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so she thinks she has bathed in the morning but she's been dirty for 3 days straight. We can't force her since she's almost 90. She remembers EVERYTHING else she is supposed to do. She can't control her peeing as she has bladder problems.
She is told to wear dipers but she doesn't do that either. She says she has but doesn't let us check. We can manage cleaning up after her but the smell of clothes stained from pee for 3 days spreads through the house. and we have to give her injections on her upper inner thigh everyday and that area STINKS.
She wets the cushioned chairs too, sometimes. She is a very stubborn lady and if we are too harsh she will start crying and that's the end of conversation. I am 15 and she doesn't take me seriously. If my mom says anything she gets offended and angry.

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Sweetheart, your Grandmom is frightened and embarrassed about her loss of control. Plus it's hard to reach down there and get every spot. My advice, look her right in the eye, and say "Grandmom I love you, let me help you like you have always helped me." Establish trust, that you won't judge, criticise, or threaten. Don't tell her what to do, ask. "What do you need to keep clean?" "How can we help you?"

This situation can't go on. Hygiene is crucial to keeping your Grandmom out of a nursing home. Skin is an organ like the lungs and heart, it wears out as you age. Much easier to prevent bedsores and rashes before they start. It's an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure situation. Say that to her. It's old fashioned advice, she will understand. Be honest not harsh. Does she want bedsores? Don't let tears stop you from insisting on cleanliness.

You are not alone. This is a constant battle between my Dad and I. When I help him get dressed, I hand him a washcloth that is warm, morning and night. If there is a pee smell those clothes get washed. Just take them and wash them. Good luck.

In my opinion weird kids, are the best kids. Stay true to yourself. I think you are a fantastic loving person for caring for your Grandmom. Don't forget to laugh, and enjoy each other. Humor goes a long way to solving problems.
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I was astonished when you said you are 15 years old....You are a wonderful person to be so concerned about Grams....I don't know what advice to offer..I just want to say "well done".
Bob
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Talk with her doctor, or have your mom do that. He can send out home health care to help her with her bath. Depending on the circumstances, they will come out twice a week or maybe even three times for a limited length of time. If that doesn't work, contact the senior center in your area and ask if there are senior services that will send someone into the home. This can be touchy because Grandma doesn't see you or your mom as being the "authority". Sometimes a stranger in a medical smock makes all the difference.
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I want to say Thank you! We need more kids like you.
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You are an amazing and loving person and I admire your love for your grandma. She is so very blessed to have someone I her life like you. Your insight into her situation is way beyond your years. It sounds like your grandma might need additional assistance from a from a professional caregiver or to be placed in an assisted living facility. Please have your mom read the advice that will be listed here. I would recommend that you Mom talk with your grandma doctor about care options. I am saying prayers for you, your mom and your grandma.
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maybe she will use warm disposable wipes to keep clean but keep pushing the adult pull ups or pads in a nice way by taking away her other options and leaving them out for her. maybe she thinks they cost to much.
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Great advice as always.

I do think pride comes into this, massively.
As a mum, it was out jobs to wash and change our babies (then mag them as older kids to clean their teeth properly, shower daily! I have this right now with my 11 year old son!)
The idea that oneday my son may have to change my diaper/ waah me appals me.

We had this with my mum, who did not have dementia/alzs, but was incontinent, and got more and more immobile as time went on.

First off, I bought pretty floral chair covers to protect the chairs (as the seat cushions are the main odour culprit!!) These covers are soft one side, waterproof the other, so brilliant for chairs and car seats! And the floral one looks nice
ebay.uk/itm/301094739773


My mum would not let me wash her 'down below' even when incapable and starting to whiff(she was mortified at the idea of smelling too)
I asked if she would prefer a stranger (ie a carer) to wash her than me... she said yes.
Even though I said it was now my time to look after her, and that I was a mum so it did not phase me, she still said no.
You may have to respect that.

The danger here is regards infection.
UTIs (urinary tract infections) are a major problem in elderly, and huge cause of hospitalisation.
(Mum did let me wipe her backside after the loo, and pull up her diaper pants, but she'd always do the front)
You add in the fact that you have to inject her thighs and that is a very real contamination/infection risk.

Is your nan aware enough to have discussions around the risks to her of UTIs and Cellulitis caused by poor hygiene?
Most folk abhor the idea of hospitals, maybe that is something you need to discuss.


Is there an option for her to have a carer come in once a day or every other day to wash her?

There does come a time you have to be more firm with nan. Some things (like her injections) simply have to be done, to keep her safe and well. Your mum could explain this is the same level of seriousness as that.
You may not be able to overcome her 'forgetting' to wear her diapers, but you can insist on changing her clothes and ensuring she has clean ones.
(maybe with her permission remove all her panties so her only option is her diaper pants???
Put some in her pantie drawer as well as the bathroom to remind her?
(She does not need panties anymore I am guessing?)

Mum eventually let me wash her top half and her legs and feet, but I'd only expose the part I was washing, so she never felt 'naked'
I'd then hand her a warm flannel with some feminine wash on it (Lactacyd, soap free esp for genitals) and turn my back whilst she washed her bits.
Then I'd pass her a clean warm wet flannel to rinse off.
Then a soft towel.
Then help her on with her diaper pants (we called them her big pants, mum hated the fact that she had to wear those hideous incontinence pants... US term 'diaper' is even worse!)

I washed her flannies and hand towels daily.
daily, Easy to have a good stock of flannies and hand towels)

Your nan sounds a little more mobile but a little less lucid than my mum though.
So I suspect the professional carer option to pop in and wash her may be the best option.
May not need to be daily.
(May get to a stage she'll let you wash her instead.)
They know exactly how to manage this.
Use a reputable agency, maybe if you can say the region you live in the folk on here can suggest some good ones?

A LOT of experience is on here for you.
What a great grandchild you are!
Big hug to you and your mum.
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Your grandmother needs some nursing care, so ask your mother if she can find out if her mother's insurance will cover visiting nurses or home health aides or if your grandmother can afford them herself. A visiting nurse can clean and dress your grandmother, instruct her in the use of adult diapers and change them for her as well. This should be done at least once a day if not more. As others have noted, if this situation isn't addressed your grandmother could develop sores and infections if she hasn't already; the bad odor is the least of it! Changing diapers isn't pleasant for family members, so a visiting nurse can not only take that burden off the family but make sure no problems are developing that may require antibiotics and such. Grandma is at the point, like many of the elderly, where she can't or won't take proper care of herself, so it has to be done for her. In addition to nurses, I would get thick washable bed pads for the bed and wherever she sits, as well as disposable pads. The nurse can administer whatever ointments may be required. Again, caring for an elderly incontinent person is tough work and not for a 15 year old, so contact visiting nurses and get some help. Medicare or medicaid should cover it. Good luck!
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Hospital pads (hospice provided some blue plastic side for resistance and white side for absorption) we used on the bed and chairs under mom. Check in child care section to see if you can find a "wipes-warmer". Sandis
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First of all, it's great to know there are young people like you that are willing to help with elderly loved ones. Next, may I suggest that if you could go shopping with her and look at all the great adult depends, pull-ups, etc. that are available, maybe she would be willing to try especially when it would help her not to be so embarrassed about things, and that would help you and your family by making it easier to help her stay comfortable and clean. Maybe she would feel better about herself. It's not easy. My mom didn't want to wear them at first, but when she finally started wearing them, she was like a different person. She wasn't afraid to go out to different places after that and it was easier for her to take care of herself at least for a while until she got really sick and couldn't do for herself anymore. Keep on doing things for her and you will have no regrets when the time comes for her to either go to a nursing facility or she passes. Just want you to know that there are a lot of helpful people out there if you need to ask for help again. God bless you and your family.
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