just want you to know that there are a lot of helpful people out there if you need to ask for help again. God bless you and your family.

You're an inspiration, And you mother did excellent job as mother raises you as daughter moreover she is bless to have you as daughter. God bless your grandmama :)

To Xmart:
What a great idea for the wipes-warmer! I wish I had thought of that when my mom needed wipes. Thank you for the great input.

Taking away all the panties and replacing them with depends doesn't always work. My MIL was so stubborn about not wearing them, she just went naked on the bottom. I kid you not. And she had severe Crohns. I had to shampoo carpets every day. :P

Everyone seems to have done a really good job of addressing the pee, but the sweat part is still another component. Obviously the woman needs to take a bath. How to accomplish this is the conundrum. Personality has a lot to do with how to get someone to co-operate. If she is stubborn and pig-headed, nothing can force her into bathing. Perhaps if she is more compliant, she could be bribed into taking a bath, much like bribing a young child with a reward. In any cast take the dirty clothing away every night when she goes to bed and replace it with clean from the skin out clothes - including depends instead of panties. That could help some - that's if she will wear them.

as we age the sensation we feel on our skin is different than that when we are younger. my father in a NH now has been changed from getting a "so called shower" to being bathed in bed. he didn't like the water hitting his skin and was getting really agitated, so the one nurse suggested he be given bed bathes, so I notified the head people and said he was getting to upset/agitated so now he gets bed baths. maybe this is why (in addition to the memory) that she doesn't like getting bath/showers. their skin gets thinner and more easily irritated.