For the last 9 mos. my Mom moved in with her mom to help. Now her mom (my grandmother) has kicked her out. Advice?

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Other family has shut us out. My grandmother who has capacity has taken out all her anger and frustration on my mother. My mother is very hurt. Her brothers "have taken over" but there is still no one to care for my grandmother. Is there help for my mother to get a hold of understanding what has gone on wasn't really her fault? She loves her mother, but received no support from her siblings. It's taken a toll on my mother. She needs help!

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Cassidy, Assisted Living could be the best choice for your Grandma, she would be around people of her own generation, with so much in common... dinner in the central dining room each night, with her new BFF's.

Otherwise, if your Mom becomes her Mother's full-time caregiver than could become a 168 hour week with zero breaks. At Assisted Living, the staff works their shift, go home to rest, and come back refresh for their next shift. Your Mom would never been rested and refresh. Plus Mom would feel shut-out from the rest of the world. Her own health would decline and she could become one of the 40% of caregivers who pass away while caring for a loved one.

Maybe your Grandmother is pretty smart, maybe she wants to go to Assisted Living thus not wanting to put her daughter and sons through all that at-home care. That is why she kicked your mother out. It's a wake-up call.
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It's more physical than mental issues. She has trouble with her balance and arthritis in her back and knees so she has serious mobility issues. She's been falling a lot and thank goodness she hasn't been seriously injured. I believe the others in the family are working towards finding assistance living, but she may need more assistance than what most facilities provide. But we will see. I will pass along the link about family and relationships for my mom. She's just is so hurt her mother and her brothers are now basically writing her off.
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You say your grandmother has capacity. What health issues does she have that require a full time, live in caregiver?
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She feels very betrayed. And she feels like her brothers never supported her and just expected her to take care of their mother and it was very hard on my mom. She basically quit her job and now has to find a new one which isn't that big of a deal. My mom is just very hurt. My uncle also told her to have me stop calling my grandmother which is strange because I live out of state and really just check in with my grandmother.
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Cassidy, if your grandmother does not want your mother there, then there is little your mother can do except to let your brothers handle it. I don't know what the exact situation is, but a child cannot force caregiving onto a parent unless they have legal guardianship of the parent. I am sorry for what has happened, but there is only so much you can do. Does your mother feel guilt or blame for something that has happened?
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