Unsafe for Grandmother to live alone, she refuses nursing home placement and home care. Any advice?

Sounds like someone, possibly yourself, needs to file for guardianship in your grandmother's behalf in order to get her the care she needs.

Two options. 1. pursue Guardian status and get the court order to move her against her will. She will be very angry with her kids. 2. Wait until she falls again and again and lands in the ER with a concussion or a broken hip and she cannot return home. She will be angry at herself. Which is easier to live with?

I think nursing home placement is most likely her only option unfortunately. She currently lives in elderly housing and this puts others in danger due to her falling asleep while cooking. She has set her stove on fire once just luckily her home health nurse arrived and found her asleep and put the fire out. We have had private duty and options program in her home to help her which works for a while but she eventually stops them from coming. She is very argumentative and verbally abusive at times, I fear her behavior is only going to get worse. I have talked to my mom and my aunts which are the only ones here now but they also have serious health problems. I will definitely talk to them about pursing Guardian status and court order to move her. Thank you so much!!

Guardianship, else the facility will pursue it.

What does the building manager think of her setting her stove on fire?

My Mom lived in a senior housing apartment for many years. It was inspected periodically (annual? semi-annual? I don't remember.) for cleanliness. This included everything from the bathroom to the inside of the fridge. It included things like dangerous extension cords and tears in carpeting and anything risky. If the resident couldn't maintain clean and safe conditions, they were asked to leave.

If GM keeps firing in-home help, perhaps she will fail inspections and be forced out that way. It might be for the best. Who could she be angry with then?

Don't "protect" her from the consequences of her inabilities. The manager should know about the stove fire, for example.

One stove fire too many..... just tell Grandmother there are no options, she is being placed in a *retirement community* [don't tell her nursing homes because some elders hold onto unfounded myths about nursing homes].

Then expand on all the positive things about the retirement community.... someone else does her cooking for her, she is served in a restaurant like atmosphere.... she will develop new friends [never know there might be someone there she already knows and like].... and everyone will be able to sleep at night knowing that she is safe :)

I know, too bad it doesn't go as smoothly as that, but worth a try.