My grandmother grows more violent-verbally and physically, she's also living with us. Any advice?


She can't take care of herself and she wants to go home, even if there is no one there to take care of her and she is difficult to get out of bed even to eat and it's been years since she has cooked or shopped for herself insisting she is able to do it but choose not to. What's troublesome is her habit of sleeping during the day only to start crying at 2 oçlock in the morning till around 9 if she stops at all, a couple of times she starts at 2 and by six at the evening she still keeps on crying and lamenting her terrible fate. She would stay bed and without getting up to eat or go to the bathroom; there is no reasoning with he: she says she wants to go home but when we agree she says we are leaving her alone to fend for herself when she is unable and sick, despite demanding being the one to demand going home. we've tried to keep her awake during the day and engage her in some activity but she refuses and if she is out of bed at all she only stares blankly into space or hops through channels often stopping at some foreign program she insist she understands and if she watches a program she often fails to follow the plot line. What's even worse is that in most cases she gets violent when we ask her to be quiter since it's late in the evening, she says she doesn't care about the time. She would start yelling how we should all die or how she will beat us or crack our heads open. she has hit my mother repeatedly and tried the same with me but I caught her hand and she started yelling that I was the one beating her. She yells non stop and the neighbours have complained on more than one occasion and the police has fined us. This is not a joke! If there is some advise you can offer on the situation it would be greatly appreciated.

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The advice here is all very good. Make sure to find the medical or cognitive causes for her behavior and if there are no medications to help her behaviors then check with your local Aging Agency and Medicaid office. If Grandma has no assets and limited income she can qualify for a Medicaid Memory Care or Nursing Home facility.
Good Luck
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Ditto what others have said:

1. This is not an acceptable situation for either your gma or you or other family members living in your home.
2. She needs a psychiatric work-up/diagnosis; this sounds like dementia not results of a stroke.
3. Sleep medication? Why are you letting this incapacitated clearly confused person running your household?
4. Get a POA and start looking at alternative places for her to live - call and make appointments TODAY!

There's a lot to do while you're struggling just to make it through the day, so make a list and check things off as you do them, so you can see that positive movement is happening! (The more detailed the list, the more you can check off - which may give you the satisfaction/energy to keep going!)

Best wishes and keep us posted!
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I am so sorry for this terrible road you are walking, I am surprised a doctor has not told her she can not live at home alone period end of story. She needs help!Has she seen a geriatric psychiatrist as Jessie suggested? I just had my mom see a new one who put her on meds last week...only problem is now she won't get out of bed which I was afraid of not to do therapy, eat nothing, totally lethargic, her other meds were much better but they never gave them to her at rehab facilty and then the violence appeared again. So I will give this new Dr and meds a chance but if she stays "drugged up" I will seek another alternative/doctor.You may need to move her to a Memory Care Facility that handles these matters...after a long, very hard struggle for many years, I am trying this w/mom after her rehab stint is over.Fingers crossed it goes well.If not I have no idea. Do your best get her to a doc who understands these issues-you or your family cannot be abused even if the patient has "issues" it is not fair and someone may get seriously hurt (people do not realize the level of violence "elder rage" is) then what? Keep strong, follow your heart/head but be smart and do what she really needs.Good luck to you!
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This is not heart problem/stroke behavior. Something else is going on. If this is new and fairly short-term, then checking for a uti makes sense. If that isn't it, or it has been going on for months, then Grandmother really needs a full evaluation of her cognitive condition. Sure sounds like dementia to me!

Once the medical problem is identified there may be medicines that can help, and caregiver training that can minimize the triggers of such behaviors.

But int he final analysis, no matter what the cause, it is not acceptable for abuse and violence to be putting others in harm's way. It is not acceptable to be disturbing the neighbors. It is not acceptable to have false accusations against caregivers. As it is, this situation is NOT acceptable. Possibly it can be brought into an acceptable range with proper diagnosis and treatment.

If not, then some other arrangement must be made. That might be Memory Care or Nursing Home. It is possible that Assisted Living might be appropriate, but not if she is a threat to the safety of others.

Keep in touch here. You are in a very challenging situation. We all want to here how it is going for you.
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You might let the police know you have a demented elder living with you, they can put it in under the 'premise history'. Get a complete medical evaluation including psychiatric condition. Some medications can help calm seniors that are really agitated.
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artemiss8, also have your Grandmother checked to see if she has an urinary tract infection.... such an infection in an elder will make them act irrationally.
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artemiss, it sounds like your gma and the rest of you would fare better if she were in assisted living. I admire that your family is trying to look after her, but there comes a point where there is too much misery. It sounds like everyone in your house is in total misery at this time.

There's something else that you could consider. It may be that she could visit a geriatric psychiatrist (perhaps as an inpatient) and work with medications to help stabilize her mood. If you think this is a good idea, ask your gma's doctor what he/she thinks about it.

I hope that you can find some way to improve your lives over what you're going through right now. Please let us know what is going on with you. Big hugs coming your way. Hope you get a good night's sleep tonight.
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Has she been diagnosed with dementia? Since she's had a stroke, it's possible she's developed vascular dementia. She needs a complete workup by a geriatric specialist. You need to go with her and tell the doctor what is happening .
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