My 80 year old grandmother lives with my mom, and my mom has mentioned the my grandmother is somewhat verbally abusive, but I did not really understand to what extent until recently. She has had bipolar since she was young, but has not taken medication for it in years. My mom says that my grandfather was at his wits end before he died because she was exhibiting the same behavior and refused any treatment. After my grandfather passed away 6 years ago, my grandmother has been basically a hermit, not leaving the house except for 1-2 doctor appointments per year, and she obviously is suffering from severe depression and cannot deal with the death of her spouse. She has said from time to time that she just wishes she was dead, and I guess that is understandable in her situation, but recently she has been very combative and paranoid about everyone.
She fell in March and shattered her shoulder, which led to a shoulder replacement and an short stint in a rehab facility. She convinced my mom and myself that the nurses and aides at the rehab facility were abusing her and got us to sign her out and get home health for her rehab. Now that she is at home, she has refused her home health nurses and physical therapy, and is refusing many of her medications. She is convinced that everyone around her hates her and are conspiring against her, she also has stated several times that all of her family are mentally ill, and she is the only sane one. We have tried to convince her to accept psychiatric help, but that only causes her to lash out and become very angry, because she believes there is nothing wrong with her. Today she told me that she wished she was dead and that she could just take all of her medications and kill herself any time she wanted. I told her that if she felt like that, then maybe she shouldn't keep her medications in her room, and reached for the medication box, and she hit me and told me to never come back. I called a psychiatric crisis number, thinking that they could help, but they just sent to police out to the house. The police talked to her, and she acted like the sweetest, most intelligent and sane person you could ever meet. I couldn't believe how she could be so different in a matter of minutes. She told the officer, "I would never dream of killing myself, but you would wish you were dead too if your family treated you as awful as mine treats me!" Then she proceeded to tell him how awful we are to her. I don't know where she got the stuff she was telling him, but I am glad that he didn't really believe her! She also told him that she knew her rights, and no one could make her go anywhere unless she consented.
If she will not willingly submit to psychiatric treatment, what can we do? The police officer says there is nothing we can do, but my mom says she can't take it anymore. I don't think she should have to keep taking it, but I don't see an alternative. My mother owns the house, and my grandmother doesn't have enough money to afford assisted living, so are there any other options? Any way to get her psychiatric treatment involuntarily? If she is that good at putting on a show, how can we convince anyone that she even needs psychiatric treatment without her claiming that we are abusing her? My mom has a "General Durable Power of Attorney," it does not state that it can be used for medical, but it also does not exclude medical anywhere. I am concerned for my mom because she really can't take it anymore, and I don't know what to do for her. She says that she can't get away from my grandmother because she follows her around the house yelling at her quite frequently. Does anyone have any suggestions of what we could do? I really don't even know where to start.